A week ago we had calling at the funeral home for my DAD. He died of Mesothelioma, from working in a steelmill.  We found out on Mom,s birthday, May 20th.  It has been a long road trying to find out what was wrong with him.  There were so many wonderful people that have been there for us.  With calls and food when Dad was sick and then my friends who were so great and thoughtful to have a meal for us after the first calling.  Words can't express my gratitude to all who have been there with thoughts and prayers and phone call and help and meals.  We were so busy with Dad for over a year and a half, I have spent alot of time with my Mom and my DAD.  Life has been so hard the last 5 years.  My x-husband had papers sent on August 17, they were a surprise and then my Dad passes away that same day 3 years later.  Both of the men in my life left me the same day.  One I am grateful for and the other my Dad I miss him.  He was there for myself and my kids.  He was the man my girls looked up to AND HE WAS THEIR FATHER FIGURE.  He was so wonderful and he would help with whatever anyone needed.  for me there wasn't anything that we couldn't do together.  He was with me working on replacing the weather stipping o my vet window and then installing the storm door and painting and I could go on and on what he did for me that I am thankful for.  But he was there with his talents at his church and with friends and all of his family and at his own home.  We made a craftroom in my basement and helped me with so much.  He loved to eat what we cooked but he  couldn't eat. We are a family of cooks.  He did trash and set up or carving of the turkey.  Now, who is going to that?  I'm just having a bad day and it seems like it is a dream.  I'm walking in a fog and I don't know what to do.  I'm luck I don't have to work which was good I could tend to my family resposibilities.  Just feeling alone and lost and guilty. I want to hold him and smell him again.  I want to rub his back again because he was in so much pain.  I'm glad he isn't in pain but there is so much pain in my heart.  Mom looks like she is doing fine and acts like it.  I don't know what to say or do for her. Just feeling lonely and miss my Dad.