i just found this site & reading other peoples stories,i find i am not the only one anymore. My mom passed away on Feb.22, 2012 from her lungs giving out. Then 7 months later on Sept.14, 2012 my dad died. It is the worst feeling i have ever had, to be without both of them. My brothers & sisters don't have any thing to do w/me but they never have. I am the youngest,& they think mom & dad loved me more. Only they can't see that the love was there for them too they were just to busy to come get it for themselves. But love to act like i was the only one loved. I just took time for them & they were everything to me. Now i don't know how to go on. Nothing seems like it is worth it.
This is still so fresh and new. Your parents are fine on the orher side. Time is a great healer. The pain of them not being there, hearing their voices will always be there but it will diminish over time. They really are in a better place. Their body died; their soul (who they are) went into another dimension. God will reunite us all!
Many thanks for your words of encouragement.
I'm so sorry for your losses. I understand how you're feeling - I lost my mom a month ago and my dad in 2006 and my brother is distant in Wisconsin. So I sort of feel very alone and like an orphan; you aren't the only one going through this. I've found this site to be very helpful and there are books on coping with grief - it doesn't bring your loved ones back but they can give you guidance and help you to understand your feelings (which are perfectly normal, by the way). Take things one hour or day at a time (that's what I'm trying to do), cry, do whatever works for you. Just know you're not alone in this.
Thanks Kathy for your words. My mom was 81 when she passed & had been sick for many years. Then it was oxygen & then it went to she couldn't walk,then to she was bedbound.I have lived beside my parents ever since I got married,(31 yrs.) so i have been w/them everyday of my life taking care of them. After ma passed in Feb 2012 my dad had been able to get around & do for him self then it all of a sudden changed.He was 86 then he got where he couldn't hardly walk to not being able to walk at all.He fell numerous times in the 7months between her passing & his.My brother was almost thru w/helping take care of ma before she passed,all i could hear was rest home. But she never had to go,so then after she died he made all the funeral arrangements without any of us. Afterwards when he came to my home & said it had been took care of i said u didn't make arrangements without us did u? He had. I have never gotten over that & probably won't.Then he washed his hands of my dad,his wife called & said they would not be coming on their day to help him.I took his days & mine. My sister still kept her 2 days.But i had him all the time really. Dad could never get over his son abandoning him, it haunted him & he would just cry & talk about it all the time. I tried 2 tell him,he didnt' need someone that didn't want to be their for him. He had diabetes & his legs were wrapped 2 x's a week by nurse,they hurt his legs so bad time she would get out of site he would begin to cut them off.Finally at end they swelled & started pouring fluid out.He was in much pain,& wanted to go to hospital for pain meds,but wanted to come back home when he got relief. That was not to be he went in on Mon. evening & Thurs.morn. @ 1:32 am he passed.The dr. never really did anything but pain meds.& gave up on him.I asked for his defibrulator to b cut off. They came in there on wed.& put magnet on his chest. I asked is that how u do it they said yes, i told them i did not know anything about how to do it.they called to where he was being mointored & ask were their machines going crazy,they were disabling it. Afterward i overhead them & said u didn't cut his pacemaker off did u? I was informed u couldnt cut 1 off without the other being cut off. I lie which i later researched & found out.At the end of my dads life i thought he would go peaceful when time come,since the defibulator had be cut off. That was not the case, his hands jumped off bed 1 time. No one said anything,Then it happened again & my sister asked nurse whats wrong w/him.She said she didn't know. Befor the first jump she had said he was gone then after the 2nd jump she said he had heartbeat. That jolting went on for what seemed like forever, finally to make a ling story shorter they had to tape magnet over his pacemaker/defb. to cut it off. I am forever scarred by watching what went on when i thought & trusted drs.had turned it off just to find out they did not know anything about what they were doing. I spent the next week getting my dad layed 2 rest,the next week i got on internet & researched about that. I was LIED to. U can absoutely turn a defib. off and leave pacemaker on.Also,what they did w/magnet in room when they told me they were turning it off was only disableing while the magnet was in place once removed it continue to work normally. A rep from company has 2 come do it. I asked for investigation, all i have got is a new training policy for nurses at hospital. I told them it wasnt nurses it was the drs. that did it but u cant do anything w/ hospitals they all cover it up but i didnt shut up. They heard me. I feel i let my dad down he had give me health care power of attorney, i tried to speak for him when he couldnt but in the end he endured pain from the defib. shock ing his heart back after i had been led to believe it was turned off. In my research I found out drs. will not turn pacemakers off because it is not morally rite. I never asked for his pacemaker to be turned off yet they tell me it has to be then i am thinking i have caused his death because of what they did only to find out the company tells me it would countinue to work to after magnet was removed. But i had to find out all this on my own. They are the lowest of the low. The guilt i have felt has been more than i can hardly bear. i did the best i could i was there for him,i only wish i could have done more, & had more time w/him.I don't know how to go on, they both were my whole lives, i spent my life taking care of them, now i feel i have nothing even though i have a daughter, granddaughter, son & husband. No one understands.
Well, I understand. Nevermind the guilt for now. You mentioned something golden: you had medical power of attorney. That means what you say is law. If the medical staff has in any way sabotoged this power, you definitely have a case possibly leading to a medical malpractice lawsuit against them. I strongly suggest you might consult an attorney in that matter. You can usually find someone who will give you a consultation free of charge, just to discuss the options you have. If any wrongdoing is found, you may be entitled to compensation as a result of it. Do a search for attorneys offering a free consultation, try to find one that has had experience in medical malpractice cases. There's somebody out there willing to listen to you and help.
Meantime I hope you are taking care of yourself. Watch your daily needs: you need proper nutrition, moderate excercise, time alone for yourself and rest to refresh your mind and body. Keep yourself healthy as you can especially if you smell some trouble coming up: you will need the strength for the tough times ahead. Nobody ever perished if they were to seek some help from a counselor or therapist to give you additional help. Many people, if they are of a particular faith, find help in talking with their pastor or other leaders in their churches. Gravitate towards those who will help you and understand, don't allow the negatives to cloud your vision. I believe you are strong; it is only the truly strong that ask for help when they need it.
God loves you, Sandra, and so do I. Continue to be blessed-
I hear you. I feel like an orphan myself without my parents.
I have a brother myself but he has his own family just like I do. I find that I am looking after my parents' stuff on my own and that is difficult in itself. My brother and I are different and are grieving differently.
My mom passed away February 24, 2012 then my father passed away on August 17, 2012. I still can't believe it. My mamma had some medical problems but it was unexpected then papa passed away suddently and it was such a shock for us. It has been a rough year. I am very sad at times. It was bad enough that mamma passed away at 61 years of age then papa passed away at 71 years of age. I was very close to my parents and more protective of papa after mamma passed away. I try to go on for the sake of my family but I miss them so much.
thats so sad,when my mum died a few years ago it broke the chain of my family,it was mum that kept us togeather,i am so glad that there are support groups around to try to help