I lost my Mom four weeks ago suddenly. For nine months the doctors told her she just had diverticulitis but a little over four weeks ago she asked me to help her shop at Big Y. She was having trouble breathing but neither of us was concerned since she had a MRI, ultrasound and X-ray. No concerns but she was scheduled for a liver biopsy so I brought her to the ER. She was FINE. Three days later the doctors told me she had stage 4 terminal gastric cancer and the worst case scenario was that she would live another few days. Well, I got the call five hours later that she died. I'm still in shock and angry with the doctors - HOW could they miss cancer that spread to the liver and lymph nodes???
My best friend, my Dad, died six years ago at age 67. It was expected because he had Leukemia. But my Mom? I still don't believe it. I've spent the last few weeks packing things up and bringing her things to my condo but now that I've finished and have nothing left to do I'm floundering. All I can think if is her last hours and that I should have stayed with her. My logical side says I didn't know but I feel horrible that I left her! I can't get over the visual images in my head of my trying to feed her, seeing her try to move around when she couldn't... it's awful. I even had to yell at the nurse to give her pain medication before I went home - assuming that I'd see her the next day based on what the doctors said.
I've gone through loss before with my Dad but I had Mom to support me. Now I have no one. My boyfriend and I are fighting constantly and my brother is distant. Sorry to vent but I'm glad I found this site.
Thank you so much kathy for your words of comfort. I will look into that......,
Kathy Draper said:
Diamond, diverticulitis was the first diagnosis Mom was given. I'm so sorry your husband has gone through all he has! I'm not a doctor so I don't know if it's an issue that should cause concern - it certainly didn't when Mom told me that's all her stomach pain was. It sounds like your husband has been checked for almost everything but if you're worried get him to a doctor for an endoscopy. That's how they found Mom's tumor. And yes, this site is wonderful! I'm not religious but I respect all beliefs.
I can't imagine how hard it must have been to go through your Mom's things six years after the fact. I immediately packed up almost everything because it gave me something to do and I too wanted to make sure that I had things that were sentimental/special. I became so paranoid that her wedding ring would be lost that I opened a safe deposit box! I'm going to try to think positive thoughts about Mom (very good advice!) - it would definitely be better than thinking about the last few days that I can't get out of my head. I HOPE she is with my Dad somewhere out there. And I agree that none of us would have wanted her to suffer and be in pain but it happened so fast! There are questions I have that no one else can answer but her - I found a ring with a locket of hair and wish I knew what it meant! My family is small so I'm taking care of everything but I wish she had held on for another few days, at least so she could see my brother (who she kept asking for).
Sorry to ramble! You all have been a great help. I appreciate every response - if I wasn't using dial-up (that's Mom for you, I'm at her condo) I'd try to write more.