Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Melinda CANDACE Guinn on April 25, 2013 at 6:25pm

Try and ignore the woulda, coulda and shoulda's. He's in a place I wish I was.  I can't go until God's time. God's forgiving. I'm sorry. I lost my Mom,  then less than a month later I lost my only child. Candace was a daughter, wife and mother of 3 little girls 8,7 and 2 when she passed on 4/09/10. I'll NEVER get beyond that. She asked me to move w/her but my roommate said I couldn't come back so I didn't move w/her. After Candace passed, less than a month after she turned 30, I had to find somewhere else to live. I blame him for not letting me move. He's dying from diabetes now so see, all in God's time.

 

Permalink Reply by Brittney Leeann Lewis on April 25, 2013 at 6:32pm

melinda im soo srry for ur loss i could not imagine losing my child much less my mother and im really trying to look past the woulda coulda shouldas but for some reason its soo hard

Permalink Reply by Melinda CANDACE Guinn on April 25, 2013 at 6:52pm

It took me forever, that when the phone rang it would NOT be Candace. I'm in my 4th year now. It still hurts terribly! I asked God to make time go back and take me and not my Baby-girl. No such luck. I hate the fricken Devil!!! It seems that time is the only healer. I'm so sorry. Try and occupy your mind with the good times you had. He must've been really down. You will see him again, keep the faith. God IS  real!

Permalink Reply by Charlene Farrell on April 25, 2013 at 7:12pm

Brittany,

   I'm so sorry for  your losses.  Grief is cumulative.  Losing your real father to suicide is especially painful.  Please forgive yourself and let go of the coulda, woulda, shouldas.  That's part of the bargaining stage and unfortunately, you can't change anything that happened.  My ex-husband was suicidal at the end of our marriage.  I recently found out that the reason my cousin's husband killed himself was because he found out he had cancer but  no insurance.  Whatever reason your father had for his behavior was not your fault.  It was his own reasons.  You didn't cause it, nor could you have controlled it.  Maybe if you write your dad a letter, it would make you feel better? 

Charlene

Permalink Reply by Kathy on April 26, 2013 at 9:35am

I do the same thing when it comes to my mom. The What if's I mean. This year in December it will be 5 years without her. Its still hurts. I dont think I will ever "get over" it but you have people here to help support and encourage you. I spent a few years away from my mom before she passed away but was able to reconnect with her in the end. Its such a blessing that you do have those memories with your dad although they may not be what you wanted its great to have. If you ever need someone to talk to or just want to vent let me know. :)