Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Casey s on October 22, 2010 at 11:18pm

it's hard no matter the age or the fact that they are in a better place. My dad was 48 yrs old and I know he is in a better place but we all wish they were still here with us. Death is hard for the the living. I am so sorry that you lost your mom, it's hard but you will get through it. that's not to say that you wont cry and miss her(missing someone never goes away) but you will move forward slowly and soon you will laugh more and learn to live without her. My dad has been gone a year and it feels still fresh. You know I like to enjoy things that he loved, having my coffee the way he liked it or listening to a song that we use to sing together, reading his poetry or cards he sent me, putting hot sauce on food like he would etc.. it makes him seem near still. maybe that will help you too. We all grieve in different ways but I hope that might help a bit. ofcourse I am no role model on the grieving front I have had a very hard time dealing with it all; it's just that doing that stuff soothes it a little.

Permalink Reply by Dottie's Daughter on October 23, 2010 at 4:02pm

I'm so sorry for the loss of your Mother. I feel exactly as you do! My Mom passed away on 9/28/10 and was 80 yrs old..she died exactly 2 wks before her 81st birthday sadly. Everyone has told me the same thing...she lived a long life and is in a better place but that doesn't take away the pain I have of not having her a part of my life anymore. I miss her so much its hard to explain to anyone. All I know is my heart hurts with missing her. I cry everyday from the pain also but somehow I get through the day. The only solace I have is I know my Mom would not want me to be so sad over her death and I bet your Mom wouldn't want you to be in so much pain either. I've been trying to remember the happy times I spent with her and not dwell on how much I'm missing her but it is very hard to do..easier said than done for sure! I have also found comfort from the wonderful people on this site. All of us have experienced loss and I know I'm not alone so it makes it easier to take somehow knowing there are others who feel the way I do. I just miss her so much! Its hard and there isn't an easy answer I don't think to get through the loss. Just hang in there and know there are others who are feeling the same way you do. I hope it gets better for us and just know you are not alone. A big hug to you.....

Permalink Reply by Sue Davis on October 27, 2010 at 9:47pm

I know exactly how you feel.. My Mom was 88 when she died in July of 09'. My died died the previous year.. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to endure.. I miss them so much.. I want so badly to believe that I will see them again one day, but like you said I want them here now.. I would give anything to wrap my arms around them and squeeze them so tight. To be with smeone your whole life and then in a blink of an eye they are gone forever. I wish I could be more comforting, but the truth is after all this time I am still hurting myself.. I pray that time will take away the pain.. The miss will always be there..

Permalink Reply by Linda L Andoniello on October 28, 2010 at 8:37pm

First off let me say I am sorry for your loss. My mom passed away 11 days ago on 10-17-2010 and it seems every day gets worse instead of better. I can only tell you what people have said to me, hold on to your memories and they say it will get better with time. We can only hope huh? My thoughts are with you.
Linda

Permalink Reply by Linda L Andoniello on October 28, 2010 at 8:37pm

First off let me say I am sorry for your loss. My mom passed away 11 days ago on 10-17-2010 and it seems every day gets worse instead of better. I can only tell you what people have said to me, hold on to your memories and they say it will get better with time. We can only hope huh? My thoughts are with you.
Linda

Permalink Reply by frances elizabeth hedden on October 28, 2010 at 11:13pm

i lost my mom oct4 2010. she was 65yrs old. they said she died from succide, but i thought it was a drug overdose. i found her on this day it was around 930pm that night dead inside her apt. the corner said she had bben gone for about 5 days , we couldnt have a open casket. i never thought i see that day a coming, i died that day with her, i still cry from time to time the pain is still there it never goes away , i get to thinking about her and i miss her so much, i wished she was still here with me and the sadest thing is i never got to say goodbye. i have my good days and then i have my bad days, i have had one nightmare since she has died, it was the imagine i saw of her dead that still haunts me, of what she looked like when i found her. it hard for me to move forward after what all i have been through.

Permalink Reply by Cindy Scull on October 30, 2010 at 8:25am

Myrtle, Try to stay possitive! My mother passed May 8,2010 my best friend she was 82. I know the feeling wanting them back. Go forward knowing your heart of her heart. Try to fill the void with the happiness you shared with her, as she lived on knowing someday she will be Home with God,
and reunited with her loved ones that have gone on before her. You will get through this...Your Mother loved you, and wants you to be happy! When I cook, my mom shes cooking with me! God Bless you, Her strength will prevail through you!

Permalink Reply by Tricia McLaughlin on November 2, 2010 at 3:49pm

I am sorry for all of your losses. It seems like this has been a year of mother's leaving us. Mine passed on May 31, 2010. She was 90, my best friend and confidante. I just wanted to jump in and add my view. People drive me crazy when they say such things as "She had a long life," "she's in a better place," "you should be relieved," "your mother wouldn't want you being like this, crying". BS to all of it. If they don't know what to say, then they should shut their mouths or just say "I am sorry for your loss".
When you are a caregiver or even not a caregiver but a close daughter, nothing matters except the fact that they are not with us. Grief is a natural course of life after a passing. For people to say don't grieve, they are telling you to stuff your emotions only for them to crop up at some point later on when you least expect it.
I've been thinking about writing a book about grief in all of this (I'm not a publicist), a book about what to say and not say to a person grieving.
So bottom line, yes, it is going to hurt (it is still for me) and, yes, it is okay to cry and grieve. Keep putting one step in front of the other and try not to get into a deep depression, but it takes at least a year for it to start getting bearable. Even if it is longer, it doesn't mean we are going crazy. Grief is different for each person.
God bless you all, Tricia