I lost my mother March 20 of this year and its been tough, esp during the holidays & birthdays.  I recently had surgery before Thanksgiving, still recovering and did not have a Thanksgiving dinner, maybe for the best? I dont know, but I do miss thanksgiving with my mother, since we lived in the same city along with a brother & sister, (total of 3 brothers & 2 sisters- the others live up north.) I always helped with the dinners (before she when went to an assisted living home and finally a nursing home), when she lived at home.  Prior to her death, last December she said to me, "Of all my many kids, seems like I only have you."  I replied to her Its okay Mom, I'll always be with you".  I know she is in a better place and not in pain as she had liver cirrosis and a broken hip.


the weekends and evening are still tough, that was when mom used to call me her last couple of years.  since she was medically removed from her home due to her health in Nov 2007, and my brother bill lived with her and supposedly took care of her in her trailer, but was too concerned about growing family who depended on my mother's ssi income to live on.  needless to say her Dr. put in her a medically stable place in an assisted living home, where she broke her hip last December and needed to be moved to a nursing home until her death.  bill did not keep up with the space rent, had the utilities cut off, and if they rent was not caught up, my mother would have lost her trailer, needless to say I evicted bill & his family.  since her move, until her passing, I have been her legal guardian and am the 'bad guy' in the family to certain family members for taking care of my mother. We ended up burying her up north.


During Nov 2007 to Mar 2010, with a brother & sister, & 2 neices my mother raised, after the passing of my sister, whom all lived in the same city, they hardly visited her.  i would take her shopping when she wanted to or bring her to her trailer, which I took over and told mom that we'd get her trailer fixed up and move her back, but she even passed before this happened.  we will be moving in to her trailer, since its almost 'fixed up'.  When bill left, he left it shambles, holes in the floors, broken windows between him being in and out of jail.


One of my fondest memories is shen my older sister came and helped for about 3 month in 2008. 

Mom, Carolyn and I were at the trailer spending the day there, fixing her lunch.  Carolyn asked what would Mom if she'd like cauliflower or broccoli. Mom said 'broccoli'.   a few minutes later she called out my nickname and said "Wow, broccoli is green".  I said okay Mom.  About a week later, Carolyn said to me, "broccoli is green", in front of Mom and Carolyn & I started laughing (this became our own litte joke between us).  Mom said, "what are you Girls laughing about"  we starting laughing again and left it at that.  Mom did not realize she said broccoli is green at that time because of her illness.  Oh how I miss Mom.


I still need to go over her worldly pocessions and distribute to my brothers and sisters, so they can have something of hers.  I miss her dearly and wish I could have been there for her more, visiting her more, taking her to her trailer more, taking care of her more, listening to her more.  I miss and love her dearly.  may she rest in peace, walk again, see my brother & sister, her parents.  God Bless her 

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Thanks for your letter it made me think when you have people you love in your life take time with them becouse life is short i hope God will  provide to you everything that is needed to care and sustain your heart at this sad time.  Isaiah 41:10,13.

kathy, thank you for your kind words.  As I said, holidays and birthdays have tough and mom's birthday was Jan 2, that means Carolyn & mine are next mid January.  i dread for my birthday to come, mom always called and sang happy birthday to me (i still have her beautiful memories, so its all good).  again thank you for the kind words. 


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