Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Nikki on May 21, 2015 at 12:39pm

I tried to handle it on my own and it took me two years to realiZe I needed help, I started therapy and I see a psychiatrist and it helps a lot

Permalink Reply by Gilda on May 21, 2015 at 2:58pm

I'm very sorry for your loss.  Five months later, I am still struggling with grief over my father's death.  I'm actually crying more now, because the reality has set in, but I am sleeping better and my appetite is better than the first few months.  I think the crying is helping to relieve the tension.  I started therapy almost immediately, because I knew this is going to be the struggle of my life!  I didn't like the first three therapists I tried, but the fourth one seems better.  She's an expert in emotional intelligence.  Don't give up, if you don't like your first therapist or your second or third, there's bound to be one who is a proper fit for you.  I find that talking to relatives is not as helpful as talking to a therapist.  My only complaint is that 45 minute sessions are a bit short. I could easily talk for five hours about how I miss my dad.  

I also have finally found a church I like on the fifth try -- It's a beautiful gothic cathedral.  Yesterday after my therapy session, I walked over to St. Dominic's and lighted candles for my father, my mother, my grandmother, my great uncle and the late parents of my best friend.  Little rituals like that to honor the dead can help.  It's better than just thinking sad thoughts.  I also have a shrine to my father in my home with a metal arched niche I bought from Design Toscano, various statues of Mary and the saints, and battery operated candles that burn day and night.  If you're not Christian, you can use Buddhist or pagan statues and objects or just pictures and things that remind you of your mom.   I wish you peace and consolation. 

Permalink Reply by dream moon on May 22, 2015 at 12:39pm

im so sorry  for yore loss dad died in 2012 it kills me his gon mums got memry probs sto;;still dont no if iys demtensa we dont it feals lk tormentsa it dos im not bean funny im not it jurs feals lk it 2 day is 1 of my dad days im nit fealng sorry for my slf im not its grief 

Permalink Reply by Debbie Winans on May 27, 2015 at 10:48am

I wish I had good suggestions.  It's just a hard time and it hasn't been very long for you (just over a couple of weeks).  After you get through the funeral and stuff, that is when the loss really starts to sink in.  My Mom passed away in 2000 and my Dad and I got really close after.  We were before, but it just got stronger.   I had moved back home when my Mom was ill, and my Dad wasn't the type to live alone very well.  My Dad just passed away last October.  The sting is easing up but I'll always miss him.  Have a hard time on holidays and my birthday coming up as it's the first time ever he won't be there.   Don't try to do everything that needs to be done (if there is a lot for your Mom) at once, take time for yourself, talk to people that understand (like here).  Like Nikki said, don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. 

Permalink Reply by Brittany S on May 27, 2015 at 3:53pm

Hey Charles!

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. When it comes to taking care of ones with a chronic disease it is an exhausting and emotional process. However, when they pass it can leave you with deeper grief because you feel even more endeared, having spent so much intimate time with your loved one. As was mentioned by others you are going to go through several different types of emotions, including denial, guilt, depression, anger, and grief. BUT please be assured that you can have peace. I lost my mom when I was 17 suddenly when she had a massive heart embolism and I went through each of these at different times. I stayed busy and tried to take care of my family who was saddened, but I did not allow myself to grieve properly and cry. Feel free to let some of that out and do not let it build up and internalize into a horrible storm down the road. Think of the positive things and the happy memories you and your mother shared. Write things down in a journal. These are things that helped me deal with the pain. It never goes away but you can learn to deal with it better. Most importantly it is always comforting to know that there are others out there who have dealt with the same type of pain and anguish you are experiencing.

If you are a religious person like me, I found these scriptures to really help pull me through:

James 1:13- God did not cause this tragedy to happen

Psalm 34:18-God gives special attention to those broken hearted

1 Corinthians 15:26 and Revelation 21:3,4- Future promise of the end of death and pain

Philippians 4:6,7-How we can cope in the meantime

Permalink Reply by Trudy Jenkins on June 2, 2015 at 9:53pm

It has been 7 months now since I lost my mom to Alzheimer's.  I lost my dad 19 days after she passed away.  I can tell you it isn't any easier knowing when the are going to pass and when it is a shock.  There is such an emptiness.The year and half before, she passed I learned to say, when she asked for "trudy" when I see here I will tell her what you said.  You couldn't help but smile when they said something like this, but it also broke your heart.  I missed my mom for a long time before she was gone, but missing her physically was also really hard.  I miss that smile she would give me when I walked into her room, her not knowing who i was, but she knew she like me.  

Permalink Reply by lynn on June 8, 2015 at 10:42am

My mom passed 3 years ago -she had cancer on/off for 20 yrs. my sister and I sat in hospice for the last 5 weeks - initially unbearable and I suffered with extreme anxiety and exhaustion- the steps for grieving are for real - look them up they helped me a lot-I jumped into work and gym - it helped my mental while I grieved-  I started to learn to really enjoy simple things - by trying to live in the moment-mothers day birthdays hard- but eventually I was praying for time to go by - now 3 yrs I am functioning again- she always has my heart but she told me to continue living and that is what I am to do - good luck all things will pass I never thought things would get better and I really thought I was going to die when she did - so I understand but it will get better- I did find when I talked to people that had lost their mom  we connected in a way - the ones with their moms alive could really not understand