Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Kathryn Sheffler on March 8, 2012 at 2:01pm

I lost my father in December 2011, and what you are feeling I had felt too.  I was completely numb to what was going on after he passed away.  I, too, had been taking care of my father in the final months, and he spent the last two months of his life in the hospital.  It wasn't unusual for me to be alone at home too, but what was different is that I had time to be at home.  I had been spending every free moment with my Dad when I wasn't working.  Then all of a sudden my life was my own again, but I had this big gaping hole in my heart where my Dad used to fill.  Throughout the days following his death, all the way through the viewings and the funeral and burial, I was strong, I didn't cry, I didn't get overly emotional, I just went through the motions.  It wasn't until all of the "hoopla" surrounding the goodbye rituals that most of us do that I finally had a chance to digest what was going on.  It didn't really hit me until about a month after he died.  I found I had no motivation to get up and do my daily things like working and other activities.  When it started to effect me more greatly, I sought help from the local grief support center.  They were tremendously helpful in listening to how I felt and encouraged me to not be afraid to talk to my PCP about what I was feeling.  She diagnosed me with depression and I have found a medicine that has helped lift the fog I've been in the last three months.  It has not been easy, and I'm not say that this medicine is a cure all for what I've been feeling.  But when I started to really feel the emotions of losing my parent, it consumed my world.  I just want you to know that it's perfectly normal to feel numb right now, but know that you are allowed to feel that way.  You won't always feel that way, but you need to know that there are avenues to get help.  You don't have to go the medication route like I did, but seek out support groups and friends who will let you talk and listen to what you're feeling.  You would be surprised just how helpful they could be.  I wish you luck, and please feel free to continue posting because this is a great place to seek support for how you're feeling.

Permalink Reply by Ella Whitfield on March 10, 2012 at 11:44am

Betty, I lost my mother December 28, 2011 and I know how you are feeling. I work overseas and I was emailed by my brother about my mothers death!  I can tell you that was the most horrible way to hear about my precious "babygirl" and that's where my denial came in.  I ran so hard and fast after reading the mail till I fell.  It felt as if I had ran 10 miles when it was only from my spot in my tent to the outside of the tent 15 feet from the door.  I screamed so loud everyone that could hear me came out, I must of cried for it seems four hours.  I flew home in shock and disbelief because I had just seen her not three weeks earlier.  During the preparation for her funeral I still felt like I was dreaming and that someone was going to tell me they were playing that she's fine and I just got pranked.  At the viewing I stared at her like she was a stranger, I knew it was momma because the lady looked like her but surely that can't be her because she promised me she would be home when I finished working overseas.  Even at her funeral it was so uplifting the spirit in the church and the things people said about her but I still felt like I was being played a joke on and at any minute someone is going to say "got you"!  As I walked away from the her casket something keep saying in my head go lift it up and see if she's there, but I knew that would set well with others.  I left a week after my mothers funeral headed back overseas and thats when all my walls come crumbling down.  Its two months and six days since we barried my darling mother and I'm still in the twilight zone.  I cry almost everyday because I'm so far away from family, which probably makes it more harder to realize that she's truly gone.  I still however can't wrap my heart around the tought of it.  I will take time, "I guess" or at least thats what I'm told.  Just hang in there because we all here on this site are in a stage of healing ourselves and you have friends here that will listen to you and talk to you when it becomes unbearable.  Don't worry about breaking down or bugging out, when you're ready it will come and bring some peace with it.  Stay strong as best you can, things will be okay.

Permalink Reply by Diane Gordon on March 11, 2012 at 1:26pm

I would like to agree with everyone by saying that things will be OK, but I lost my mom in January 2011 and things still are not OK.  Honestly, things will never be the same.  I go through the motions of life, but I know inside I always feel this deep burning sorrow, and I  feel so alone.  My mother was my world and I have so, so many regrets surrounding her death.  I will never be the same and there is never a day that goes by that I don't cry for her.  However, until my journey on this earth is over and I meet with her again I will try to be strong and hold on the precious memories I have of her.
Ella Whitfield said:

Betty, I lost my mother December 28, 2011 and I know how you are feeling. I work overseas and I was emailed by my brother about my mothers death!  I can tell you that was the most horrible way to hear about my precious "babygirl" and that's where my denial came in.  I ran so hard and fast after reading the mail till I fell.  It felt as if I had ran 10 miles when it was only from my spot in my tent to the outside of the tent 15 feet from the door.  I screamed so loud everyone that could hear me came out, I must of cried for it seems four hours.  I flew home in shock and disbelief because I had just seen her not three weeks earlier.  During the preparation for her funeral I still felt like I was dreaming and that someone was going to tell me they were playing that she's fine and I just got pranked.  At the viewing I stared at her like she was a stranger, I knew it was momma because the lady looked like her but surely that can't be her because she promised me she would be home when I finished working overseas.  Even at her funeral it was so uplifting the spirit in the church and the things people said about her but I still felt like I was being played a joke on and at any minute someone is going to say "got you"!  As I walked away from the her casket something keep saying in my head go lift it up and see if she's there, but I knew that would set well with others.  I left a week after my mothers funeral headed back overseas and thats when all my walls come crumbling down.  Its two months and six days since we barried my darling mother and I'm still in the twilight zone.  I cry almost everyday because I'm so far away from family, which probably makes it more harder to realize that she's truly gone.  I still however can't wrap my heart around the tought of it.  I will take time, "I guess" or at least thats what I'm told.  Just hang in there because we all here on this site are in a stage of healing ourselves and you have friends here that will listen to you and talk to you when it becomes unbearable.  Don't worry about breaking down or bugging out, when you're ready it will come and bring some peace with it.  Stay strong as best you can, things will be okay.

Permalink Reply by Lori Sherry on March 18, 2012 at 2:02pm

Hi Betty,

 

My name is Lori Sherry. I lost my dad on July 3rd 2010. I still can't believe that he's gone. I know that he is still with me and that he is O.K.. He wasn't only my dad but, my best friend. I took care of him before he had to go into the nursing home and before that he was in the hospital. I haven't cried for a long time but, I feel like it sometimes. I didn't cry or get overemotional at the funeral. When we had our family over at one time I was really upset and crying alot when my aunt and cousin came and they put up new drapes but, they were the wrong color and I was really upset and crying at the time. I have a big hole in my heart where my dad used to fill. My dad took care of me and worked while my mom worked.

I do have the support of God, my mom and my friends and that has helped alot.

I'm really sorry for your loss.

Permalink Reply by Lori Sherry on March 18, 2012 at 2:02pm

Hi Betty,

 

My name is Lori Sherry. I lost my dad on July 3rd 2010. I still can't believe that he's gone. I know that he is still with me and that he is O.K.. He wasn't only my dad but, my best friend. I took care of him before he had to go into the nursing home and before that he was in the hospital. I haven't cried for a long time but, I feel like it sometimes. I didn't cry or get overemotional at the funeral. When we had our family over at one time I was really upset and crying alot when my aunt and cousin came and they put up new drapes but, they were the wrong color and I was really upset and crying at the time. I have a big hole in my heart where my dad used to fill. My dad took care of me and worked while my mom worked.

I do have the support of God, my mom and my friends and that has helped alot.

I'm really sorry for your loss.

Permalink Reply by Betty jean on March 19, 2012 at 5:00am

Things seem to be getting harder not easier I miss her more and more everyday, it still does not seem real.

Permalink Reply by Jennifer Rivera on March 21, 2012 at 9:01am

I have a question for anyone that can answer. I am looking for someone or a place that can make a memory quilt for me of some specific articles of clothing I have of my mom's. I think I am ready to do something with them. Not give them away but to have a quilt I can keep close to me. Does anyone know of anybody?

Permalink Reply by Altheia Biaterana on March 31, 2012 at 3:39pm

Betty I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom in Nov. on my birthday and my best friend just last Sunday. The pain is overwhelming. I will pray for you to get some balance and rest.

Permalink Reply by Betty jean on April 29, 2012 at 10:38pm

Hey Mary Gayle 8 am so sorry for your loss and I know how you feel, every time I try to talk about my mom and or how Im feeling people look at me like "really, again" I don't feel any less pain than before it seems to be worse. I miss her more and more every day. My dad was staying with me but has decided to go back home he seems to be going down his healthis not good and like you said should I bring my up he gets very upset. My brother moved away about 2 weeks ago and I hear from him some my sister we have always been different and don't talk at all now. My husband tries I think to understand but he lost his mother when he was 8 so he always says things like " at least you ahd longer time than I did" and his son passed a few years ago so then I feel like I am triggering his emotions so I am like you no one to talk to. I found a shirt of my moms that smells just like her and I hold it close every night I miss her so much. This site has been a great place for me to vent and express myself with others that know how I feel. I am here for you Mary

Permalink Reply by Deborah Parker on June 9, 2012 at 8:03am

Stay strong in spirit!

My mom passed in March 2010 and has been spiritually parenting me since then.

Check out my blog post here on legacy where I talk about what it was like in her final days. Hope it will confirm that we're not alone in this tough life reality of loss.

http://connect.legacy.com/profiles/blogs/sorrow-sands-trekking-my-m...

Permalink Reply by Ella Whitfield on June 9, 2012 at 10:45am

Excuse me guys my meaning of everything will be okay is simply saying that through Gods grace and mercy the pain of "our" loses will become bareable and we will be okay!  There's never going to be a moment when we don't think of our loved one's who have moved on, but grace and mercy shall cover it all.  Have a blessed one and I'm praying for you all.
 
Mary Gayle Barbeau said:

I to have to agree with Diane Gordon,

Everything is not ok. Mom died October 26 , 2011. She died of cancer at the age of 78 . She was my best friend as well as my mother. My 82 year old father is still living and I am so greatfull for that. I had to put her pictures away , I cry all the time, I have no one to talk to about it because everyone thinks I should be over it. It's been six months and it still feels like yesterday. The emptyness in my chest seems it will never go away. I have five brother and a sister that lives away . My brothers have gone on with their lives and I never see any emotions from them. They don't want to talk about it. My sister and I talk , but I don't always want to upset her.

 My father is another stoy, he is worse now than ever. His best friend , and wife of 63 years is gone. I can't talk to him because he starts to cry.

I need a friend who understands how I'm feeling .

Mary Gayle

Permalink Reply by Chelle on June 12, 2012 at 5:45pm

I lost my mom 11/06/11. I am barely holding on. Some days are okay, but most just hurt. She wasn't sick at all. She died in her sleep. She wasn't old either, 64 yrs old. She was my best friend and I miss her so much it pains me to even think. People think I should be over it so I pretend. I feel like I died too. I am so sorry each of your losses.