At 25 years old, I never expected to face a life time without my Dad, who was only 62 when he passed on March 28, 2013.  Sure, I spent 25 years loving all of his jokes, learning his lessons, at times butting heads, but it just seems like a single drop in a barrel.  As an adult, I looked forward to many, many years of enjoying each other, as father and daughter, of course, but also as best friends.  I was always a Daddy's girl, as you can see in my profile picture, and I just feel this bottomless pit of misery every day, all day long, knowing I will not get to share another second with him.  Thankfully, I have my Mom and Sister for support, but we have always done things our own way, and grief is the most apparent one.  I've been struggling trying to keep my eye on the prize, which is living a joyous life, because my Dad wouldn't have wanted anything less.  I can hear him telling me to enjoy the little things around me and not dwell on the intense pain that has engulfed my heart.  Some days it seems easy to do, but most days it is a struggle to even crack a smile.  I have so much to look forward to in life; marriage, children, retirement, grandchildren, and though some of those events I fully expected to be celebrating without my Dad, getting married and having children without my Dad around just seems bitter sweet.  My wedding day, no matter what way I look at it, will never EVER be what I expected it to be for the last 25 years.  Taking my kids to Grandpa and Grandma's wont ever happen, and he will never hold them, spoil them, or play with them.  Though they don't even exist yet, I already feel they have been cheated out of meeting a great man.  

The most depressing part about the entire situation, was how unexpected it was to lose him.  My mom lost her brother, my uncle, on March 4, 2013.  Our family was reeling from the shock of losing him suddenly, so when 3 weeks later my Dad was hospitalized, we were all numb, and couldn't even imagine the possibility of losing someone else.  My Dad started getting better, and all of a sudden overnight, things went from okay, to grim.  One family having to go to two funerals in less than a month is just plain cruel.  I cant even begin to understand how my Mom feels.  Of everyone in the entire family, her losses are seemingly the most profound, losing a brother and husband 3 weeks apart.  I try to be a good support for her, but in grief your heart wants you to be selfish, because the pain is so deep it is impossible to ignore.  I've managed to make big decisions and get my life in order since his passing, but sometimes I feel so weak it's hard to care, and I guess I just want to be part of a community who can sympathize with how I'm feeling, and maybe even give me a good laugh.  Even though we are all here because we have experienced a tremendous loss, it's still comforting to know I'm not alone.