Tips for grieving a beloved father

My Dad passed away on Sept. 9th, 2012. I'm interested in tips or what helped any of you grieve. Attached is a photo of the kind, dear, generous man he was.

Right now I have few regrets except that I wished I had recorded his long slow drawl telling rambling stories (he had so many), or taken a few significant recent pictures. He and I were very very close, he was my safe person, a comfort, a joy, my friend. It has been my greatest fear to lose him. I had dreams in the months preceding about his death, and peaceful conversations with him about his death, which was a sort of preparation, but it's still heartbreaking.

I have much to be thankful of, but would also like your comfort, advice and suggestions. Thank you all.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Diamond on September 30, 2012 at 3:24pm

What helped me with the passing of my Dad - was to have some "quiet" time. This is sometimes not given enough attention. Most people feel you need to be around others - however, my "quiet" time allowed me to grieve how I wanted to in respects to my Dad. I was able to sit alone and replay the many conversations, trips, and songs that he truly enjoyed.

At times, having well meaning friends around made it difficult for me to handle my emotions. For me, I felt like I need an escape where I could cry, talk, laugh and scream if I must without being overly concern with how my behavior was affecting others.

Then.......when I needed that listening ear - I knew how to reach out to my friends and associates. The biggest friend I had was Almighty God - he was always there for me which gave me the comfort I needed. (Romans 15:4).

At times, I would go to the Park alone and sometimes with a friend. I would just allow my mind to play back the many joyful ocassions I shared with my Dad.

I also kept some of his items that I treasured. I read his writing and is able to reflect on the many conversation we had in the past. With the application listed....I have been able to heal over time. Now, when I think of my Dad - I just smile!!!!!

Permalink Reply by RJ on October 3, 2012 at 4:20pm

Thank you so much Diamond for your thoughtful and specific response. It made me feel better about spending quite a bit of time alone now, and actually feeling better in a strange way when I was alone and had all the "room" and freedom to just be with the Lord, do some projects slowly and quietly, etc. I haven't spent as much time with my Mom and brother. But we are all doing well I suppose and we are all on our own journeys.

The other thing about your response was how encouraging the last comment you made is to me: "now when I think of Dad -- I just smile!!!" Oh I can do that a bit now, but pray that I will really enter into that phase soon. There is so much to be thankful for, he was a wonderful Dad and is in the place he was so looking forward to being--with the Lord in glory.

Thank you again for helping....

Permalink Reply by Diamond on October 3, 2012 at 5:25pm

Hello RJ

I am so happy that I was able to be of encouragement to you. Yes, the alone time help. That is when I can pray without distractions - phone or door bell ringing. I feel, the alone time get you in touch with your inner most feelings.

I am glad you can now reflect with a smile. You see, Our Heavenly Father has given us so much - imagine our Memory - it stores information, pictures, words and images, etc. All we have to do is think of our love one and feel our love for them, see the images we have imprinted in our mind and replay the many conversation we had with our love ones. That is why I can smile and so can you!. It is a wonderful gift given to us by our heavenly creator.

Now, I respect your honesty in praying. Give it time. Look around you - look at the beautiful creation, the heavens, the sun, moon, stars and just mankind - how beautifully we are made. Everything is in proportion. We are truly beautifully made. So, in your quiet time..just look and meditate - could all of this have come about by chance where everything is created in exactness. The location of the sun and moon and even how our eyes how they are even across our face. The nose centered.

So, keep giving yourself time and you will heal and may even discover things you took no notice of before. Listen to some soft music and enjoy!!

(Revelation 4:11)

Permalink Reply by Jenn on October 3, 2012 at 7:47pm

Hello, I read that your father passed away Sept 9 2012, my father passed away Sept 12 2009.

I have actually not come to this forum to read or write for quite a while but when I noticed your Dad's dates I for a moment thought it was the same date as my Dad. However that is not the case and your loss is very recent. I can write so much about how I know how you feel as with my Dad's death was very similar to mine. My Dad was 84 and had pretty prepared himself for it but I was definitely not ready and really was in denial of it happening. Until the dreaded day it came and I was not prepared whatsoever.

I can tell you that I went through terribly grief and guilt but I also know he was ready and wanted to go peacefully. I wish I wrote down all those lifetime stories he had told also. I also wish I had taken more photos and so on. I think we all wish these things.

What I wanted to share with you is , my greatest fear after he passed away was that I would "forget" things that I really didn't want to. For example, his voice, the sound of it, his laughter, how his eyes would light up and how it sounded. His smell, and how I knew it so well. All these things I was afraid to let go of and feared I would miss those so much. It has been 3 years now and I can tell you that I have NOT forgetten any of that. I can still remember and hear his voice and I can smell him even though I cant really ... you will not lose those.