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loss of a parent

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Time is not healing loss of my best friend, my mum

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My Story

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Family secrets cloud the grief

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Comment by melena on February 3, 2011 at 10:41pm

  If u came across a person with a broken arm, you wouldn't say, Just give it time.  Just as broken bones should be properly set to heal and function again, so must the heart.  We all know to many people whose hearts remain broken partly because they are waiting for time to heal them, time doesn't.  I've learned a hard lesson dealing with grief you can't pinpoint a time frame, you can't just forget about the loved one, and yes life goes on but not the life we once had.  My mom passed Dec.13,09 and there isn't a day that goes by that I wish she was still here.Death of the one we love produces emotions that can be described as the feeling of reaching out for someone who has always been there, only to find out when we need them 1 more time, they r no longer there.  This thing called "Grief" is the hardest thing in my life, and it's even harder when u can't talk to the people u live with cause they don't understand why u can't just go on.  I think it's because some people have more of a heart, where as the ones that say you'll get over it.  Well they just don't understand.  Not every person can just do that,everyone griefs differently and u can't say when u can just stop grieving.  I hope this might help someone.  I do understand what all of u are going threw and how u sometimes feel as thow your crazy.

 

Comment by stacey marriott on February 3, 2011 at 9:35pm
I was so touched by ur page. I'm sorry and I know how it hurts to want more time but u sound unselfish.. not like me when I lost my dad. I think I just barely became aware of some of the things u pointed out yourself in ur comment. please look within and know u got ur answers there. the pain will pass and with good people. around u. thank u again. you have shown me a better way of grieving.
Comment by stace ann on February 3, 2011 at 3:14am
My mother had colon cancer. she fought it for three years. last night at 10 pm she is finally pain free. that i am grateful for. the last two weeks were so long and very hard. she wanted to stay at home. so my sis dad and i took care of her. it was so confusing when she lost her appetite. the nurse said it was ok but it was just weird to us. she mumbled a lot i knew she was trying to talk to us. it was so frustrating. one night i was laying in bed with her and i just start bawling. she turned to me reached her hand out put it on my cheek and said "whats wrong?" it surprised me. i said " i am gonna miss you when you go" she said " go where?" thats when i knew she would always be with me. i sat with her all day yesterday. rolling her every half hour. i just kept telling her its ok mom. you can go. its ok. her brother finnally got the courage to come see her. as she was asking for for weeks. she reached out to him. she amazes me how strong she was. then we settled down for the night. around 9:30 i was talking to my boyfriend i told him "i just dont want her to be in pain anymore." then my dad comes down at ten tells me shes gone. we all hugged each other and called family. i layed by her side holding her hand bawling for two hours until they came and took her from us. i know she is with me but still i feel numb and empty. the house is so quiet without her laughter. its hard because she is my best friend and the only person i trusted. everyone else i always have a wall up. but with her it was so easy to be myself. i just dont  how to do anything anymore.
Comment by Terri Kuta on January 29, 2011 at 1:00pm

Loretta

I am so sorry for everything you are going thru, do you have people with you that can be of comfort, I lost my mom at 53 from cancer and she had been sick for over 3 years but the doctors never found the cancer until it was to last, I lost my father this past aug of cancer but he ws 87 and was very unhappy for the past 10 years, then i lost my youngest son less then 2 month later he died on november 19h my father would have been 88 on noember 20th, the grief sometimes is unbearable even though I'm not going thru what you are i can relate to everything happening at one time, I father-in-law died of lung cancer but he lived 6 years after they found it so we will pray that your father can do the treatments and they found it in time.  Be there for your grandmother she just lost her daughter and is sick herself let her help you with your grief. 

Comment by Terri Kuta on January 29, 2011 at 1:00pm

Loretta

I am so sorry for everything you are going thru, do you have people with you that can be of comfort, I lost my mom at 53 from cancer and she had been sick for over 3 years but the doctors never found the cancer until it was to last, I lost my father this past aug of cancer but he ws 87 and was very unhappy for the past 10 years, then i lost my youngest son less then 2 month later he died on november 19h my father would have been 88 on noember 20th, the grief sometimes is unbearable even though I'm not going thru what you are i can relate to everything happening at one time, I father-in-law died of lung cancer but he lived 6 years after they found it so we will pray that your father can do the treatments and they found it in time.  Be there for your grandmother she just lost her daughter and is sick herself let her help you with your grief. 

Comment by Loretta Husted on January 29, 2011 at 2:13am

MY MOM PASSED AWAY ON JAN 20,2011 IN IOWA WHERE SHE LIVED WITH MY STEP DAD. HER PASSING CAME TO BE A VERY BIG SHOCK. SHE WAS YOUNG 51. SHE HAS BEEN SICK FOR ALONG TIME NOW. IK SHE IS IN A BETTER PLACE NOW. SENCE SHE PASSED MY GRANDMA HER MOM WAS PUT IN THEN HOSPITAL WITH A LUNG INFECTION. SHE IS DOING BETTER NOW.. I THINK WHY IM HAVING A VERY HARD TIME WITH IT. IS MY DAD IS DYING OF LUNG CANCER AND WE DONT HAVE MUCH TIME LEFT WITH HIM. WE FOUND OUT ABOUT THE CANCER ON 8-12-2010 THE DAY BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY. PLUS MY GRANDMA IS IN HER LAST STAGES OF ALZTMERS AND HER HEALTH IS BAD AND THE DOCTOR DONT THINK SHE WILL BE WITH US MUCH LONGER EITHER. IM REACHING OUT FOR HELP GETTING THROUGH ALL THIS. I HOPE TO HERE FROM SOMEONE WITH ADVISE HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS ALL

Comment by Elizabeth Dawn Bolick on January 28, 2011 at 10:18pm
Just looking for a place to share my grief and loss if my mom 5 months ago. It is easier to know that everyone here knows what I am feeling and I can share. My dad remarried less thn 3 months after she passed to some woman he knew one week and met online. He is her SIXTH husband. My parents were married 46 years and he has not even put a headston on her grave. I cannot get over how disrespectful and unfeeling he is being. My sister and I quit speaking to him and our brother has not been seenor heard from since the day of mom's funeral. I still cry almost daily and I feel I am wearing my friends out. I don't talk about her much to them anymore. Something almost everyday sets me off into some sort of grief. I am really sad my adult daughter has not even acknowledged her death and my 14 year old daughter doesn't ever want to talk about it( we lived with my parents for a few years and my mom helped raise her). Only my 2 year old daughter seems to notice by going to my mom's picture and saying "Grammie" and then going to Jesus picture. She seems to get that we told her Grammie went to live with Jesus.
Comment by Rebecca Aubin on January 27, 2011 at 6:56pm
I lost my mom on March 10, 2010 at the age of 63. It was a complete shock to me and my 4 sisters. She seemed like a healthy woman going about her day as usual. But she suffered a massive stroke because of years of high blood pressure. My sister and I found her at home unconscious in her chair. The stroke caused a brain hemorrhage and she was gone in an instant although she remained in the hospital for 24 hours until her heart gave in. I can't get the image of her in the chair out of my head. I see it all the time and I replay the scene of calling 911 and standing there in shock over and over and over. Even my dreams are distorted and there's always something not quite right in them.
Comment by Autumn Pauley on January 18, 2011 at 11:02am
Debbie thank you for the support. Saturday I finally got the courage up to talk to my Stepmother. We talked for about an hour an a haf. I expressed what I had been going through and so did she. She told me what the family did for Christmas this year (I did not go because I spent most of the day crying). We had. A good conversation. I still have not been to his house yet. She has startted to get rid of his stuff. I am not happy about it but I understand how she can just move on so fast. She has painted his house gotten rid of the furniture and bought new stuff. I just don't understand.
Comment by debbie flores on January 17, 2011 at 10:21pm

Autumn, Hopefully his birthday will be easy for you. I also lost my hubby 1.5 yrs ago, when his birthday came for the first time. I did arrange a family function very similar to what we would have done, had he still been alive. That made it very comfortable for me. But this losing a parent is different, none of us is trying to upset the other. For the last couple of years, my mom & I weren't always on the same page & honestly,it was due to my stubborness & attitude. But I don't feel that events my griefing. We were past that & she understood.She also understood I was very much like her...

Peggy, Thanks My girls have been great thru all of this. The problem being, I'm the youngest in our family,therefore lower in rank. My older sister is forgeting, my mom helped me quite a bit when my girls were born. She had retired by that time & provided childcare for my girls for many years. They were very, very close so the girls have deeply been affected. My sister is choosing to be selfish in her attitude about my girls' emotions. Of course all of us are griefing & in pain. But the girls are younger & feel differently than us adults do. And she's just not making this any easier on me, due to her attitude & selfishness.

 

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