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loss of a parent

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Time is not healing loss of my best friend, my mum

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Family secrets cloud the grief

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Comment by Melinda Ellen Guinn on October 17, 2012 at 9:02pm

I'm so sorry Misty. I wish I had words to make you feel better. That was too young to go. Sorry about your brother also.  I know this isn't the only life we live. My Mom passed in February of 2010. 2 months later I lost my only child, Candace Rae Watson, who had just turned 30 yrs old and had a family. She came to me the day b/4 her funeral so I know for a fact life, continues after death. We'll all be reunited.

Comment by Misty Wilson on October 17, 2012 at 2:18pm

July 10, 2012 my parents were in a head on collision. My mom went to the hosp by ambulance and was in critical condition. My dad just had some soreness and cuts and bruises. My mom spent 64 days in ICU. she had numerous blood transfusions and numerous surgeries and Passed away after a long HARD fight on Sept 12, 2012. The lady that hit my parents died on impact. I do feel sorry for her family she left behind, but I am in an angry stage also. I have since found out that the toxicology results show she was on Meth, Pot and Xanax. My mom was only 63 yrs old with 3 kids and 8 grandkids. She had already lost a son (my brother)  on a motorcycle last April, so she had already been thru so much in the last yr. I remember her telling the drs many times before her 1st surgery to make sure she came off the vent, she wanted to live to see her grandkids grow up. She made it off the vent 2 times but her body had put up such a fight it finally got tired and gave up on her. It has only been 5 weeks today since she passed away and it has only gotten harder. I was very strong at first. I didnt even cry much when she took her last breath b/c she didnt look like my momma laying there and I knew she was going to be much better off in Heaven with my brother. The 1st week I went into take over my mommas role and me and my sister planned the funeral and made the video and picked out the flowers, we did everthing we could to make it easy on my dad, plus we had to have her visitiation on my little girls bday. He was exhausted, he had set by her bedside EVERY day for 64 days. but now that things have settled down and I am trying to work 7 days a week some weeks and taking care of my husband and 3 kids, it has all caught up with me. I havent been able to really grieve yet and I am miserable. I thought the hardest day was on my birthday Sept 19th 1 week after she passed b/c that was the 1st time in 33 yrs my mom had not sang happy birthday to me. But the last 3 weeks seem to be the hardest lately. Last night I had a big break down in my car on my way home from work. I cried so hard I almost thru up and I was having anxiety isssues. In my car is ususally when I get to break down but then I have to pull myself together to get my kids and then I am full of everything I held in and then I am angry. I don't know how to deal with this. I don't want to go on I feel guilty living life and I think so many crazy things all the time. I also found out that the lady who hit my parents has a sister who is actually in jail for vehicular manslaughter, She hit a family in May of this year on drugs tooo, then her sister apparently didnt learn anything from it and got behind the wheel messsed up too and hit my parents. She wasnt even in her car if she evenhad one, she has been introuble with the law on numerous occasions for drugs also. I just have so many emotions going thru me right now and I don't know how to deal with them. i am already on meds but they not helping.

Comment by Helen Johnson Foehlinger on October 17, 2012 at 8:55am

Theresa...thank you for replying. It's good to know that what I am feeling is normal. Sometimes those around me make me feel like I have totally gone off the deep end instead of just sightly.

Kathryn Augie's mom...You arent alone!! It feels like it I know. I am there too. No one understood me like my dad and no one could even come close to filling the shoes he left behind.

No one took care of things or made me take care of things like my dad. I miss the "checking in" calls! I think the 5 minute ones the most!!

 

Comment by Kathryn Augie's mom on October 17, 2012 at 1:00am
In December it will 2 years since my son, my only child, at 18 suddenly passed from a massive brain anuerysn but also January will be one year since the other man in my life passed, my Daddy. Although I have my mom sister husband and brother in law I am alone in my pain. I miss Daddy, late at night when the tears for my heartache over my beautiful son ceased to stop flowing he wan the only one I could call, and now I have no one.
Comment by jennifer bayless on October 16, 2012 at 11:52pm

thank you for all the posts on losing a mom.  I am truly worried about my dad, the sadness seems to be getting deeper, and the loneliness is so apparent. If he had to come to the USofA to stay with hubby and I, we would worry less. hmmmmmh, how the death of mom has changed everything...

Comment by Theresa LaSalle on October 16, 2012 at 8:15pm

Helen

Everything you feel is normal...I get the anniversary thing...my mom, Vicky, is not on this earth for two years this coming Christmas...I think it means we've been without them too long already...we want it to be a shorter amount of time that they are not with us...but your dad is with you always...our parents love us too much not to be. Be good to yourself. Theresa

Comment by Helen Johnson Foehlinger on October 16, 2012 at 7:37pm

Hi My name is Helen and this is the first time I have tried to do something like this. My father died 8 months ago (2-14-12) and since then my family has not been close. I guess he was the glue. I have a friend who is there when she can be but in 2011 we lost her daughter at the age of 17. I left my husband in 2011 also. He says he wants to be supportive but I get fed up with hearing him tell me how he thinks I should grieve. My other friends dont know how to deal with me sad. I was always the life of the party. I know I am not always "doing" good but I still get up everyday and do what is needed of me. I even laugh but know inside I am not happy but I at least try. My dad taught me to be strong and I was so a daddy's girl. He has been sick half my life and I knew at sometime I would have to live life without him. I knew I would fall hard. He was always there even when he did not know what to do or say. He wasnt someone who talked about feelings and crying was weakness to him. The night he called and told me he had Lung cancer we both broke down and he had to give the phone to my mom for a bit and when he came back on he said he was being wussy. I told him we both were. I think at that moment we both knew it was ok to be weak. There wasnt much time and he got it in his head that he could fight and win with stage 4 cancer. And a heart that had him sick for over 20yrs, one he lived with 30% for all those years. I think my mom and sisters wanted him to belive it but knew there was no hope. It was all through his body and his heart just wasnt going to be strong enough to get him through this one. He wasn't perfect but I read somewhere that that didnt matter that it was how he was rememered and by me he is remembered fondly. Something that has hit me hard this month is that I dont want the year anniversary to come and I am mad that it is getting closer and time seemed to go so fast. Is this normal? I read about grief and i understand all that I am going through and all i still have to come to terms with. I just dont know where to turn anymore. thanks for listening! :) 

Comment by Peggy Hill on October 13, 2012 at 2:34am

Melinda, I am so sorry for your loss.  I lost my mom about three years ago and that is hard enough.  I just  can't imagine you loosing your daughter too.  Your heart must be totally broken.  You are in my heart and in my prayers.  I hope you get some peace.

Comment by Melinda CANDACE Guinn on October 12, 2012 at 6:57pm

I just lost  about a half hour's of typing!!! Stupid friken pc!

Comment by s l watson on October 12, 2012 at 3:15pm

Melinda, I can't help but comment on your post.  My mother passed in December of 2010.  She would have been 96 in january if she had lived.  She had a long and productive live.  But who knew just five months after our family met for her service that we would be meeting again to mourn the loss of my nephew's wife.  Angela was only 42 and died suddenly in her sleep from heart arrythmia (likely spelled that wrong).  She left behind a grieving family that consisted of a husband and three children, 14, 12, and 10.  It is so hard to understand why life works out the way it does.  Those children were so lost for so long.  They still miss their mom and always will.  But life goes on.  My nephew has remarried and this remarkable woman is to be commended for stepping into a family with such a vacant hole.  She is being a wonderful stepmother and has been a blessing for my nephew.  If we'll all just hang on to overcome the immediate grief, we often find a rainbow at the end.

 

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