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loss of a parent

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Time is not healing loss of my best friend, my mum

Started by Lynda Baron. Last reply by Louise Hayes Jun 21, 2018. 9 Replies

My Story

Started by LauraAnnetteR. Last reply by Diamond Sep 24, 2016. 6 Replies

Family secrets cloud the grief

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Comment by Danyale Main on January 18, 2015 at 10:22pm

Keleigh, I think, from what you've said, that you did the best you could. :) No one ever really knows how to take care of a patient, let alone when it's your own family. You mention guilt, I feel it everyday I sit at this table in my house. I wasn't more than 30 feet from my mother, who was supposed to be in bed sleeping. I sat her for two hours, and didn't think to check on her like I usually did, but that entire two hours I sat here, she was in her room, dying. When I woke up that afternoon, I had a feeling that something bad was going to happen, but I didn't know what, and I struggle everyday, wondering if I could have saved her life, if only I checked on her sooner, or done something different.

Comment by Keleigh Kilgore on January 18, 2015 at 10:57am

Melinda I can't imagne the loss of a child, I don't think there could ever be a greater loss. My ex-husbands grandmother lost all 3 of her sons to just random things and I never understood how she got through that.  Danyale, your experience is very similar to mine. My mom passed in June, was also an artist, and we didn't get along very well. I was the only one who stepped up to care for her. I quit my job put everything on hold only for her to tell me I was a bad caregiver and was doing everything wrong. I had never taken care of a dying parent...I did everything the dr's told me to do yet I have guilt b/c I feel like I didn't do enough.  Like with your mom I know she loved me, and I loved her, I just feel like I was left with no closure.

Comment by Danyale Main on January 17, 2015 at 5:34am

My mother passed away in June, and somedays it feels like yesterday, others like it's been years. I never really got along with her, we fought all the time. When I was little I had to grow up really fast. We were in a car accident and she received a TBI, Traumatic Brain Injury, and just wasn't the same again. I had to grow up... had to become the woman of the house, sorta speak. Since then she always hated me. I felt like she blamed me, in a way, for the car accident, or at least hated that she was injured and I wasn't. It was hard. I know she loved me, and I hope she knows I loved her too. The hardest part of the last 7 months has been no being allowed time to grieve, and now I have the time, but its hard to. She was an artist, so every time I drew, or painted, she would watch me, and every time I'd pause, look at her and yell at her for staring at me. I'd give anything to have her watch me draw again. I learned almost everything from watching her do it. I'm not sure what else I should say.. I don't even know if I'm doing this comment thing right... thanks for reading it.

Comment by Melinda CANDACE Guinn on January 14, 2015 at 5:07pm

So sorry Keleigh.  I lost my daughter who had just turned 30 and was raising her 3 little girls.  I lost my Mom a month b/4 my only child. I lost my little brother to P.V.O.D. Sept. 22. My Mom had throat Cancer. You'll start your own family soon and you won't be lonely. You'll have good memorys of those you've lost.  You'll never forget but it does get easier. I'm not there yet. 

Comment by Keleigh Kilgore on January 14, 2015 at 4:45pm

Just joining my first support group. Lost my daddy Sept 2013 then lost mom 9 months later. I took care of both of them and at one point both at the same time. I think losing a parent like that can cause PTSD. I dream almost 3 times a week that I am still caring for my mom. My dad was my best friend and we were able to really say goodbye and have some sort of closure. Cancer had gone to moms brain and we had no closure. One day she was with it and the next she was mentally gone. I am what's left of my family and its a very lonely feeling. 

Comment by Jenifer Rehfeld on January 11, 2015 at 9:13pm
Melissa, I've got a story similar to yours. I lost my Dad almost 4 years ago and my Mom just passed in September. Both to Cancer. If you would like to talk, or need someone to chat with let me know. It's so hard to get through and I hope maybe this site will help me. So sorry for your loss and to everyone else out there. I'm new to this site as well.
Comment by Melissa on January 7, 2015 at 2:43am
My mom passed away on Dec 21st. I lost my dad four Yeats ago. My mom passed from ovarian cancer. It is like a dream. She was 65. She did her treatment and it spread to her liver. I moved back in with her and my step dad after a divorce. I'm consumed with guilt. ( from before cancer). I just didn't realize how much I really loved her, I always thought I was a daddy's girl, however watching and taking care of her at home with hospice still didn't sink in. I can't stop crying, I can't breathe. But those 3 weeks I told her how much I loved her....
Still waiting on the graveside service. She wanted to be cremated and Xmas and new years. I wanted to join this group to read other stories. My mom is all I had left. I am 43, but I always had her and now I am loving her and mussing her so much... I hurt very bad. I hate cancer, I thought it would go away. It happened so fast.
The only thing is I feel her around. Rebecca sue Porter
Momma I love you. I hope you are with god and I hope you know how much I loved you.
Thanks for reading. I'm new to this site. And I am in serious mourning right now. And sharing with someone may help.
Missy
Comment by Theresa LaSalle on January 2, 2015 at 4:35pm

Dale, My mom passed away on December 24, 2010..Yes 4th year without her…Sometimes I can't deal with it…so I go into denial. I wish I had been there more for her…..I could have done better.  Be good to yourself. Theresa

Comment by DALE S. on January 2, 2015 at 3:23pm

 I just wanted to let everyone here, know they are in my thoughts and prayers . My mom passed on Dec.10 , 2010 . Its my 4th yr. without her . I am healing , but will never fill the the void . I have turned to God more than ever , and I know he will guide me . God Bless You All .

   

Comment by Janene Palisay on December 31, 2014 at 9:06pm
I lost my mother in 2005 to cancer..she was in a nursing home for 9 1/2 years..u have a handicapped sister who is nonverbal and lives in a facility..my dad and my mother were divorcing when she got sick..my dad remarried.. When my mother was ill it was very hard for me to deal with her illness..this past March my father passed away...these past 9 months gave been torture... His birthday was on the 16th of December, then Christmas which I always spent with him was miserable, I tried to be as normal as I could..trying to figure out how much my sister understands...everyday is a challenge for me...I miss him sooo much, I sometimes can't catch my breath..I wake up in the middle of the night crying...I hear his voice, or music he often listened to ..(did I mention I live in the same house.) I mourn my mother different, I had time to " prepare", my dad passed suddenly, and I find it very hard to cope..
 

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