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loss of a parent

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Time is not healing loss of my best friend, my mum

Started by Lynda Baron. Last reply by Louise Hayes Jun 21, 2018. 9 Replies

My Story

Started by LauraAnnetteR. Last reply by Diamond Sep 24, 2016. 6 Replies

Family secrets cloud the grief

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Comment by Susan Trimble Flowers on August 13, 2013 at 7:35am

I think no matter what we do to help our parents when they are sick & terminal for me personally I think I could've, should've. I struggle with those thoughts daily. It's very difficult when your family does't understand what you are going through. I can't count how many times I hear it's part of life and you need to stop grieving. I lost my Dad almost 8 months ago, unexpectedly. Even though he was sick

Comment by TammyDHU on August 12, 2013 at 10:38pm

I can identify with you Lynn,  I am a large part of taking care of my own mother.  She relies on me for a lot:  but most happily, we enjoy our time together as mother/daughter, I feel I owe her my life, she raised me pretty much by herself.  I am truly sorry for the loss of your mother...

 

Comment by lynn on August 12, 2013 at 10:29pm

thank you Nadia- it do not think of it as being a good daughter- that is the way I was raised- I did what I was supposed to do - when we are faced with sickness, cancer it really opened my eyes to what was REALLY important to me - and I could not get enough of my mom - And I think that is why I am dealing with her death probably beter than one of my sisters if not both - I never asked my mom for anything - actually I tried to help her as much as needed - paying for our vacations , sending her bill money- anything I could do to make her life easier I did- I know many that never even spent a week ALONE with their mom - I have influenced many to change their ways- cause I always say once they die you can NOT go back - so as I connect more families that gives me great pleasure- wishing you peace

Comment by lynn on August 12, 2013 at 10:19pm

thanks tammydhu

Comment by Nadia Macheska on August 12, 2013 at 10:19pm

Dear Lynn,

You were a wonderful daughter to your mom and you should be very proud.  You treated your mom wonderful and that's more than I could say about some of my friends and they way they felt when their mom's passed away.  Some of them were actually happy that now they could live their own lives w/o  having to care for their mom or dad!!  That upsets me so much to this very day when I hear something like that.  What they don't understand is that a mom gives her child "life" without asking for much in return.  Just a little "love" and "respect"--anyway that's how my mom was and I imagine most mom's are the same.  My mom is in the picture w/me and when she died a part of me died with her.  I will never ever be the same again.  I miss her SOOOO much!!!   There are times that I wish I could take back--like when I fought with her!!!  But I also realize that a mother knows this is going to happen and she accepts you for what you are and KNOWS that you love her and didn't mean the things you said.  Anyway, when I apologized to my mom after a fight (not a real big fight--just mom/daugher disagreement) and I always tried to because I was the one that was usually wrong!!!  She would say, I know Nadia, you didn't mean what you said!!   She always understood!!!

Thank you for all your great advice.  It really meant a lot to me.  Take care and have a wonderful day!!

Nadia

Comment by Nadia Macheska on August 12, 2013 at 10:05pm

Hi Melinda,

OMG, my heart aches for you!!!   I wish I could pass a magic star or "whatever" to you right now.  But, PLEASE--don't blame yourself for anything.  None of this was your fault.  When a person makes a decision to do or not to do something, that's what the person is feeling right at that moment.  If we knew what the future would be, we might make a different decision at that time.  But since that is not possible, the decision we make at that time is the right one for us.  Who knows--if you moved to Nevada sooner, you would not be able to save Candace and it might have even been harder for you.  And your roommate probably wouldn't have given you the money so she could be cremated.  So in the end, it all worked out--just like if you were there from the beginning.  The outcome was actually better because you were even given money so her remains could be cherished forever.   And now you have the opportunity to tell your grandchildren exactly how wonderful their mom was.  So Please, don't blame yourself, you did everything that you should have done when it was the right time to do it.  Have a good day!!!!  Take care!!!

Comment by Nadia Macheska on August 12, 2013 at 9:51pm

Thanks Tammy,  It's nice to know that someone actually cares how you're feeling and also "Truly Understands".  You will also be in my prayers..  Take care of yourself!!!

Nadia

 

Comment by Melinda CANDACE Guinn on August 12, 2013 at 8:29pm

Thanks Tammy..

Comment by TammyDHU on August 12, 2013 at 12:43pm

to lynn:

My heart is with you.  God bless your dear Momma!!!  I hope for the best for you in your future as you hold her dear in your heart...

Comment by lynn on August 12, 2013 at 11:19am

I lost my mom 15 months ago - she was 77 yrs young- she had cancer on/off for 20 yrs- she really wasn't ready to die but as she always said who will be? she lived her life as she wanted to- she was my mom, best friend, mentor, among many other things- I have been through the textbook stages of death and feeling much better- I miss and think of her every day and still cry - BUT I realize her body could not take anymore chemo and it was her time -I spent a lot of one on one time with my mom in the last 10 yrs- cause as she would say everyday is a gift -I struggle with people that have not experienced their parents death yet and they do NOT understand - they  can not even imagine-I can feel my mom around me with things that happen - I think they will always be with us in soul - and that is what makes me smile - wishing all on this page- I feel for all of you as I have been there-life goes on and we have to live it and embrace it as our passed ones would have wanted us too-peace, strength and faith-  

 

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