loss of a parent

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Time is not healing loss of my best friend, my mum

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My Story

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Family secrets cloud the grief

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Comment by TammyDHU on August 12, 2013 at 6:30am

Dearest Melinda and Nadia:  I so feel your pain!!!  I lost both my father, and my dear gramma last year...I suffer still with the pain.

I did not have the chance to grow up along with my father, for whatever reasons he kept himself away from me most of the time.  But my gramma:  I loved her and cared for her to the day before her death, I am so fortunate to have had that woman in my life to teach me things and help me to be a responsible person in the world.

I understand grief very well now.  I pray for both you ladies, that you find comfort in God and that you go on to live rich and fulfilling lives despite your losses!!!

Comment by Melinda CANDACE Guinn on August 12, 2013 at 12:03am

Thanks Nadia. I just spent 6 days with Candace's girls. Very bitter-sweet. I miss my only child SOO much! I moved from Cali to Nevada to be closer to her. I live about an hour away from them. What's killing me, and I feel so guilty about is, she asked me to move w/her because her and her husband weren't getting along. My room-mate said if I moved, I couldn't come back. I figured she would go back with her family after a short time so I told her I couldn't. After Candace passed my room-mate gave me enough money to pay for her cremation. I still moved because in my mind, he was responsible for NOT letting me move to save her!!! I'm so despondent; I have a frown on my face 24/7. I keep tellling myself I have to live so I can tell her girls what a great Mom she is! She loves them more than anything else in the world. Just like I love her!  My Mom passed in Feb and Candace passed less than 2 months later. My Mom and I weren't real close, her and my Dad were divorced when I was 8. My Grandma basically raised me along w/my Dad. I was sad for about 14 years after my Grandma passed. She passed on New Year's Eve while praying for me at church. She suffered a stroke. I feel responsible for the 2 most important people in my life. My Grandma Billie and Candace!  I need to be good so I can be with them when I cross over. Only the body dies. Their spirits went to another dimension. After Candace passed, I joined Double-Day Book Club and bought true stories of life after death. I KNOW life continues. Candace's spirit came to me. The day b/4 her funeral, I was sitting outside by the pool just talking to her. I swear I actually FELT her hands rubbing my arms up and down. She was standing behind me. I've listened to medium John Edwards and he talks about above and below, but never behind, so I can't figure that out. I went to a psychic and she told me that it was Candace!  It was a phone reading and she put it on my pc for me!! Candace's Dad told me not to believe in them because it's evil. She said said a prayer b/4 we started. I thought it was a good reading. I'll pray for you, keep the faith!

Comment by Nadia Macheska on August 11, 2013 at 10:23pm

Dear Melinda,

Thank you so much for helping me.  You know instead of me complaining to you I should be trying to console you.  The loss of a child is probably the worse thing that any parent could ever go through.  I guess I have to say, "Fortunately" I will never have to go through this.  I really don't know what I would do.  If I'm taking the death of my mom so bad, I don't think I would be able to handle the death of my child.  My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.  God is watching over you and your grandchildren & He will ease your grief and pain.  Thank you so much for praying for me.  I know that's the only thing that is going to help me and get me through this.  I will keep you in my prayers.  Thank you for being "here" for me.  Talking with someone who has been through the same or similar situation really helps.  They really do understand when they say "I understand".  Take Care.


Comment by Melinda CANDACE Guinn on August 11, 2013 at 10:11pm

Nadia, For years Candace wasn't in any of my dreams. I think my mind was protecting me from remembering because it would be too painful. As soon as you wake up, before you even open your eyes., try to remember what you were dreaming about. Ask the Lord to help you to remember. Keep a pad and pencil by your bed so you can jot down what you dreamt. Maybe later in the day, go over it and I hope you'll find some correlation in it that will apply to  your Mom. I just asked God to help you and bring peace into your life! God bless you! Candace and your Mom are better than fine where they're at. It'll all be good!

Comment by Melinda CANDACE Guinn on August 11, 2013 at 9:47pm

Karen, Your Dad will come to take your Mom to her new Home. I'm sad that my daughter didn't get to raise her 3 little girl's. Her spirit came to me the day b/4 her funeral over 3 years ago. Still, I miss her SOO much! I made the mistake of saying,"I can't wait to die to be w/Candace." Then her youngest, at 6, said she wanted to die so she could be with her Mom. I tried to explain that her Mom wants her to go to school, work, raise a family and have Great grandkids before she goes to be w/her. Loosing Candace has made me where I can't think straight.

Comment by Nadia Macheska on August 11, 2013 at 9:46pm

Dear Melinda,

Thank you for your kind and inspiring words.  I've been praying and praying for my mom to come to me to let me know that she is ok but it's never happened yet.  At this late stage, I don't think it will but I'm still hoping I guess.  I'm happy you told me about Candace's coming to you--it still gives me some hope then, even if it over 4 years.  I, too believe in God but sometimes I get mad at Him for not helping me.  But I know that that's ok too because I've spoken to someone about this and was reassured that God understands.  Thanks again, I really appreciate your caring and concern.  Take Care.


Comment by Melinda CANDACE Guinn on August 11, 2013 at 9:36pm
Nadia, I'm so sorry you're still struggling with it. Your Mom is fine in another dimension. Her spirit went there when her body couldn't sustain her anylonger. My daughter's spirit came to me the day b/4 her funeral. I KNOW there IS an afterlife. They're waiting for us and will come when it's our time. Live your life being helpful and kind to others. That's what I'm trying to do until Candace comes to take me to her new surroundings. I believe in God.
Comment by Nadia Macheska on August 6, 2013 at 5:05pm

I am still struggling with my mom's death even after 4 1/2 years...  She was my best friend, my best buddy.  I loved her so much.  I have no sisters, brothers, children, spouse--I have no one.  I do have cousins but they don't understand.  They all have their own families and are connected to them.  I lost my last connection to life that I had.  No one understands how it feels to really be alone in life.  It hurts so much.  My mom was 94 and I know my cousins feel that she lived a long life and I should be happy about that.  Well, I am happy that she lived foir 94 years but I still hurt deeply because she is gone from my life.  I keep on asking God & her to come to me to let me know that she's ok and in a better place but so far--nothing!!!!  I miss her so so much!!!

Comment by Karen on August 6, 2013 at 4:50pm

Still struggling w/Daddy's passing & now mom's 94 & still in Gulfshore where she'll be until she passes too.  I haven't heard anything from this site in maybe even a year or so - wow, sad...

Comment by Kate Bugs on July 22, 2013 at 10:33am

Hello Shannon and Lil, I too, lost my mom unexpectedly and very recently.  She was a spunky little spit fire who had the largest heart and loved everyone she met.  She was a petite person, only 59 and the last person you'd expect this to happen too.  A few weeks ago, on July 1st, she had a massive heart attack that killed the whole front of her heart.  It sent her into cardiac arrest and after probably 30 minutes of CPR and an AED, her heart finally began to beat again. The problem was the CPR wasn't enough to get proper oxygen to her brain and she sustained massive brain damage.  On July 10th, she passed away and I've never imagined I could experience this much pain.  (as a side note, three weeks prior to her passing, my grandfather - her father - passed away as well).  I find myself turning inside myself, so that I can be strong for everyone around me.  I don't want to cry when I know my brothers and stepfather are sad, because I don't want to add to their pain and suffering.  I don't want to cry when I'm alone or with my husband, because I'm afraid I won't stop.  I feel so alone, yet I have so many people around me who want to support and love me.  I know I have to deal with this, but I don't know how.  I recently moved to a new city/state and searching for a new doctor is hard.  I'm doing it, but it's not the same as talking to someone you've already built a rapport with.  If I could offer any advice, Shannon (and remember, I'm new to this awful experience) it's that you need to go get help.  Find a therapist who you can connect with.  Find someone who isn't involved in the pain you're in, so that they can be there completely for you.  You need to deal, and if you feel like you're going to explode, then you need to do this soon.  I get that the pain will 'get easier with time' and all that stuff everyone likes to say, but this is so real for you right now.  You have to take care of yourself.  You have to for you and for your children.  Much love to you.  


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