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loss of a parent

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Time is not healing loss of my best friend, my mum

Started by Lynda Baron. Last reply by Louise Hayes Jun 21, 2018. 9 Replies

My Story

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Family secrets cloud the grief

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Comment by Karen Blanks on August 2, 2012 at 10:14am

Yes Theresa LaSalle we are very Lucky.....My Mom were 74 when she passed last year.

Comment by Theresa LaSalle on August 2, 2012 at 9:59am

Karen...Thanks for your story. My mom Vicky was such a strong woman too...Aren't we lucky..

Theresa

Comment by Karen Blanks on August 2, 2012 at 9:55am
I want to tell a little story about my Mom and Lung cancer, When She was told she had Lung cancer she never asked any questions, when she was told that the treatment wasn't helping and the Doctor were putting her with Hospice the DR asked do you have any question and she said no, then I said I have one and before I could get it out the Dr said if your Mom not asking it then You don't ask it. So when Her friends and Family would come by they would ask her was she finish with your treatments and She would say yes not saying it wasn't help me. She had control of the disease it didn't control her so she just had this Calm Spirit, She made people cry just by talking to her and watching her take control of the Lung Cancer, Oct 9 2011 I went by to see her and she was telling me to wash her but she wasn't sounding clear so I kept say Mom what U want and she said my finger nails so I looked at them and they needed washing so I gave a complete bed bath and made her cpmfortable. Then at 11:59 she took her last breathe and went to be with te Her Heavenily Father. She had control of this Deadly Disease until the End. She taught a lot of people to never give in to nothing that was meant for You. She was a strong women.. Miss her every day
Comment by Theresa LaSalle on August 2, 2012 at 6:25am

Dear Sue,

My mom Vicky passed away on December 24, 2010....She was 88...yes, we were so lucky to have them so long....I still can't grasp she is  not here....

Be good to yourself.

Theresa

Comment by Angela on August 1, 2012 at 6:53am
Georgeanne,
I am sorry for your loss! I lost my mom in April of 2009.
I am the youngest of 3, mom and I were close! She moved in with
Me and my husband 6 months prior to her death.
Comment by Sandra Champlain on July 31, 2012 at 8:55pm

Georgeanne, I know your pain. Haven't spoken with my siblings in 2 years. I created a website about grief, created a free audio that's now been heard worldwide and now have a book that will be in bookstores this fall. I help people through grief and back into life. Its all free info.

None of it could have happened without the terribly painful stuff I experienced. Here's a video of me talking about it: http://nextgreatestspeaker.com/profile.cfm?aid=113 OR just get the download @ survivegrief.com

Sending a hug and let me know if I can help you in some way. I'm a good listener as are many here on this site

Comment by Mary Ellen McCar on July 31, 2012 at 7:49pm

Georganne,

My mother died four years ago... I took care of her the last four years of her life. I was the youngest daughter and it seemed to all fall on me. I do have two sisters. One was helpful the other was not.

Its very hard to not miss her. The reality is very hard to live with. Cling to any joy in your life ... I am lucky I have adult children and four beautiful granddaughters to focus on. Please email me anytime you need to talk . I have been there and am still living with a heavy heart.

Mary Ellen    marymc2452@yahoo.com

Comment by Theresa LaSalle on July 31, 2012 at 5:01pm

Georganne,

Theresa here...you can read stuff by me with regard to all my guilt...

mom died while I was getting a manicure and cleaning my house...I long for her.

My sister Annie died in 2005...so I do not have any siblings left...so can't relate equally...I can only imagine how you feel...but the one thing I know for sure..yes, she wouldn't want you to feel guilty...as I'm a mom and would never want my sons to feel guilty...so I try to remember that when I feel guilty about not being there for mom...our stories are not similar at all...but I get the grieving everyday.

What I started is a get together every three months with my cousins..(we were close when we were little than lost touch). So I do this every three months...with my three cousins ...whose dads were my dad's brothers...they miss their dads/my dad/my mother, etc.etc.


we do have fun and sadness and we tell each other stories about all of them and us growing up...we learn new things each time we get together..things we never knew about our own parents, and each others...some funny stuff and touching stuff...perhaps reach out to cousins... (we take turns every three months at someone else's house).  My mom, Vicky loved life and it seems your mom did too..We can't dishonor them by turning our back on life...and feeling guilty...As my mom Vicky said, Be strong (she said that meaning when she dies.)...Also, use your mom's name a lot..There is a great

Egyptian saying: "When you say the name of the dead, you give them life again." 

Georgeanne, be good to yourself. Theresa

Comment by Brenda Rose on July 31, 2012 at 3:17pm

I lost my nephew on July 20 2011,sucide, discharged from the Army in March 2011, On Dec 12 2011 I lost my dad to an infection, on July 12 2012 I lost my favorite uncle to brain cancer,I get started griefing for one person and someone else passes away,how do I copr with all of this? I am trying to be strong for my mom,but it's getting harder to do. I really miss my dad, his b-day is coming Aug 31. Mine is the 28th he always called me first thing in the morning on that day. gotta go thanks for reading this.

Comment by Angie on July 31, 2012 at 10:21am

I found this site shortly after my beautiful mother died in February of 2010.  I was already back at work, numb and stumbling through each day, crying in my car on the drive home. 

I read the posts below and recognize the guilt, denial, anger and pain of losing a mother.  While time makes it a little easier, I have decided the loss doesn't ever completely heal; it is the dull ache I will carry in my heart for the rest of my life. 

Grief is such a lonely journey.  NO ONE will grieve the same way you do.  Allowing yourself the freedom to feel how you feel without any expectations is the best way to survive.  Anyone who loves you should recognize that you are going to feel and be different for a long time, probably much longer than they believe you should. In some ways, you will never be the same.  But life will get better again. 

Grief is like a big dark pool of pain that you have to cross to find peace on the other side.  Don't try to go around it, or get someone else to carry you through it....just wade in!  Some days you will feel like you might drown. You won't...just surrender to the tears, take a deep breath and go on.

I miss my mom every day.  I try to honor her memory by living my dreams.  It is what she wanted for me and I believe everyone who posts here has a mother or father who wanted the same for them.

Keep writing.  We are the people who share and truly understand your words and what you are experiencing.  You are not alone....

 

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