LOSS OF A SIBLING SUPPORT GROUP

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LOSS OF A SIBLING  SUPPORT  GROUP

A place for people who are going through loss to support one another .

Members: 587
Latest Activity: on Friday

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Sister killed in tragic freak accident

Started by Darlene kase. Last reply by Jessica Jul 23. 6 Replies

39-year-old brother drowned

Started by April. Last reply by Mary Anne Hines Jul 23. 13 Replies

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Comment by Karen Liller on Friday

Hi Danielle-

My heart goes out to you during this difficult time.  I have not marked the first anniversary of my sister Lisa's passing-that will be November 7th.  I am dreading that day as it is just so hard for me to believe it has already been as long as it has.  Everyday I write a letter to Lisa about what is going on with the family and in our lives.  I talk to her in the letter as if she were here and we were on the phone or texting.  I still cannot believe she is not here.  Reality forces us to go on but inside I am sure you, like me, has been forever changed.  I think we just need to hang on each day and pray for those of us remaining on this side of heaven.  I will be thinking about you on the 22nd and praying that you get through the day remembering the wonderful times you had with your sister and the joy she brought to this world.

Best,

Karen Liller

Comment by LaurenS on August 12, 2014 at 8:12am

Danielle-

I know the strength it takes for you to hold yourself together-because I feel the same way.  I feel like on the outside I seem perfectly normal and no one can possible understand the pain that is "swimming around inside."  I think you described that perfectly because I understand completely.  Today marks 10 months since my brother was murdered.  Coming up on this horrible "anniversary" I still can't even believe and accept it some days.  I still think there is no way that he is dead and I am here.  I feel he was cheated just like your sister was- in the prime of their lives.  I have flashbacks of little bits and pieces of the day he died and the days following- my mom's phone call, the gathering of our family, my other brother's and my total devastation.  Most times I have to block it out by switching my thoughts to something else or busying myself with something.  I can't believe it has been 10 months- and I am sure you can't believe it's almost a year.  I don't have any advice for you about getting through the year milestones since I have not had to do it yet, but I do want to say that you will get through them somehow.  We don't want to and we dread it but the days will come and go and you will have the strength to do it.  And just know that there are other people thinking of you and your family as they go through it also.  I will be thinking of you, your family and your sister on August 22nd and feel free to write me anytime if you need to say anything.

Comment by Danielle McEwen on July 22, 2014 at 12:49pm

Today marks 11 months since my sister was taken from us. It is so hard to believe that it has almost been a year since I have talked to her or heard her laugh. I cannot help but think about where she would have been now had she not died. She would have been coming up on her 1 year wedding anniversary in a week and a half and I know she had been thinking about having children so maybe she would have been on her way. I feel so cheated and I feel as though she were cheated out of her life. I feel as though the person responsible for her death has stolen my family's future. I wish that it had never happened and I would give anything for one more day with my sister. The next month is going to be so hard with the last of the "first year" milestones. My dad's birthday on August 2 and then then her wedding anniversary on August 3, the day after. Last year my dad's birthday present was giving his daughter away to the man of her dreams, and this year, it is grieving that daughters death. And finally....August 22, the one year mark. It fills me with dread just thinking about it. I just wish that that day did not exist so that I did not have to remember what happened and how I found out, and the look on my dad's face when he told me, and the sound of my mother weeping and the image of my dad breaking down and the faces of my grandparents who looked lost and unsure of everything around them...and of her husband of 19 days, looking so lost and broken. These are the images that swim through my head one a day to day basis and no one really knows the strength it takes to hold myself together some days, especially in the days leading up to the anniversay of her death. I guess all I can do it pray for strength and hope that myself and my family get through the next month with as much grace and dignity as possible.

Comment by Stephanie DaMota on July 17, 2014 at 10:46am
Laurie....regardless of what kind of relationship you had with your brother....he was still your big bother. I too, lost my older only sibling & after I lost my big sister I felt so alone. Now all I have left are my mom & dad & once they're gone I'll be all alone. And when something goes wrong with them or something with their health....I feel like its all on my shoulders too. You'll miss him because hes your big bother and you love him. As a younger sibling I think we take losing an older sibling because as a younger we always think and feel that our big brother/sister will always be there for us.....to give advice, to listen, to help, to annoy us etc like big brothers/sisters are suppose to do. Your loss is recent so the pain is completely agonizing...but trust me in time the pain will fade. Things will get better & your strong. You proved that by joining. I didn't join til 11yrs after I lost my sister. Know that you are not alone, you've come 2 the right place where people truly know & understand your loss, your sadness, what your going through & how you're feeling. If you ever need to talk we're all are here for you.
Comment by Laurie Slicer on July 14, 2014 at 12:31pm
I am new here. We buried my brother last Friday. He was 65 years old and died after an out patient surgery put him in a coma.
We had a complicated relationship, but now I feel incredibly alone. It was just the two of us and our 100 year old mother. It's all on my shoulders.

That's only one reason I'll miss him. He was my big brother and I loved him. I hate this. I really hate this.
Comment by Stephanie DaMota on July 13, 2014 at 6:54pm
I completely understand the being a different person from when she alive. I feel the person I used 2 know died with my sister. Ive had people tell me they miss the old stephanie but that stephanie is gone & just like my sister is never coming back. It took me years to join a support group. I made some wrong decisions when dealing to my sisters death. I turned to drugs & for awhile it made me normal, it took away the pain,sadness & loneliness.....but before I knew it I needed more & more drugs to get me through the day until I realized that when the drugs wore off the pain sadness & heartache was still there. I quit drugs got clean graduated college with 2 degrees & was valedictorian of my graduating class. I did it for me but making her proud of me is what truly motivated me. Its such a relief to finally have someone who get understands & know the pain, sadness,loneliness & struggle ive been dealing with for over 10years since I lost my sister
Comment by Meghan on July 13, 2014 at 6:03pm
It is a comfort talking to someone who really does understand. I felt like I joined a club I never wanted to be a member of when I lost beck. Not only do you lose your sister- you lose your sense of identity too. You go from being a sibling to being an only child.
Beck didn't get the chance to have children and I've been trying to conceive for 7yrs. My husband comes from a large family who have never experienced tragedy, they try to understand but they just can't.
I feel like my family is getting smaller as his gets larger. Our marriage has come so close to ending as I am a different person now to who I was with my sister in my life.
Comment by Stephanie DaMota on July 13, 2014 at 5:46pm
Meghan its so comforting to know that there is someone out there who understands my lost, pain, sadness & the longing to have my sister back. Its been 10yrs & it still hurts like it was yesterday. I miss her more & more everyday.how i wish I can hear her voice, her laugh, see her smile, hug her just 1 more time. I have this recording of her on tape that I constantly play back over & over again just to hear voice....the tape is almost warped due to playing it so much. No one can or ever will replace my sister. I think about her & miss her terribly everyday. Thank u meghan for sharing with me, for your suppost & kind words
Comment by Meghan on July 13, 2014 at 5:33pm
Oh Stephanie, your words touch my heart. My gorgeous little sister would too be turning 35 next month if she was here with me.
It's been just over 2yrs since mum and I lost her and I totally understand that feeling of being alone and the massive whole that's in my life without her.
No one can ever replace the part your sister played in your life and no one can understand unless they too have suffered such a loss.
I miss her humour, her love, her unwavering support and her smile. And I miss being her big sister.
I recently lodged a formal complaint against her doctor ( she died because of the combination of medications he prescribed her) and I feel like I've done my last act as her big sis. Sadly comforting.......
I try to live my life for her now so she can experience thru me what she's missed but I'd give anything to have her back.
Xxxx
Comment by Stephanie DaMota on July 13, 2014 at 4:07pm
Thank you karen for your kind words & support. I really appreciate it....with so much grief of losing a loved one my faith gets blinded but I know deep down that she is not suffering, no longer in pain & with god watching over me & my family.....I know she fought her entire life especially towards the end & shes not suffering anymore but it doesn't erase the pain of her being gone.
 

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