LOSS OF A SIBLING SUPPORT GROUP

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LOSS OF A SIBLING  SUPPORT  GROUP

A place for people who are going through loss to support one another .

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39-year-old brother drowned

Started by April. Last reply by April 19 hours ago. 21 Replies

Cancer again

Started by Jeri Lynn Whitmore Sep 24. 0 Replies

First Holidays

Started by Robbin R. McManus. Last reply by Kimberly Sep 20. 3 Replies

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Comment by Wendy35 yesterday

I lost my brother, 5 years ago this December.  His widow is getting remarried next year, and I don't know how I feel about it.  They were only married 1 year when my brother passed away.  They found each other on eHarmony.com and "clicked" right away he used to say.  She is a nice person, but I still don't know her that well.  In the 5 years since he has passed, I have tried to be supportive, but I always worried that I would say the wrong thing, or offend her in some way.  So, I feel like I lost not only my brother, but a sister-in-law that I never had the chance to know. I also feel like she resents me in some way.  Issues arose with my father receiving a life insurance payment from a policy my brother had years before he got married.  My father spent the money instead of sending it to my brother's widow.  Apparently he assured her that my father would "do right by him" if anything happened to him and send her the check.  All of my brother's other insurance policies/pension/401K went to his widow, somehow this one policy he forgot to change beneficiaries.  I feel like I did not fight to do "the right thing".  My father is notoriously unskilled in handling money, and in the 10 years since our mother died, he has made progress.  However, he will spend money at a drop of a hat still.  Long story short, I am at loss how to handle this...ugh.

Comment by Lisa Palm on September 14, 2014 at 12:57pm
Lost my sister May 6th, 2002. I sat by her bedside holding her hand as she lost her battle with cancer at age 44. I miss her every second of every day. My brother overdosed in 2011. He lived. But he is not the same and can no longer take care of himself. Lost my Dad Christmas Eve 1995, and my Mom April 4th, 2013. I have never felt so alone in my life. The heaviness in my heart is indescribable. People say it gets easier. How can it get better when I keep losing everyone I love? I am not suicidal but most days I just wish God would take me home...
Comment by Amy Wilson on September 14, 2014 at 11:38am
To everybody I am so sorry for your loss. We lost Billy July 4th of this year. Just got back from vacation. Thinking about him 24/7.Not saying I didn't think about Billy. I talked with him often. I was putting a picture of him on the matle.I just broke down. This is the first time I felt he is gone. I felt half of my body is gone. I never felt that way with my parents. With my mother my heart felt the majority of the pain. Thinking for listening. This feels good just to share my feelings.
Comment by Amy Wilson on September 14, 2014 at 11:25am
I feel a need to help the next kid who is struggling with addition. It's something in my heart to share my experience with Billy. I do not want anybody else to suffer alone. Thanks for listening.
Comment by Karen Liller on September 11, 2014 at 12:27pm

Hi Valerie and Renee-

I am sorry for your losses.  It is such a painful process.  My sister Lisa, also young at age 49, passed away on November 7, 2013 from cancer-on September 7th it was 10 months.   We were there when she passed.  This has been the most trying time of my life.  Having close relationships with siblings is so wonderful when everyone is fine but when something happens, it is awful.  I know you miss your loved ones everyday and I think we should.  We all have to survive and go on but always with good thoughts and those precious memories of those we have loved and lost in this world.

Take care and God Bless,

Karen

Comment by Renee P on September 11, 2014 at 10:50am

First and foremost, I'm sorry for everyone who has lost a loved one. I don't think anyone ever realizes the horrible pain one feels until you have lost one of your own.

I lost my younger brother Feb 17 2014.  It's been almost 7 months and I'm still in shock. I hadn't come to grips that he's gone. I know he's gone, I saw him but yet my mind tries to fool me and make me think, nah he's stlll alive. I have his Urn here with me and his picture and red sox shirt in a memory box. It just doesn't seem real that is all I have left of my brother. 

He was 34, athletic, and always took care of himself. We used to joke he was the only one in shape in the family. He didn't do drugs or drink in excess.  We had still not found out his cause of death as of yet, the coroners are still working on diagnosis. No drugs/alcohol in his system, nothing out of the ordinary.  I think this is the hardest part, not knowing why my healthy brother was taken from us. They expect a heart defect that wasn't detected while living. 

We received the call I never expected ever in my life. My grandmother and mother were visiting when we received the call. My uncle who usually is cheerful was very cold and asked to speak to my mom. I handed off the phone to her and minutes later see her sink to the ground saying "What? What? OMG OMG not my Richie" I thought he was in an accident or something, when I asked her what happened, she said He's gone Renee, he's dead. I remember feeling the worst pain I had ever felt in my life and just screaming Noooooooooo. Next panic set in because we were in FL and MA is home. Flights couldn't get us here soon enough and with so many of us we just decided to drive. We drove straight thru and got there the next day. 

That was the worst week of our lives. Instead of it feeling like home as it used to, it felt cold, lonely and horrible. First thing we did was get in touch with a funeral home to get him home because they had done an autopsy and was still being held. We were informed that we may be dealing with a closed casket as my brother had been dead for about 1-2 days before finding him and were unsure how his body looked.  We had to wait 2 days until he was released and we got to see him. He looked perfect to our surprise. He looked peaceful and as he was sleeping. The time was just passing fast and we knew our time with him was coming to an end. Only getting to spend time with your loved one for just 3 days before saying goodbye forever on this earth is horrible. I see why they used to wake people in their homes to spend time with them.  We had our private time with him, then the wake and then his mass. As beautiful as his services were is was heartbreaking. Seeing all our family and friends all crying and in disbelief. It felt like a blur, we were all in shock. He looked perfect and yet had no idea the cause of death. We laid him to rest having no idea what happened and why my 34 year brother was taken from us. 

(Back Story of his passing) My youngest brother called him the night he passed to tell him that his girl was expecting. Rich told him how happy he was for him and that he'd call him in the morning because he was tired and just not feeling right, thought he was coming down with a cold or something. He was just going to finish his book and go to bed.   My brother lived with our cousin. They didn't connect for that amount of time because of their work schedules and working opposite shifts. My cousin came home and noticed my brother's truck in the driveway he went in and jumped on him jokingly to wake him up only to find him stiff and cold. He started doing CPR and called 911 but it was too late.  It was awful. The coroner was called and told my cousin he died peacefully in his sleep as he was in bed, eyes closed with his book next to him.  

Comment by Valerie on September 11, 2014 at 8:37am

To all those who have lost a sibling, know you are not alone. It has been 7 years this past Sept. 8th that my brother died of a brain hemorrhage. Unfortunately, he lived alone and I and my only other sibling found him late the evening of Sept. 6th. It took my brother a little over 2 days before he passed away. There is nothing worse in my book then sitting in a hospital room and watching a monitor and waiting, hardly any words spoken, the silence is overwhelming except for hearing that damnable monitor. After these past 7 years, I still miss my brother. And it has also been 13 years next month that I lost my mother. How do you ever stop missing those you love? My husband never thinks about the loss of his mother and brother and seems to just go on as if nothing ever happened to them. My heart aches for each one of you who are feeling the same thing as myself. How I wish there were a way that would make what we feel easier. May God bless each one of you and grant you peace. I don't think it's wrong to remember those we've lost and loved but I think it's important to remember the good times, and not dwell so much on the bad.

Comment by Amy Wilson on September 5, 2014 at 8:24am
Hi Everyone, I lost my little brother July 4,2014. I have done some things in memory of him. He had a accidental overdose on herion. I am grieving the past I had with him as a little baby,present of what we didn't have thru his addition, and every time I do something or see someone I thinking that he will never get to experience what we all deserve. I also am grieving over what we could have had and miss him very much. Every time it rains I feel this dark cloud over me and think about him 24/7. I know this to shall pass.I think loading a sibling is very underated. I do know now Billy is at peace.
Comment by Karen Liller on September 2, 2014 at 3:13pm

Thank you Robbin and to Cheryl-please know that I am sure all will be thinking of you during this difficult time.  For a while after my sister passed, I could not believe she was not here-I thought of her on an extended trip or something.  But I knew then as I knew now I will see her again and I continue to write her a letter everyday.  I feel that keeps us in touch.  And while I know I will not see her as she was on earth again, there is always tomorrow in heaven.

Take care,

Karen

Comment by Robbin R. McManus on September 1, 2014 at 10:33pm

Thank you Karen and Danielle for your kind words. It is encouraging to be here with others who are grieving too.

 

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