Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
A place for people who are going through loss to support one another .
Latest Conversations: yesterday
Started by elyse. Last reply by Melinda CANDACE Guinn Sep 13.
Started by Jamie Ann. Last reply by Mark Anderson Jun 29.
Started by ALEXANDRA. Last reply by Hope lowe Mar 24.
Today marks the second year since my brother Doug has passed. He was only 54 yrs old. He and his wife have a daughter in college. She's going to be a doctor. I have three small pics right here on my desk, then an 8 X10 right here so I can look up at him easily. I replay his voice in my head.I have a pic on the wall with him holding his Les Paul bass. His daughter told me Doug's playing with John Lennon up in Heaven. I know he is! My daughter Candace, who passed less than two months after she turned 30, on 4/09/10, is rockin' with him! I miss them both SO VERY much!!! My Dougie passed from PHT. We WILL be reunited!
Dear Jamie Anne:
I too lost my brother, but to cancer. Your sense of loss must be overwhelming. I can't begin to imagine what you are going through, but, all I would say is . . . be kind to yourself. it was his choice & not your's
Lorraine Bruesch, I know it's hard not to blame yourself. It is not your fault. The pain is so strong when you lose a love one so suddenly and so young. My brother was 21 when he took his life 4years ago this coming may. I went through every emotion in the book and still do. You want answers, you want the pain to stop, your mad at god, your mad at the world. Please stay strong, be there for your family. You have this group or even reach out to me if you ever need to talk. -
I lost my sister last month to a drug overdose. She was diagnosed 3 years ago with bipolar, depression, and anxiety disorder. She would not take her medications, and fell into the self medicating hole. I suppose her pain and suffering was to great and her soul was to tired to go on, and she took a fatal dose of heroin. She was only 34 years old. I've never felt a pain like this before, my heart is crushed. I feel physical pain everyday, like chest pain every time she comes to mind. I feel like I'm in a fog and lost. I don't know what to do with myself or even how to move forward from here? When she started doing heroin she stole my identity and I decided for my children and I's safety and well being that it was better to distance ourselves from her. The last time we spoke she said that she hated me and that I was the worst sister in the world. Now that she's gone I'm filled with overwhelming regret. I don't know how I can ever forgive myself.......
I lost my little bro Doug. I called him Dougie when we were kids. I could always count on him for anything. It's ironic that he passed from PHT, Pulmonary Hypertension and he's s Respiratory Therapist. HIS JOB WAS TREATING PEOPLE WITH BREATHING PROBLEMS and he COULDN'T breath!! They'll probably find out it's contagious and you should wear a mask or be inoculated! I'm guessing. Too late for My Dougie!!!
Autumn I am sorry to hear of such a tragedy for you. I am sorry for your loss. One day at a time. Its been 3.5 years for me since I lost my brother suddenly and its still a daily hard road at times. There is no time heals everything when this is the subject. You learn to go through it and you cannot go around it. Sometimes we yearn for life to make sense and it wont. Surround yourself with love and let light in as much as you can. Each event has a lesson and I find it impossible to see that fully still. Reach out. Happy thanksgivng
First, I am very sorry for your devastating loss. When someone says the word devastating- that is exactly what it is. It levels everything. You will not ever be the same. You will become a new person, with new and deeper perspective, with a brand new dimension to every relationship you have now and will ever have. Nothing any one single person can say will make what happened to your world back to normal after what happened to your sister. It is a process. A great, monumental process.
I lost my brother to a tragic accident 2 1/2 years ago and at ten months, I only barely began to fathom the true depth of my loss. Losing your twin sister in such a way is far more complicated. I can only tell you a little of my process and while it is not the same, the particulars may help you in at least appreciating the enormity what you are going to have to go through even when the people around you don't and can't possibly understand.
My brother's accident was a big news story. The news and the publicity opens up a whole different level of hurt. People comment, people are stupid and thoughtless. People think they know everything because they read one picture caption or watch a 45 sec news clip. People feel, out of true compassion or plain nosiness, that you may welcome their input while others pretend nothing happened because they are afraid they will hurt you.
I can tell you that I found it far easier to open up and talk about the deepest part of my grief to complete strangers rather than my own loving family- a combination of not wanting to burden them with more pain and a sense that sharing my personal loss downgraded their personal pain. One family member seemed to make it a competition of grief.
I can tell you that I went to work and on purpose froze all personal emotion so that I could make it through but at the end of the day, I would drive home so tired I was almost crying and I would just curl up on the couch and watch Netflix. At night, I ached in pain from the inside out and cried for hours.
I can tell you the idea of anything that was different from my daily routine, like a flat tire or unscheduled meeting, put me into fits of anger or a spasm of anxiety and exhaustion that could last for days.
About 2 years later I finally recognized a pattern to my grief cycle. Days of extreme irritability, extreme anger, intense disinterest in anything, grief breath-( this weird pressure that seems to cinch my chest and keeps me from getting enough air), and sleeplessness followed by days of just sobbing deeply whenever I was alone.
Trying to put in words how I felt at any one particular time just defeated me. Putting words to your deepest grief, the loss of day to day moments and conversations you miss with your loved one, makes it seem so mundane and matter of fact. I hate how trivial the pain comes across. On the other hand, now that I have had a space of time to absorb all this, when someone shares their grief with me, they do not have to use good words. I get it. I don't need a description of their pain to know how awful they must feel and how overwhelming and painful it must be.
Your own grief will manifest itself in so many different ways you won't be able to keep up. 10 months is barely a blip of time. I should think you have barely begun to process all of the impact emotionally, physically, and mentally. The dynamics of losing your twin sister have only just begun to sort themselves out. Add that to an act of violence and I can only imagine the desperation, the frenetic emotions, the mood swings. It will take time to see these things come up and learn how to adjust or respond. You have a right to take all the time you need to heal.
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