Hello, it's been almost 3 yrs since my brother left us. It has been EXTREMELY difficult for my mother, so much so that we had to hold off on cleaning out his bedroom. I was finally able to convince her to let me start but I had to stop because it became to overwhelming for her. My siblings & I know that because his things are still in the house it's proving difficult for her to move forward however we don't want to seem insensitive to her pain of losing a child. Does anyone have any suggestions on how we can assist our mother with moving forward without causing too much more pain? Any help will be greatly appreciated. We love our mother so much but its as if her life stopped when my brother left and with the constant reminders surrounding her, it's making it more difficult to go on living. It's also a sensitive time because his birthday is the 17th of this month. Thanks again.
#MissingMyBrother :-(

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Hi Rochelle:

It has only been 17 months since my beautiful sister Lisa passed and my Mom, also, like all of us has really struggled.  Healing time is so different for everyone.  I believe that when a loved one passes things are never the same-time in a way time does stop.  With my Mom, we have tried to carve out new times for the fun things we all did together such as going shopping. to lunch, to the movies and do them remembering how happy Lisa was.  Also she spends time at Lisa's resting place and then gives her great peace.  Our faith says we will see Lisa again and we do rejoice in that and I believe this has helped.  

I know that things remaining in the home can make the situation very hard.  To this day I cannot go into Lisa's house because of the memories-nor can my Mom.  I think you are right that when your Mom is ready to allow some things to be removed it might make things better.  Perhaps you could see if she would interested in donating some items to the less fortunate? Helping others often helps bring peace.   But always keep back your keepsakes.  I am wearing a ring Lisa loved and cherished and every time I look at it I see her and smile.

I have heard that seeing a counselor has helped people get through these difficult times.  My experience with this when my Dad passed was not positive, however.  I felt as though the counselor wanted me to rush through my grief.  That I could not do.  However, for your Mom, a good counselor might help if she is interested.

I am sorry for your loss and know that I truly feel your pain-both for your brother and your Mom.

Best,

Karen

Thanks so much Karen for responding. I really appreciate it. And thank you for your suggestions. My mom is my heart and it pains me to see her in so much pain.

So sorry to for your loss. May God continue to comfort you and your family.



Karen Liller said:

Hi Rochelle:

It has only been 17 months since my beautiful sister Lisa passed and my Mom, also, like all of us has really struggled.  Healing time is so different for everyone.  I believe that when a loved one passes things are never the same-time in a way time does stop.  With my Mom, we have tried to carve out new times for the fun things we all did together such as going shopping. to lunch, to the movies and do them remembering how happy Lisa was.  Also she spends time at Lisa's resting place and then gives her great peace.  Our faith says we will see Lisa again and we do rejoice in that and I believe this has helped.  

I know that things remaining in the home can make the situation very hard.  To this day I cannot go into Lisa's house because of the memories-nor can my Mom.  I think you are right that when your Mom is ready to allow some things to be removed it might make things better.  Perhaps you could see if she would interested in donating some items to the less fortunate? Helping others often helps bring peace.   But always keep back your keepsakes.  I am wearing a ring Lisa loved and cherished and every time I look at it I see her and smile.

I have heard that seeing a counselor has helped people get through these difficult times.  My experience with this when my Dad passed was not positive, however.  I felt as though the counselor wanted me to rush through my grief.  That I could not do.  However, for your Mom, a good counselor might help if she is interested.

I am sorry for your loss and know that I truly feel your pain-both for your brother and your Mom.

Best,

Karen

Hello Rochelle,Sorry for your loss.I too have lost my brother,my only sibling May 2014.He was found in the lake,he had drowned.So many unanswered questions still linger in my mind,not sure when or if I find peace.It seems to consume me at times.As far as your mom moving forward,I can only say that my mom says when she's feeling sad,she thinks of happy memories.As far as me,I just feel sad.There is a wonderful group called " The Compassionate Friends" for Parents,Grandparents and Siblings and hold meetings monthly throughout the States.I think you,your mother would benefit by attending a meeting.I go with my mother,though I don't say much,due to the fact were together and I tend to keep my feelings in.So,I've come to this site and finally able to share my feelings though I haven't posted much.elyse

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