I'm sorry for your loss, and you have no answers or reasons for the unthinkable for the loss of your brother.
My Mom choose to leave us, but I do know her reasons for her decision. It doesn't make the loss easier, but I do understand why. Losing her sight due to a stroke, was the loss of her independence, and so many things she treasured doing.
There are no ways to console you. Only time makes it a bit easier to bear. It will always hurt, but not on the hourly basis, that you are enduring right now. Every first in your life will tear you apart. For me it has been 16 years, but I feel it especially hard on the days we used to celebrate and enjoy being together.
My thoughts are with you, on this terribly difficult day.
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my beautiful sister Lisa on November 7th and every holiday without her seems so unreal. We were very close. She had neuroendocrine cancer and I really thought she would beat it and be healed. I do have my faith but I must admit it has been tested. The world seems off kilter to me. They say things get better but I think they just get more tolerable. I know Lisa would want me to reach out to others and help. I also know I too always seek to understand why but it takes so much energy it exhausts me-I think it might be better sometimes to use that energy to honor her memory.
I really hope you find peace and comfort.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my oldest sister this past October. It's been just over 6 months and I still struggle. I know what it's like to still be sitting here asking why? Though for different reasons. My sister went missing one night, and found in the river the next morning. Her tox screen showed drugs in her system. From the beginning they treated the situation like my sister was nothing. Just another addict. Even before the tox results. They believe she caused her own death. We know it's a possibility...drugs made her seizure disorder worse and she could get disoriented. But where they found her makes us question her getting there alone. She had her problems, but she was still somebody. Her case sits cold because there is no way to know exactly what happened that night.
We're all getting urn necklaces to carry a part of her with us. I have mine, I just have to send it to the funeral home. I look at pictures from when my sis was happy and healthy and I wonder, what happened? Losing a sibling is so difficult, and I hope we can all find some peace. I'm always open to talk to anyone who needs to. /hugs
I hope you find the answers you seek about your sister. Your family deserves to know what happened. I know that the medical and judicial systems seem to forget that every human being and their families need to be treated with compassion and respect.
I hope you find peace and the days ahead are not so difficult.
I am so sorry for your loss. I have sat on my brother's grave asking the same question. It's been 15 months for me, in some ways it feels like yesterday and in some ways it feels like an entire lifetime ago.
Unfortunately you will have to come to the same realization I did there will never be a good enough answer to the question of WHY. Sometimes I think I have it figured out, why he did what he did but other times I can't fathom what he was going through.
All I know is that I have to keep going for his son, my nephew who is only 2 1/2 yrs. old, I need to be able to teach him all about his father. So I keep pushing, I went to grief counseling and it helped, a lot. But the sadness is still there. Just not as deep or as consuming. I am able to function now. I can have fun, I can smile and laugh. That took awhile
I know my brother wouldn't want me to be sitting around crying, he would want me to continue to live, to live the life he wasn't able to have. I got diagnosed as bipolar and got meds something he probably should have done YEARS ago. It turns out I am the stronger one, I always thought it was him, but now I can't let him down, I promised him I would teach his son all about his favorite things, things his wife never knew. I won't break that promise.
Thank you Karen. We've accepted that we may never know. But how her case was handled was ridiculous. It was a small town and they just didn't care. My sister had her problems, but she was my big sis. She was the oldest, and the role she played in our lives....it's missing. I'm lucky to still have 7 living sisters. (half&step included) But there will always be a void.