My brother was almost 64 yrs. old when he fell and broke his hip. They did a hip replacement but he was never able to get out of bed at the rehab. center due to severe pain. He ended up with bed sores that would not heal, he got hep-c from the transfusion they gave him, he got c-diff from all the anti-biotics they gave him for the hip replacement, and he got pneumonia since he could not move. He died May 12th, 2014 at 10pm with my mom by his side singing to him. She was able to visit him every day because she lives right across the driveway from where he was.

He was very contagious so my mom advised me not to come.( Now she has a sore much like one he had and it is not responding well to treatment. ), My brother and I had not been close for many years but without him asking, in the end, I silently forgave him for what he had done. I also asked the Lord to accept him into Heaven. As far as I knew he had not asked the Lord into his heart.

I put him on my cell phone acct. and got a phone for him because in rehab., it is hard to get a phone with a charge in it to use. When he got it, he thanked me and said, what do I owe you. I said nothing. I have wanted to give you a gift for years and now I can and now you can accept it. We had shared minutes and never went over because he was usually too sleepy to talk.

He was in Hospice in the end. That is how I want to go but not in a nursing home. At the end, when he was in so much pain and crying out for my mom, they called her at home and said it would not be much longer. When my mom got there, they increased his Morphine drip and he slipped away as my mom sang to him.

His life ceremony was in NY state so I could not attend. His ashes were buried next to my dads. I pray he rests in peace now. God bless my older brother.

Thank you for reading.

Views: 136

Replies to This Discussion

Hello Robbin:

I pray God blesses you and your family and helps you continue to heal from this difficult loss.  Please take care.

Karen

Thank you Karen, I certainly appreciate your kind words.

Robbin

Hi Robbin, I saw your name on the chat and couldn't respond so I clicked on your name. Then I read your post about your older brother, your Mom and what had happened to your older brother. It was a very nice gesture that you made for your brother by giving him a cell phone. It must have made him feel good that you had the opportunity to connect with each other at a terrible time in his life. It's good that you were able to forgive him for whatever it was that he had done in the past.  I'd say he was at peace with all the kindness and love you showed him by your actions. The care and consideration in addition to the silent forgiveness from you and asking the Lord to accept him into Heaven is just beautiful. You can be at peace knowing you reached out and also prayed for your older brother.

If you want to connect just click on my name. I'm part of a few groups here.

Sincerely,

Barbara

  Hi Robbin,

     I am so sorry to hear about the tragic passing of your brother. Having watched both my mother and oldest brother pass away, it is something that is ingrained into my thoughts. When I am having a bad day, my thoughts always turn to them and all the losses I've had in my life and most of those have happened in September. Here's a list of who I've lost"

1. My grandfather, Sept. 5, 1961, I was nine.

2. My father-in-law Sept. 19, 1974

3. My father Sept. 2, 1987

4. My dog Pepper Sept. 20, 1997

5. My aunt Sept. 9, 2001

6. My brother-in-law Sept. 2, 2002

7. My oldest brother Sept. 8, 2007

I have my wedding anniversary on Sept. 1st and my birthday Sept. 15. I always dread this month, oh and my husband was diagnosed with heart failure Sept. 25, 2009. So I always say, "nothing good happens in September." It was on Oct. 4, 2001 that my mother passed away. We were never able to find out the true cause of her anemia as she needed blood transfusions weekly till they stopped helping. It says on her death certificate that the cause of death was renal failure but after a meeting with her doctor I believe that my mom had leukemia but with her being so weak we as a family made the decision to not put her through the bone marrow biopsy and even if we had done that and found out it was leukemia, my mom wouldn't have survived the treatment. My mom went into a coma and passed peacefully within a week.

   My brother had a brain hemorrhage but it took him 2 1/2 days before he passed. I thank God for my nursing back ground for as I sat in the ICU at St. Marks Hospital I sensed that my brother was in pain but he of course couldn't tell us. As a nurse came in to check on him, I mentioned to her that I felt my brother was in pain and was there some comfort measures we could give him. She said of course. We started my brother on a morphine drip and his body almost immediately relaxed and it was as if he were sleeping. He had a breathing tube for he had a large goiter which caused him to have breathing issues when he had to lay down and his O2 level was 50-52%. The day before he died, a doctor came in to tell us that there was nothing anyone could do and my brother's brain was swelling and soon would run out of room within his skull. Once that happened the only place the brain could go was down toward his brain stem and he would have been in terrible pain had it not been for the morphine. My only other sibling and I had to decide to sign a medical directive to withdraw the breathing tube and allow my brother to die. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, to sign away my brother's life. Amazing how much my brother held on, living another day without the extra help to breathe.

   I miss him everyday for we had so many things in common; love of music and eating great food; we'd go out for lunches or dinner often. We loved the same movies and could talk about anything and did. He was home bound and I have anxiety and can't drive so we'd get on the phone 3-4 times a week and talk for hours. Oh, how I miss those talks. We had always been close even when kids, so that's why it makes it so hard to have lost him. My only other sibling, a brother has never cared to be a part of my life, not ever. We live maybe 6 minutes apart but he never calls me, never comes over and I wouldn't feel welcome going to his home. So, I feel very alone in the world and have no family here, my two children live out of state and I don't see them very often. My son and his wife had a new baby in May so I have a new grandson who I've only seen in photos but hoping to take a trip to see them soon. I've never flown and I am very nervous about getting on a plane with strangers and being stuck on a plane really bothers me.

   Ok, I have talked your ear off so I hope you will forgive me. Thank you for your friendship request and I look forward to hearing more from you. Please know that God is always with you. I am a born again Christian so my faith is all I really have to cling to but who better to cling to then our Savior. He knows our struggles and he loves us. May you have a good day today and thank you too for your kind comment. You look like a wonderful lady and I love your dog. I love animals and have my little dog, Muffy. She keeps me going. God bless.

Valerie

RSS

Latest Conversations

Gary Travers left a comment for Gary Travers
18 hours ago
Gary Travers liked Gary Travers's profile
18 hours ago
Tony Przybyla posted a status
"site suggested by friend. my partner died in may after 42 years together. friends/ family supportive doesn't help with the deep loneliness"
19 hours ago
Barbara Moore left a comment for Barbara Moore
19 hours ago

Community Guidelines

Please be respectful of others. For more information, read our Community Guidelines.

Follow Legacy

© 2020   Created by Legacy.com.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service