I lost my brother a month ago this past Thursday.  He died as a result of complications due to a drug overdose.  His drug of choice was heroin.  Other than his friends, I was the first to know about his addiction.  I found out when he overdosed for the first time.   I agreed not to say anything to our parents if he promised to seek help and go to N.A. meetings.  He was fine for awhile but it all went downhill after he was caught stealing from our parents and grandfather.  For the longest time I felt guilty.  Maybe if I said something sooner this wouldn't have happened. Maybe he could've gotten help sooner.  Maybe he'd still be alive. Ok, maybe I still feel a little bit guilty.  Even through all of this, our parents treated him like the golden child, he could do no wrong.  Anytime I would make a suggestion on how to help him I was shot down.  Luckily I don't live with my parents. 

Adam's death has hit me hard.  He was not only my brother but my best friend.  While my parents have each other to lean on, I don't.  I'm expected to be the strong one while they grieve.  I can hold myself together when I'm at work but once I'm home and alone, I just feel overwhelmed and I can't stop crying.  It's been a month but I'm not feeling any better.  It's almost like I'm drowning.  I miss him so much that it hurts.  When do these feelings start to lessen?

My question is, why did he doe this to himself?  What was so bad in his life that he had to escape?  He was the one who everybody loved, the who could do no wrong.  I was the after thought, the outsider.  If i could survice without using drugs as an escape, why couldn't he?


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Replies to This Discussion

Oh Robbyn my heart breaks as yours does.
I lost my beautiful sister 22 months ago to prescription drugs. She was 32. She started on heroin at 16, methadone at 20 and from there the vicious cycle of prescription drug addiction continued until her death.
I too feel guilty, what more could I have done? If only I had insisted on rehab? Why did her doctor prescribe such a lethal mix of methadone, Xanax and Valium? The hardest thing is, she was actually doing really well when she passed away. She was seeing a drug counsellor and getting her life together.
I miss her every single day, she was my only sibling and life just isn't right without her. The only thought that helps is maybe now she's at peace and not in pain. Sometimes life is just too hard for someone. No matter how much you want them to be happy it's just not possible for them. Their demons are too strong.
Hang in there, it's only very early days for you. Grief doesn't get easier with time however it does soften slowly in its intensity.
Day by day, minute by minute. Let it out, don't hold it in. Xxx
Rybbyn, I'm so sorry. I also lost my brother to an overdose. He died on Oct 2, and it is still so hard every day. He was 44 and had been struggling with drugs since he was in his teens, mainly prescription drugs. He died of a combination of valium, xanax and heroin- which I think he traded some pills for that day. I know at least partly what you are going through. The guilt is awful but ai know that his demons were strongerthan I could ever understand. I know that he had been a victim of sexual abuse as a child ( by an uncle) and I think he just could never deal with the pain and shame he felt throughout his entire life so he hid from the pain by way of numbing it with drugs. I wish I could have been a better sister and somehow gotten through to him, and I miss him so much. I have a lot of anger because it is just so unfair. Boo was the kindest person and always thinking of someone else andbtheir feelings. All I can do now is hope that he is at peace finally and happy. The pain does lessen a little as the time passes, but it is such a slow process. Let me know if you ever want to talk, that does help. Take care


I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my brother, he died by suicide a mixture of prescription drugs and alcohol. I know how horrible I felt when he died, it was just a year Feb. 5th. He left behind a beautiful little boy and a wife who I am super close with. None of us really saw this coming. He had always been depressed as a teenager but when he met his wife it seemed like he was okay, no one ever really knows what goes on behind closed doors. We find out when it's to late .

I know for the first 6 months getting out of bed and going into work was an accomplishment. Then it got a little easier and then it got hard again. It was likes waves crashing over me, you never knew when they would hit and if it would be a big one or just a little swell.

The only thing I can say from my experience is the intense pain eases. The hurt in your heart lessens. You find a new normal, a way to get through your everyday and even a way to smile and laugh again.

You will probably never find the answers to why your brother did it, why he needed the drugs and you didn't. For some reason you were just a little bit stronger than you thought are.

thnak you for your responses


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