Hi first time posting on this site

I was 13 when I lost my sister (she was 16) (6 years ago almost 7) the day after thanksgiving when she was hit by a truck. I've been to multiple Therapists, been on most of the antidepressants and none of that helped so I started numbing my emotions by self medicating so I didn't have to show how much pain I was in to my family and friends. But that just brought a whole other layer of guilt to my conscience. As a consequence I lost a lot of what had made me me, therefore I lost a lot of what I remembered of my sister. Now I'm trying to make up for lost memories, but I still feel estranged from my mom and dad. I know that one day we will look back and remember her with little pain, but for me right now I feel like every minute I go without thinking of her I'm letting more disappear, but at the same time since I've been numb for so long any emotion I have is very strong. I'm not really writing this for an answer, because no one can answer the question of why the good die young, I'm writing this for me because there was a long period of time where my friends and family wouldn't brig her up at the risk of upsetting me so I never really voiced how I felt.

-MK

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Dear Mike,

There is nothing I can say to truly help, all I can do is read what you wrote and tell you I hear you. It is so hard not to be able to talk about your memories, to share the grief and good memories of what was so much a part of your life. Your sister will always be part of you, and as long as you live she will not die in your heart.

I lost my little sister in January, it is still so hard to believe she will not be in my home ever again. I miss her every second of every day. I look at what were all of her things, that now belong to no one. I know I have to move on with life, but........ I just wait for another day.

There is something so special about a sibling, they are supposed to be with us forever. Bring your thougths and memories back, hold tight to all of the special things that were part of both of you. To not think about her for moments is not wrong, neither you nor I thought about them every second while they lived. It is the fact that we know we can't redo so much of what was part of us, that makes those blank moments seem disloyal. It isn't, it is part of life, for those of us that are still here.

Do write, when you have those feeling of missing her so much. I have a special page on my computer where I write to her, just for her. It sometimes feels as if when I hit send, I am sending my love and thoughts of and about Eileen, out into space, and hope she sees the words. I know it is a foolish empty dream, but it helps me to be able to write to her, and not have to explain my feelings and thoughts to anyone else. Maybe it can help you too.

Thinking of you,

Gwen

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I am very sorry to hear about your sister. It must have been hard to lose her in such a tragic way at such a young age. I too have lost my sister, only about seven weeks ago. It's been very difficult and I fear too that I will forget things about her. I want to remember as much as I can, so that I can tell her four year old daughter about her. I am afraid that she will grow up having very few memories of her mom.

When I was at my sister's viewing a woman that had lost her son at age 17 was telling me that I should find a way to honor my sister's memory. Her son's friends had planted a tree with a plaque in his honor. Every year they go back to that sight and celebrate his life. They've been doing this for twenty five years.

I decided then that I was going to try to raise awareness and money by walking in a local cancer walk for the cancer that my sister died from. The woman that started the walk five years lost her mom to lung cancer. So far, she has raised $100,000 for the disease.  After meeting her, it's amazing to me that one person's loss could make such a difference in the lives of others.

Maybe you could find your own way to honor your sister's memory that might ease your pain and make you feel like you were making a difference. Maybe she had a favorite cause or loved to play soccer? You could volunteer your time and energy for something that she felt was important. Maybe you could even involve your parents in the process.

I know this is not going to bring your sister back, the same way it is not going to bring my sister back. I feel better though, at least knowing that I am going to be taking part in something that could benefit others. It makes me feel like I am doing something, because I felt so helpless during her illness.

Michael -- I am so very sorry that you lost your sister.  I really wish that I knew what to say to help you feel better.  {{{{Michael}}}}

 

Gwen -- I have a tablet where I write to my sister.  And I feel that somehow she is "listening".  This has helped me a lot...and I don't think it would have helped nearly as much if I felt like I was writing to myself.  Hugs to you too.  {{{{Gwen}}}}

Dear Christine,

Thank you for the hugs. You are so correct, I don't feel as if I am writing to me---I am sending my thoughts and love to Eileen. It is one small way to be able to comunicate with her, now that I can't wispher in her ear, I love you too. I have started to sort all of the items that belonged to her to donate them to those that desperatly need them.

What I didn't say was Eileen was a little 80 pound Downs Syndrome angel, and died from Alzheimers. Her toys and closets+ of clothing will be used by children that need so much. I know she would be happy watching someone use and enjoy ("joying", as she would have said) some pretty new clothes.

Eileen came to live wth us when our Mom died and we had 15 wonderful years of watching her change and emotionally grow. We then had to endure and watch her wither away to a shell of who, and what she had become. She was much more than my sister---she became my child as well. While she was always my baby girl because of the age difference, when she was just mine to care for she truly became my Precious Girl.

Again thank you for thoughts, I know how special your "tablet" for your sister is too.

Gwen

PS: There is a jpg at the bottom of my first post, that is a picture of my Special Angel, if you want to see her.

Shannon, I work for the Alzheimers asso. now and have planted pink rose bushes in one of our town parks, as well as our yard. She loved flowers, to watch them bloom into full beauty as we watche her do it, will be a true joy out of tragedy, and loss.

(((Shannon))) 
 
Shannon K. said:

I am very sorry to hear about your sister. It must have been hard to lose her in such a tragic way at such a young age. I too have lost my sister, only about seven weeks ago. It's been very difficult and I fear too that I will forget things about her. I want to remember as much as I can, so that I can tell her four year old daughter about her. I am afraid that she will grow up having very few memories of her mom.

When I was at my sister's viewing a woman that had lost her son at age 17 was telling me that I should find a way to honor my sister's memory. Her son's friends had planted a tree with a plaque in his honor. Every year they go back to that sight and celebrate his life. They've been doing this for twenty five years.

I decided then that I was going to try to raise awareness and money by walking in a local cancer walk for the cancer that my sister died from. The woman that started the walk five years lost her mom to lung cancer. So far, she has raised $100,000 for the disease.  After meeting her, it's amazing to me that one person's loss could make such a difference in the lives of others.

Maybe you could find your own way to honor your sister's memory that might ease your pain and make you feel like you were making a difference. Maybe she had a favorite cause or loved to play soccer? You could volunteer your time and energy for something that she felt was important. Maybe you could even involve your parents in the process.

I know this is not going to bring your sister back, the same way it is not going to bring my sister back. I feel better though, at least knowing that I am going to be taking part in something that could benefit others. It makes me feel like I am doing something, because I felt so helpless during her illness.

Gwen,

That's a wonderful way to remember your sister. I am sure that she would smile if she could see them and they will brighten other people's days for years to come. My sister also loved flowers, especially pink ones too. A few years ago we did a cancer walk and our team name was Team Pinkflower. 


 
Gwen Nesselle said:

Shannon, I work for the Alzheimers asso. now and have planted pink rose bushes in one of our town parks, as well as our yard. She loved flowers, to watch them bloom into full beauty as we watche her do it, will be a true joy out of tragedy, and loss.

(((Shannon))) 
 
Shannon K. said:

I am very sorry to hear about your sister. It must have been hard to lose her in such a tragic way at such a young age. I too have lost my sister, only about seven weeks ago. It's been very difficult and I fear too that I will forget things about her. I want to remember as much as I can, so that I can tell her four year old daughter about her. I am afraid that she will grow up having very few memories of her mom.

When I was at my sister's viewing a woman that had lost her son at age 17 was telling me that I should find a way to honor my sister's memory. Her son's friends had planted a tree with a plaque in his honor. Every year they go back to that sight and celebrate his life. They've been doing this for twenty five years.

I decided then that I was going to try to raise awareness and money by walking in a local cancer walk for the cancer that my sister died from. The woman that started the walk five years lost her mom to lung cancer. So far, she has raised $100,000 for the disease.  After meeting her, it's amazing to me that one person's loss could make such a difference in the lives of others.

Maybe you could find your own way to honor your sister's memory that might ease your pain and make you feel like you were making a difference. Maybe she had a favorite cause or loved to play soccer? You could volunteer your time and energy for something that she felt was important. Maybe you could even involve your parents in the process.

I know this is not going to bring your sister back, the same way it is not going to bring my sister back. I feel better though, at least knowing that I am going to be taking part in something that could benefit others. It makes me feel like I am doing something, because I felt so helpless during her illness.

Boy, Micheal. It sometimes seems so hard to know what to say to someone who is feeling so lousy. I remember those days of self-medicating. I remember how destructive it was not only to me, but also to everyone around me. It has been a good while since I was that self-destructive and my family knows the difference. What I have come to realize is sometimes rather than focusing on remembering our loved one we focus on the day we lost them. Consciously or unconsciously, instead of living in the memory of their life, everything we either do or think about them hinges on that day, that moment when we were told they gone. We have to move ourselves from that space we have created where only sorrow lives. Walk through an opening into a life where we are actually living. You can turn around and see the door opening to that other space as clear as day. Sometimes we might even step back into it, feel that pain and loss, but we know that doorway also leads the other way. We don’t have to stay there anymore. You are not forgetting your sister. She is part of who you are, but let her life be the best part of you.

I don’t know if that makes any sense. I know, for me, I had to stop punishing myself for what I had absolutely no control of. I miss my sister and sometimes that loss is so painful, but she would want me to live a happy life, not be totally lost because she’s gone.

 

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