Darlene...My heart breaks for you. I too, lost my Beloved Sister (my baby sister...my only sibling) on 8 June 12 when a man driving a water truck t-boned her. He ran a red light...she didn't know what hit her. He is being charged with Homicide by vehicle, running a red light, reckless driving, and careless driving. We're waiting for his trial (scheduled for August). It was his 4th at-fault accident. This happened a month before not only her 42nd Birthday, but also a month before our Beloved Mom's 5 year anniversary of losing her to Colon Cancer. Although my family and friends (especially my husband) have been my rock, it has been my Faith...leaning on God...that has gotten me through some of my darkest days. You do what you need to. Cry, scream, run, talk...whatever you need to do. What also helped me was seeing a Grief Counselor. I pray you find comfort and peace. Take whatever time you need to grieve. There is no set time for when grieving should stop...or you should be "over it." Time heals nothing. It helps to lessen the pain, but it's always there.
I am so sorry your family is enduring such tragic news in that way. The news reporters should not be allowed --it should be against the law to do such a thing.
Take the time to process because as each day goes on, it will only be a new adventure. Your life has changed. Your family will not find a new normal but it will take time-- months, years, or even never really feeling normal.
It's only been 5 weeks since my brother drowned. I know exactly what you mean about shock and hurt. I still look at his picture every day in disbelief. Our loved ones were quite literally taken in an instant. I'm also aware of the news media. They were at the lake at nearly the same time as some of my family. I'm very sorry about your sister. I know it's excruciating but try at least once a day to focus on the positive memories of her. And talk about it like you're doing right now. It is helping me.
I am so sorry for what you are going through, your story breaks my heart...I think it hurts even more because I really feel all that you said that you are feeling...it is not just a story to me, but my life as well...the pain is real...it hurts...it feels like at times that I want to crawl out of my own skin just so I can possibly feel something different-but I can't. I carry it with me whether I throw myself into a busy day at work, or if I am silent watching television...the feelings are still there. I am writing this to you not to make you sad, but for you to know that someone is there with you...feeling the same...not understanding when the pain will end or if it will...and can only take the advice of others, that in time, it will get better. It is hard for me to believe that right now. I almost laugh at the amount of times I have heard that-but I have decided to TRY to believe that it will. I encourage you to see a grief counselor. I have. It really helped to be able to say ANYTHING to someone not related to you...nor knew your sister...that has no criticism to what you say. It is an amazing gift one has to LISTEN-and ONLY LISTEN...not telling you HOW to feel. It has been helpful for me to vent those horrible feelings that I have had that I cannot say to anyone else. It gave me freedom to know that they have already heard it all...probably worse than what I am saying...so nothing phases them. I also have gone to a few compassionate friends meetings. This is a national chapter, you can look on their website.
Please feel free to write anytime...