Jen, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my brother to suicide, pills & alcohol. My brother never had any substance problems so it was surprising to say the least. He died a year ago February. I remember how I felt at the 6 month mark, I felt like I should start feeling better, it's been 6 months, things are "returning to normal" but I started feeling worse, it was like reality really started to set in. That I would never see/ speak/ anything with my brother again. Take the time you need to heal. It does eventually start to ease. I can now say I feel pretty good. I still think of him daily and miss him dearly but I know he is out of his emotional hell. I know in my heart he is okay. You will start to find life becoming a little easier, not a jarring, not as raw. You will start to string together good days.
I am so sorry for your loss. On the 10th will be 6 months for me since losing my sister. I replay that day in my head a lot. She'd gone missing around 10 the night before. A part of me knew I think. I kept seeing her in the river. And the next morning that's where she was found. My mum called and told me. My sister's oldest had been living with mum going to school. I heard him when my mum called and told him. My heart breaks every time I think about it. I can still hear him. I cried but I ran upstairs and held him. I also called and told one of my other sisters so my mum wouldn't have to tell everyone. She'd drown, but I will say drugs played it's part. She had an addiction problem. We don't know how she got where she did whether she was disoriented or someone freaked and dumped her there. Drugs made her seizures a lot worse so it's possible. Where she was found is a bit difficult to get to. The problem with addicts is you can only do so much. It's really up to them. I have so much guilt about my sister, and I feel angry at times. But we kind of got to just love them and try to remember the good stuff. -hugs-
Jen- I know exactly what you mean about it seems like no time has passed at all, and an eternity of grief. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this 6 month milestone. I too have had dreams about my brother and none of them have been comforting. I hope you come to peace with your guilt and dream of peaceful things soon. This may sound weird but some people have suggested meditating and getting to a calm state before going to bed? Might help replace some negative feelings. Stay strong.