I lost my brother 2 yrs ago May.  It was unexpected. I cant seem to just "get over it" as people seem to tell me.  I cry everyday still.  I miss him so much and then i just get so mad at him for leaving me.  i tried counseling. couple times but it doesnt seem to do anything for me.  my family just now lets me say his name in conversation without me getting a dirty look.  im just so sad

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I also lost my brother in May of 2010. I truly understand how you feel and I am so sorry for your loss. All I can tell you is that as you work through your grief you eventually will find some peace. I have to say just recently I started feeling that a "fog" has lifted. I still talk to my brother every day, miss him every day, and cry for the fact I can't physically see him every day, but it's different now. There are times when I know he's with me...just a feeling. Also, another thing that gets me through is that
I truly believe his will be the first face I see when it's my turn to die and that brings me comfort. My brother was adventurous and brave and I think that he is on a new adventure now. It's okay to be sad and miss your brother, but at the same time ,when you are ready, it is okay to go on with your life. Your brother is a part of you and you will go on for the both of you.

Can I ask you a question that I hope is not too painful to answer:  how did your brother die?  What was your relationship with him at the time of his death?

the last year my brother was alive i started going through a divorce and i stayed with him for almost a year. we became very close. we would bicker alot before that year but that year we never fought. i went to my son in laws college graduation and my brother died on that friday and wasnt found until sunday. congested heart failure is what they say. he used drugs and had been trying to get clean. i think his girlfriend honestly did something to him. she and my brothers next door neighbor found him and a month later she married the neighbor.

thank you



Christine J said:

I also lost my brother in May of 2010. I truly understand how you feel and I am so sorry for your loss. All I can tell you is that as you work through your grief you eventually will find some peace. I have to say just recently I started feeling that a "fog" has lifted. I still talk to my brother every day, miss him every day, and cry for the fact I can't physically see him every day, but it's different now. There are times when I know he's with me...just a feeling. Also, another thing that gets me through is that
I truly believe his will be the first face I see when it's my turn to die and that brings me comfort. My brother was adventurous and brave and I think that he is on a new adventure now. It's okay to be sad and miss your brother, but at the same time ,when you are ready, it is okay to go on with your life. Your brother is a part of you and you will go on for the both of you.

Ange, I was told that you will never "get over it" or will ever accept it. The pain will always be there but it will become easier with time. Some people still miss their lost loved one after 10+ years. I dont know what to say to you to make you feel better, because I'm the same as you too. I lost my little brother last year and it's still very hard for me. I went to therapy for a bit but it didn't help very much. What I do to make me feel better is I bought a book and write out all my feelings, draw pictures of my brother as an angle, talk to him through my book. I buy balloons, write messages for him on it, and release it to him when I miss him too much. These help me from time to time.

People have different ways to grief, so I hope you will find the ways to make your days easier. Remember that you are not alone. We are all have lost someone we love very much and we are all here with you too.

My brother nd I have always been close. He is my only sibling. He's 2 years older and June 3rd was his Birthday. He lived in CA and I live in FL so we didn't get to see each other much. I saw him in Sept of 09 and he passed away in May of 2010. He had developed pneumonia and didn't go to the do for. By the time his friend got him to the hospital the antibiotic wasn't working. My Mom and I flew to Ca and stayed for 2 months. The first 2 weeks he was on oxygen and then he started to crash and they put him on a ventilator. After a month it seemed as though he was pulling through. They took him off the sedation and he came out of it but was still on the ventilator. Finally though it was clear his lungs and heart was failing. Mom and I had to make the decision to take him off the ventilator. He was awake and aware and I held his hand when they removed it. He lasted only a few minutes before he went into cardiac arrest. He would never have survived being off the ventilator and we knew he wouldn't want to live his life that way. As hard as it was, I know it's probably even harder for you as you weren't with him and have so many questions about your brother's death. Because of that, it is probably why you feel "stuck" in your grief. I know for me there was just things I had to let go of. It didn't change the fact he was gone and I couldn't move forward. I wish there was something I could say that could help you, but you'll get through this at your own pace. There's no right or wrong to how you feel, it just is. I'm thinking of you Ange and your brother is with you as well. He hasn't left you....

.

thank you for the advice. i think im going to try writting in a book took. balloons are a very good idea too.

Candy Cheng said:

Ange, I was told that you will never "get over it" or will ever accept it. The pain will always be there but it will become easier with time. Some people still miss their lost loved one after 10+ years. I dont know what to say to you to make you feel better, because I'm the same as you too. I lost my little brother last year and it's still very hard for me. I went to therapy for a bit but it didn't help very much. What I do to make me feel better is I bought a book and write out all my feelings, draw pictures of my brother as an angle, talk to him through my book. I buy balloons, write messages for him on it, and release it to him when I miss him too much. These help me from time to time.

People have different ways to grief, so I hope you will find the ways to make your days easier. Remember that you are not alone. We are all have lost someone we love very much and we are all here with you too.

i am so sorry about your brother.  i do have many questions but i know i will never get answers too. the first year i was relentless about finding out. i even went to the police and told them what i thought but i was told he was a drug addict and had been in and out of jail so basically he was better off where he was. it was frustrating but i let it go. i feel alot of guilt for not being there for him that he died alone, that maybe i shouldnt just give up if someone did something to him. i just dont know

Christine J said:

My brother nd I have always been close. He is my only sibling. He's 2 years older and June 3rd was his Birthday. He lived in CA and I live in FL so we didn't get to see each other much. I saw him in Sept of 09 and he passed away in May of 2010. He had developed pneumonia and didn't go to the do for. By the time his friend got him to the hospital the antibiotic wasn't working. My Mom and I flew to Ca and stayed for 2 months. The first 2 weeks he was on oxygen and then he started to crash and they put him on a ventilator. After a month it seemed as though he was pulling through. They took him off the sedation and he came out of it but was still on the ventilator. Finally though it was clear his lungs and heart was failing. Mom and I had to make the decision to take him off the ventilator. He was awake and aware and I held his hand when they removed it. He lasted only a few minutes before he went into cardiac arrest. He would never have survived being off the ventilator and we knew he wouldn't want to live his life that way. As hard as it was, I know it's probably even harder for you as you weren't with him and have so many questions about your brother's death. Because of that, it is probably why you feel "stuck" in your grief. I know for me there was just things I had to let go of. It didn't change the fact he was gone and I couldn't move forward. I wish there was something I could say that could help you, but you'll get through this at your own pace. There's no right or wrong to how you feel, it just is. I'm thinking of you Ange and your brother is with you as well. He hasn't left you....

.

I lost my sister  almost 3 years ago. I can't visit her grave without having the emptiness return. i miss her so much. I actually dialed her old cell phone number the other day. It went to a generic voice mail. Before I knew what I was doing I left a message, I told her I love her and all about my new daughter. I hope that who ever has that number just deleted it. Afterwards, I laughed and cried at myself. I think she would have laughed too. I still don't understand why or how this happened. Everyone said time will heal it will get better. 3 years later I'm better at hiding the emotions but they are still there.

I am so sorry for your loss and I know what you are going through my brother died 9 years ago and the pain is a pain like no other. I am here for the same reason you are I am trying to find some kind of understanding to all the loss I feel and that comes with loosing a brother. I had never truly felt what a broken heart was until the day I laid my brother in the ground. So please know I completely share your pain and I just hope my  words bring you some comfort!

Youll get through it when you get through it. Ive come to see there is no time. Its been a 18 months for me and daily i find it hard to process.  be kind to  yourself and seek support from understanding and compassionate people. 

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