Will my life ever be normal again?Everything is so different since my brother died. Colors are not has bright, I dont smile or laugh like I used too. The sky has no color anymore. My relationships with others is different. I dont love like I used too. Little things make me cry. I am not outgoing like I used too. My relationship with my sister has completely suffered from my brothers death. I had a very close relationship with my brother. My sister and I werent not that close before his death and after he died our relationship got really bad. We fight all the time to the point where we hurt eachother with words. I really thought that after he died my sister and I would be much closer but the honest truth is we are not close at all and sometimes I wonder if we will be where we belong. I just want some kind of normal in my life again!

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if you find it please let me know how you did it! my brother has been gone for 2 years and i still cry everyday and life is just lived because its something i have to do not because i want to anymore...

I know how you feel. My sister has been gone nearly four months now and it's still just sinking in. I just got back from a family vacation and kept thinking that last year at this time, my sister was sick and couldn't enjoy the vacation. It was a place we used to visit since we were kids, so memories of her just kept flooding back. It took so long for us to get close as sisters, because our age gap. She died at nearly thirty four, so I feel like she was taken away from us too soon. I feel so cheated and that I lost my best friend. I also have another sibling too, a brother. I feel like our relationship has suffered also. It was always the three of us. She was like the glue that held us all together. Now that she's gone, I feel like we are lost sheep. Hopefully time will make things better.  

After something traumatic like the death of a family member, you have to find a new normal.  The previous normal was shattered by the loss of your brother.  Life can't be like it was before.  But you can find a new normal.  I learned this from counselors following the Murrah Bldg. bombing in OKC.  Everything changes what you knew as normal.  So, you have to create a new normal for yourself.  I pray you and your sister can overcome your issues and help each other through this difficult journey. 

Hi Patricia,

My sister died 3 years ago now and it seems just like yesterday. There hasn't been a day that passes that I don't think about my sister. I can only tell you from my experience that life never goes back to normal when someone so close to you dies. I have found different ways to cope and to learn to live a "new normal" life without my sister. It's still hard to know that I will never see her again, but I do thank God everyday for the people in my life that are still living. What helps me get through those tough days where I just want to cry, is allowing my self to cry and not feel guilty for crying. Its ok to cry and just know that you will see your brother in heaven again. There are days where I just feel very sad and what helps me get through the day is to pray to God to help me get through the day, write on a journal, talk to friends/family, listen to music, go outside for a walk, play with my kids, etc. 

Just keep in mind that everyone grieves differently. Your sister is also grieving and she may be trying to find a way cope with your brother's death also. 

Such a good question.  Will I ever feel, be, experience normal?  I lost my sister two months ago, and just feel as if I am going through the motions.  I am so sorry for your loss, Patricia.  You describe so well that feeling of everything being out of whack.  At times I would just like to crawl up somewhere and just be alone, but at the same time need people to just be around me.  I get frustrated at times with my siblings, and how we grieve, but realize that just as our relationship with Aimee was very personal, so is our grief.  I hope that time will reveal your new normal and your relationship with your sister.

My sister died for days ago and this is almost exactly my situation.


Shannon K. said:

I know how you feel. My sister has been gone nearly four months now and it's still just sinking in. I just got back from a family vacation and kept thinking that last year at this time, my sister was sick and couldn't enjoy the vacation. It was a place we used to visit since we were kids, so memories of her just kept flooding back. It took so long for us to get close as sisters, because our age gap. She died at nearly thirty four, so I feel like she was taken away from us too soon. I feel so cheated and that I lost my best friend. I also have another sibling too, a brother. I feel like our relationship has suffered also. It was always the three of us. She was like the glue that held us all together. Now that she's gone, I feel like we are lost sheep. Hopefully time will make things better.  

I started creating my "new normal" ten years ago and I did a good job but the recent exstasy-induced heart attack of my brother had made a mockery of my rebuilt life.  I loved him and all the family so much but their cruelty and drugs forced me to leave.  Now I am watching them die from their excesses.  I left the family to save myself and I did save myself.  I have a good life.  But it still hurts to see them kill themselves.

Hi Patricia, what you described is how I feel. I used to be a pretty outgoing and happy person. Since my sister died, I just feel like a shell of my former self. Everything is just so much more difficult now. I guess life will never be normal again, but I hope with time at least, things get easier.

I can relate that my relationship also changed with my other sibling after i lost my brother.  It is hard every single day to know he isnt coming back.  All i have learned is that you laugh and smile and really be present to each moment.  Our brothers want us to live well and laugh.  Wheny ou are sad, be sad and when you are happy be happy.  I hear ya when it seems like things arent really the same.  You need to try and look for beauty in everything you can.  Your sister is all you have so try and mend that if you can.  We talk a lot about the deceased person, but not a lot about how it alters all our relationships within a family after someone leaves the fmaily.  Support groups and good friends.  I wish you more happiness soon:)

these are wise words. lovely words. i hope you are right. i am sure you are. but i do not know if it will be possible for me or if i deserve it. i do not believe in God, nor did my brother. but your words about a new normal resonate. thank you

gramaokie said:

After something traumatic like the death of a family member, you have to find a new normal.  The previous normal was shattered by the loss of your brother.  Life can't be like it was before.  But you can find a new normal.  I learned this from counselors following the Murrah Bldg. bombing in OKC.  Everything changes what you knew as normal.  So, you have to create a new normal for yourself.  I pray you and your sister can overcome your issues and help each other through this difficult journey. 

  I wish you all love and happier days ahead.  Recently I listened to a song, 'Dancing in the Sky' by Dani and Lizzy; it is beautiful. It made me cry, but it was good to let it out. I lost my only, older brother, over 30 years ago, then my only little sister at 21, 30 yrs. now.  I still miss them.  It would have been great to have a support group like this back then.  I miss having my sister as a friend now, for all of us to get older together.  I am sorry for all your losses and this difficult time for you.  

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