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I lost my younger brother 4 weeks ago

Started by Jamie Ann. Last reply by Diamond Jun 28. 33 Replies

Almost 3 years

Started by elyse. Last reply by Claretha Rice May 24. 2 Replies

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Comment by Liz Reilly on February 21, 2012 at 8:02am

Hi Margo,


Thank you so much for sharing your story with me.  It is just unbelievable that these terrible things can happen so often in one's life.  My mother went just as suddenly as Cathy did 6 1/2 years ago.  She had stomach cramps so Cathy took her to the emergency room.  6 hours later she was gone and I could not get there in time to even say goodbye.  I have never really gotten over that.  My parents were divorced, but close, they started dating when my mom was 12 and he was 14.  He died 9 months later and I swear his broken heart played a big part in that.  My sister and I helped each other through that terrible time and every October 26th, which is the date my mom passed, she would come meet me in the city and we would do something fun and the go have dinner because we knew my mom would not want us sitting around moping.  This October will be unbearable knowing Cathy will not be with me.


I was with her husband and kids again this weekend and will be with them next weekend too.  My brother in law calls me every night when he gets home from work.  He just cannot stand walking in that door every night to no Cathy.  His two daughters are there and he tries to put on a good face for them, but he can't sustain it for long.  I so worry about him.


Thank you again for listening to my agony.  I am so sorry for all the pain you have suffered through.  I am glad you have your daughter and she has you to help you both through this.


Regards, Liz

Comment by Margo powell on February 21, 2012 at 1:33am
Hi Liz,

This site isn't always busy with members commenting on a regular basis. Unfortunately, the posting alerts often go in the spam folder.
I felt bad when I read your post and saw it was on Valentines and no one had responded yet. I hope you are feeling better.
My name is Margo and I live in Honolulu. I can really relate to what you are experiencing on two fronts. My daughters father ( my ex) passed away just couple of weeks before my daughter started her senior year. My daughter was a total daddy's girl. We lived within a couple of miles of one another following the divorce so my daughter was constantly jumping back and forth between the two homes which seemed to work well. MY ex was very, very involved in every aspect of my daughters life. In fact, we even attended the same church regularly. Just prior to his passing, my brother was diagnosed with prostate cancer. We thought he would be okay because it seemed like they caught it in time. I took my daughter to visit my family in Utah and spend time with my family. Approx. 2 weeks after we returned to Hawaii, Presley's father passed away. We were devastated!!! Six months after burying my ex, I lost my brother. He was a wonderful man. I felt our whole support system had been yanked out from under us. My parents are deceased. I only have the one daughter and suddenly we felt quite alone.
I am happy to hear you have a husband that can support you during your loss. I am so sorry to hear that your sister's youngest is a senior in H.S. What a tragic time to lose a parent. I lost my father suddenly at age 12 from a heart attack, I was also a daddy's girl( big time)! My dad was only 36 at the time. When I went through the loss of my daughters father with her, I couldn't believe how similar it was and the deep grief it brought up in my soul.
The losses have been many in the last 3 years including several suicides close to us. My emotions became so raw I didn't know how I would go on some days.

My faith in God has been strengthened tremendously. In fact, I truly know that had the Lord not carried me during difficult times, I would have been a casualty,as well.

I shall pray for you and your family. May you find the peace and strength you need to endure this tragic loss of one so beloved.

Their are some really good people on this site who have hearts of
gold. I will keep an eye open for your posts.

God Bless You! Margo
Comment by Liz Reilly on February 14, 2012 at 8:56am

My name is Liz and I just found this website.  My dear beloved sister Cathy passed away suddenly on January 17th.  Her youngest daughter came home from school and found her on the couch.  The only consolation is that it seems like she layed down to take a nap, even put a quilt on her, and never woke up. But beyond that there is no other consolation to be found.  I cannot bear to think of her daughter being alone and finding her like that.  She has three children, a son who is 27 and married, a daughter who is 25 and lives at home and then the 18 year old.  They are just lost.  Cathy's poor husband is so bereft that I worry about his health.  Cathy had health issues, but nothing that seemed imminent.  She was full of vim and vigor just the day before when we spoke and texted each other all day long.  The morning of th 17th, she saw her husband and two daughters off to work and school, everything seemed fine.  Cathy was my only sibling and our parents died 9 months apart 6 years ago.  I am married without children but am very close and always have been to Cathy's children.  I feel like the foundation that my life was built upon is just gone.  I am surrounded by family and friends, but I feel so alone.  I have been spending most of my free time with her family in Brooklyn.  I live about an hour away which seems like a million miles sometimes.  Cathy and I were as close as two people could be our whole lives.  We grew up sharing a bedroom and doing everything together.  She was my big sister, my protector and best friend.  We spoke several times a day every day.  Her youngest daughter is a senior in high school and this is such an important year for her.  She will graduate in June, she has her prom coming up that her mom should be there to help her get ready for, she has all her college applications in and is awaiting her acceptance letters.  It's so hard to imagine getting through all of this without her mother there.  We, of course, will, but it will be such a struggle.  The only thing keeping my sanity is focusing on all of them.  Her poor husband just called me to wish me a Happy Valentines Day because he does not have his wife at home to say it to.  I am sitting here at work as I type this and it is all I can do to not burst into tears.  I have a hard time imagining the future now that she is gone.  I try to keep moving so I don't dwell too much, but you can't run forever.  I had a melt down last night when I went up to bed.  My husband doesn't even know it because he was downstairs watching tv.  He was very very close to Cathy too.  He is trying his best to help me through this, but what can he do or say?  I am glad I found this site and hope I can find some solace here.


Comment by Regina Grass on February 10, 2012 at 2:21pm

It's been 8 months since my younger sister passed away. The 1st 3 months were the worst. So my heart ached when I read Luciana 's comment. Still having bad days with crying and sadness, its amazing how those can derail a good day and most of the time can be triggered by the smallest of things!!

I pray for strength and continued courage for all of us who have lost siblings. We are never the same how could we be a part of us is gone.


Comment by Glenda Speelman on February 10, 2012 at 7:28am

Margo, those were beautiful words. Thank you so much!

Comment by Hillary on February 9, 2012 at 5:28pm

Lisa..thank you so much...When does it ever get better? Why do people scream at me, berate and mock me because of my grief? It does no good...only makes things worse. People keep telling me to "get over it" or "grieving time is over" Why do they do this?

Comment by Hillary on February 9, 2012 at 5:26pm

Dearest Brian...I can totally relate to you...It seems that when we grieve we are all alone, even though others around us are grieving for the same person. I have had terrible physical problems because I have kept all my grief in and it has poisoned me. If you want, you can message me your email address and we can correspond about eachother's experiences...if you feel comfortable doing that. Or, we can talk on here...whichever your preference.

Comment by Margo powell on February 9, 2012 at 4:58pm
Hello Everyone,

I always read your posts and can truly sympathize and relate to everyone's grief and pain. I have experienced many losses of family members and close friends in the last couple of years.

Each time I read that one of you are still in the stage of grief where it is truly unbearable I think back on getting through the initial stages of my grief. It often requires we make deliberate baby steps that eventually will take to the path of healthy healing, acceptance and ability to move forward without debilitating pain.

if you don't mind I will offer a few suggestions:

* Keep a "what I am grateful for" journal. try to write in it everyday.
* Pray first thing in the morning. Give thanks and ask for help.
* Find ways to serve others and lose yourself in blessing others lives.
* Be very honest with those around you as to the way you are
feeling. People who really care will want to help you get to where
You can process your feelings.
* Accept yourself and the difficulty you are having with your loss and
Deep sense of grief you are feeling. you suffer greatly because you
Loved so deeply. That is a natural consequence of LOVE.

Because everyone grieves differently don't feel ashamed or isolate
yourself. Think healthy thoughts! our loved ones on the other side are not that far from us. They want our happiness and peace probably more than we do!

God Bless each and everyone of you. I pray for all who mourn, it is a very painful proposition that none of us ever want to experience. This life is short. Make the most of it, endure it well and one day we shall all be reunited with our loved ones we lost while in mortality.

We are here for one another because we want to help each other and find our own pathway for healing. As Lisa said, "You are not alone"! Peace be unto you, may our Savior carry you when you are unable to do it on your own. Blessings! Margo
Comment by Lisa W on February 9, 2012 at 4:23pm
Brian your not alone....Im here
Comment by Brian Sutherland on February 9, 2012 at 3:44pm
19 months have passed since my baby sister left me and I don't feel like I have moved on and dealt with anything.

I see family members posting comments on Facebook and talking about how much they miss her and it sickens me to the core . I see them competing in the who is grieving the most competition. I am unable to even voice how I am at at a state of complete and utter despair. Just writing these words here where I know they will never see them has me fighting to breathe and keep me falling to pieces.
I know my perception is screwed up and I know they are genuinely hurting but the slightest mention of her name has me shutting down and its like they are talking to me and I'm under water .
My wife who I love with all my heart has no idea how I feel ( because I can't bring myself to tell her ) I don't want sympathy I don't want people to see me as I see others. At my darkest times I just want out of it all . I want to let everything out and I know I need to but I won't . I really don't want to go on like this

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