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I lost my younger brother 4 weeks ago

Started by Jamie Ann. Last reply by Ewa Toole Feb 5. 36 Replies

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Comment by KathyM on September 25, 2009 at 10:17am
As i read through the posts my heart is breaking yet comforted at the same time. I have had all of the feelings expressed in the posts by others who have lost siblings. My sister passed away 3 yrs ago of a heart attack. I have the added trauma of finding her sitting on her couch. She must have taken a shower went to bed and woke up in the middle of the night with chest pain and nausea. She was my only sibling and six years younger than me. We were extremenly close and she was at my house everyday to nanny my son while i worked full time as a single mother. She chose not to have children but was crazy about my three boys. It has been three years and I still wake up crying in the night. Its like my soul is crying and I know she didnt want to die but i feel left behind. time makes some parts easier if you can call it that but other parts worse--the longing to see, talk and spend time together only gets more intense with time for me. I do find some comfort in the fact that she did not suffer and she looked so peacefull and beautiful when i found her. I just keep praying for peace in my soul. i attended grief counseling with my son since they were very close and he helps me even though he was only 11 at the time and 14 now. I am wondering if there will ever be one day that i wont cry for her?
Comment by Shannon on September 24, 2009 at 12:11am
We are grieving with you Melissa! The first few weeks are the absolute WORST!! The, I can't believe this! the, this didnt really happen did it!? The horrible non stop crying! We all on here know, and trust me, you will be in a numb fog for awhile, but just hang in there, they are still with us, just not on this side how we would like. You just get up day after day, and if you choose to do nothing but cry, by god you do nothing and just cry!! You cannot go over,under,or around this horrible pain! You must go through it to get to the other side and cope. Please read any self help books out there if you choose to because they may help. You will have a very short attention span for awhile so give yourself time, & talk, if it helps. We never know why these things happen to such good people, but I guess god just needed some angels up there, is all I can figure out. I miss my brother soo much it hurts, but just knowing he is up there watching down on me helps, just a little. Please dont let people tell you to get over it either. ( obviously someone did that to me) because you dont "EVER" get over something like this, you will just learn to cope! Please try to get some sleep & try to eat too. I know in the first few weeks I felt like I was swallowing razor blades & drinking sand. I just wanted to die too. But trust me you will be o.k. Your sister would want you to be! God bless you Melissa! Hang in there! We are all in this thing together!
Comment by Melissa Fenwick on September 23, 2009 at 5:32pm
Hello all I hope you don't mind another member. It has been 2 days since my big sister passed away, It does not seem real. She went into the hospital on Saturday night I went to see her I grabbed her hand I told her Jennifer I am here, do you see me? and she shook her head yes! I said I LOVE YOU she shook her head again. I stayed for 2 hours I left because she was getting tired. Sunday the hospital called me and said your sister is getting better she is getting up and walking around, so I was like aww that is great should I come see her the nurse said no I think she is getting better. Monday was the most horrible day of my life, I was at work and the hospital called me and said your sister made a turn for the worst and I think you may want to make a trip up here. I rushed home waited for my cousin and we were on the way the whole time I was driving the doctor kept calling me asking me where I was, he told me she wasn't going to make it. I said PLEASE keep her alive until I get there. As soon as I got in the room I grabbed her hand told her I loved her, please don't go. Her heart stopped, my big sister was gone... and to make it even harder she was only 27. I can't sleep I can't eat I really can't do anything. I want nothing more than to be with her and my father. I feel all alone, my wonderful husband is trying his best to comfort me but It is just not helping. It feels like a terrible dream I cannot wake up from. My soul is gone and I can't breathe.
Comment by Kalexie on September 23, 2009 at 12:54am
It has been 5 months and 5 days since my sister died and it still hurts. There are days when I forget and want to call just to say hi. Or share some silly thought I've had. Or a joke we've shared. Or to gripe about our mother driving us crazy. And then i remember; she's gone. Thinking about all she will miss with her 4 year old growing up makes me cry and doesn't make it any easier. And its strange how I feel alienated from my nephew and brother in law, since we're grieving the same person; my Heidi. But ultimately my hope of a resurrection is what keeps me pushing on and there are good days mixed in with the bad. So to everyone out there who has lost a sibling, I send out my prayers and grieve together with you all.
Comment by Lisa W on September 20, 2009 at 10:42pm
Its been almost two years October 18 2007 is when my brother died . I still cant believe it . It feels unreal like its a dream and I will wake up but I dont.
Life doesnt feel like it should be going on with out him. Yes I know life does go on but it is so strange .
Comment by Shannon on September 20, 2009 at 12:34am
My name is Shannon. If you read below the bottom story first, then the one above it you will hear my story. I know how you must feel. I am so sorry. Losing our siblings is so horrible! Reading other peoples pain of losing their sibling has helped me immensely, as no one really understands unless you have or are going through it. Its like Danielle said below... We were like peanut butter & jelly. Who else is a sibling closer to then someone who has been their there whole life!! People use to say my brother & I were like a married couple because we would finish each others sentence, we could mind read each other! Even from a distance of him in Alaska & I in Washington state! When he died I could hear him hollaring at me in my mind. Not a voice, but a loud thought. Telling me how beautiful & awesome it was up there. (heaven I suppose) Because I was crying & screaming at god & all the people who kept asking me , what can I do? I would say bring my brother back!!! Thats what you can do!! You want to do something!! Do that!!! He has since talked to me in many conversations, Or thoughts I should say, like when he was gone & I ask him why? Why him? All I get out of him was it was his time & mine will be one day too. Just not now. I have to be here for his babies & mom. As for your sisters autopsy results. we had a lot of questions when he crashed & it all takes time. You want to make sure they go over evey nook & cranny as to not miss anything. If it was foul play, trust me, they will find out! You must be patient. In the first few weeks after this & even months, things go by at a snails pace! Days are forever! You are in the biggest short attention spanned FOG you will ever experience!! Trust me I know!! But they Will find out. As for the children, is there a family member who is taking them in? They will need soo much love & affection from all of you now. I told my brothers wife, that its going to take a village to get those babies raised, and by god I will make my brother proud by loving, caring, & protecting his babies til I breathe my last breath!! So Jacinta, you hang in there!! Your sister is right there next to you. You may not believe this but im telling you & everyone on here, you need to just stop, close your eyes for a minute, clear your thoughts & just listen. They will communicate with you. Not like when someone talks to you via a voice, they are thoughts, actions ( the lights) flowers blooming, or strange things that normally dont happen. I try to tell my mom this and she is finally just now understanding after my brother knocked three times on her bedroom wall ( twice) to let her know he was o.k. ( This was something they had discussed many times with one another, that if one or the other died they were to do that!) Well he did! The first time she was mad & said no, it wasnt him, those things dont really happen! So.. he did it again! Now she believes it! Hang in there & just give yourself a moment & a time to cope. We never "Get over it" We just learn to cope. I am here if you ever want to talk.
Comment by Shannon on September 20, 2009 at 12:07am
Comment by Jacinta on September 17, 2009 at 1:18pm
My sister, Marilyn died on July 27th 2009. We still don't know how she died, and I think I am going crazy. She was 36 years old, 5 years older than I. My best friend, my teacher, my example.....She was in an abusive relationship which could be the cause of her death. So much death this year and recently around me.....her husband died two years prior leaving her with two children......she moved away to New York and got into a new relationship, this man beat her. She would call me crying and depressed about life always saying she was tired of life and wanted to die. Never willing to kill herself, but sad.....The man she was with said he woke up and she was laying there dead next to him.....that's just to hard to believe. This process with the investigation and autopsy is very frustrating. Still after several weeks, no word on how. I am going crazy....Feeling depressed, crying unexpectedly, and now becoming withdrawn at work. Not wanting to really talk to people because conversations seem fake....well it is a corporation. I want to take a break just so I can understand.....but in these times, money making keeps me from that. If only there was a reason to lay my emotions on. My emotions are everywhere. My sister left behind her two children who are now parentless. A son who is 4 and a daughter who is 7. The fear of failing, or letting them down is consuming me. The fear that I have responsibility that I hoped to be for my own children, now only fearing to have children so as to not let them down by dying. I had a strange experience recently. I was in my bathroom and the electrical light above my sink had not been working for several weeks, and in conversation with my sister...of course in my head, I asked her if she was really there, and if she was, and if there is a God, and meaning to this life, to turn the light on. ....I waited for 5 seconds and then figured I was nuts, and said to myself, see there is nothing and I'm just crazy. I went to turn on the faucet to wash my face and then, the light came on. I was scared, and happy, and then full of sadness.......I guess I just am ranting.....it's just some days I don't know how I'm going to make it throughout the day.
Comment by Sandy Knapp on September 13, 2009 at 4:52pm
My sister, Susan, died August 26th after a 2 1/2 year battle with ovarian cancer. She was 10 years younger than I am, the youngest of four children. She was my baby sister. She was the heart and soul of our family. We all loved her so much. I have lost both my parents and my husband, but this is a pain I can barely endure. With time we learn to cope with loss, but I don't think time will dull this pain. I miss her every minute of every day. She was the sweetest, gentlest, kindest, smartest, funniest most loving person I have ever known. We talked every day for years. We cried at times but most of all we laughed. We knew each other like no one else does. We could tell each other anything. We a had history only close siblings can have. She was a loving daughter, a wonderful sister, loving wife and the best mother ever. She raised two remarkable young adults. It just seems so unfair. It seems like it should have been me, I am the oldest. When she had a problem from the time she was little, I could usually help in some way, but when she needed my help the most, I couldn't help or fix this. I can't talk to anybody really, because she was my person. I know my brother and sister as well as her husband, children, nieces and nephews are hurting too, so I try to be strong and just cry when I am alone. It did help some to read the comments of other siblings knowing at least I am not alone.
Comment by Jenny Timmons on September 13, 2009 at 12:54am
My name is Jenny. My sister passed away November 10th 2008 from cancer she was 52.I miss her so much. She was given 6 months September 4th 2008. I would talk to her every night, we'd talk for hours I had told her I wanted to come visit her. She lived in Texas, she then explained to me that she wanted me to remember her the last time we were together,which was in January of 2008 when we met in Seatle for a visit with our brother. It was the best time and will never forget, Well she had agreed to let me come see her just to spend time together, I had bought my plane ticket and rented a car for when I got there. Then all of the sudden she just stop talking to me. I would call and I would get the answering machine, this went on for about a week when I got intouch with her room mate who then told me that Linda was getting worse. I told her that my flight was in two days. She then told me to hurry she was not sure how much longer it would be. I told her to tell her I was coming, well I went to work the next morning and within an hour I received a call telling me she passed away. I was so angry I never got to say how much I love her or say good bye. I feel empty inside. She just left me, no more calls no more I love you. I don't understand why she left me.

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