I lost my elder Sister to pancreatic cancer in 2009, six months to the day that she was diagnosed.

That event pretty much finished it for my Mother, who really lost interest in everything beyond that point. My Mom passed this June after a broken hip.  She was 92, and everyone said "she had a good, long life".  Ack.

That started the timer for my Father, who despite all efforts by my Wife, his Doctor, and I, wouldn't move in with us, nor would he move into an extremely nice assisted living facility.  He insisted in staying in their old house, just he and my Sister's dog.  He passed away last week after a heart attack at 88, less than six months after his Wife.

Both of my parents were only children, and with my Sister gone, it leaves me alone. 

(I realize that last statement isn't factually true. My Wife is with me, and I thank God for that, but it isn't the same as the having the family you've known since birth with you.)

My religious friends have given me the usual time-tested answers. "God's Plan", "Sleeping Until the Resurrection", and the ever-so-comforting "God Is Testing You".

The best my non-religious friends can give me is the "**** happens" (pardon the language). 

I find myself breaking down into tears several times a day, I have no interest in my hobbies, TV, or even food.

I doubt that I could ever take my own life , but the events of this year have left me not wanting to go on.  I think I'm going through what my Mother and Father went through since 2009.

Co-workers have suggested professional help, but I'm on the fence about that (all I've ever seen counselors/psychologists/psychiatrists do is prescribe antidepressants for everything and then shuffle you off into group therapy).

I guess writing this is my way of therapy.  

Thanks for taking time to read this.

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day by day do what you can - things do change

Hey Bill--I can somewhat relate with how you are feeling. My brother died in '79; my mom in '11; my dad in May of this year, 2012. That leaves me with a sister, who has no particular interest in supporting me or being there in any substantial way. So, I am alone too. Seriously, my sister does not count. I know how hard it is. I feel terrible for you, and I feel terrible for myself a lot of the time. I have long bouts of depression and crying. I am a fulltime teacher, so I find that typically i get myself to work, teach students, talk with them, listen to them, counsel them....and then go home and sit in front of the tv, feeling completely empty. Sure does suck, eh? I am presently just trying to eat some fruits and vegetables every day, and drink at least one glass of water. Not much of goal, but it's all I can do right now. I'm here, and I am listening. Hugs, Bill---Deb


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