This is a forum for those who have been affected by a loss from a murder/suicide

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Advice on Getting Through Trial

Started by LaurenS. Last reply by LaurenS Apr 7, 2014. 2 Replies

I had a black dog, his name was Depression.

Started by Janet Garrett Nenzel. Last reply by Janet Garrett Nenzel Feb 14, 2014. 3 Replies

My Son my only child taken ?

Started by lorraine kelly. Last reply by Bera Jan 26, 2014. 1 Reply

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Comment by Jeff King on February 24, 2014 at 7:39pm

Thanks guys,

In regards to Rebekahs comment about being gentle to those making the comments about "knowing how I feel", It doesn't make me feel angry, or any animosity towards them, it's more that it makes me feel sort of all alone.  If the conversation rolls were turned around, I would almost certainly say the same thing, and I would probably think I really did know.

Somehow, this incident stirs up so many more emotions than any of the other deaths of loved ones I've experienced over the years. It's such, that I really don't know how to express what I'm feeling. At the moment, I think it's mostly guilt wondering what I could have done different to prevent it from happening. What I feel seems to change continually though.


Comment by Margo powell on February 24, 2014 at 6:47pm

Hi Jeff,  I have followed your family's story. I pray for you many times a day!  I am originally from Ogden, but live in Hawaii now.  it is so heartbreaking what you are going through.  It must seem like it's too much to bear most of the time.  Your daughter and her children were absolutely beautiful. There are some really good people who come to these sites.  Support and understanding from others is probably the most important thing for you to receive at this stage of your grief.   There are no words to express my sadness regarding your loss.  No one can possibly know what you are going through. I will continue to pray that you receive peace.  Getting through the initial stages are so difficult.  There are no answers for what has happened,  however, you will ,at some point, learn how to cope.

God Bless You on this journey. No one should ever have to 

face such a difficult trial in their life.  

If I can be of any help, please feel free to reach out.


Comment by Rebekah West on February 24, 2014 at 6:43pm
Hi Jeff,
I am so sorry for your loss. To lose so many that you loved must be absolutely searing. Please know that as you walk through this, you will begin to gain the ability to cope. I don't like to say that it gets better, because at least in my case the emotions have remained terribly complicated, but I am able to survive, and at this point, even more because you learn to make some form of sense out of it. Be gentle with yourself . Try to be gentle to those who make the comments you describe. And know that this is a safe place
Comment by T.C. Goodwin on February 24, 2014 at 6:33pm


After reading your post my tears started to swell up. I have not gone through this but I do want to say you will get support through this web site. I am so sorry. Your healing will take time... I am so sorry Jeff...

Comment by Jeff King on February 24, 2014 at 6:22pm

On the evening of 16 January 2014, my son in law shot and killed my daughter, her mother (My ex-wife) my 7 year old grandson, and my 5 year old granddaughter before he turned the gun on himself. I’m not sure what I’m looking for here, I just know I can’t stay where I am mentally as it’s not a place I can remain for any length of time while retaining any resemblance of sanity. People say they know how I feel, whereupon all I can do is nod my head while knowing, that while they mean well, they really don’t have a clue.

How do you deal with all the different emotions? They gang up on you to the point where dealing with any one of them individually seems impossible and as a group they're too overwhelming.

How do you move forward when your life seems so turned around that you no longer know what forward is?

Are there people out there on this board who have gone through something similar? Can you ever really get through it?

Comment by Janet Garrett Nenzel on February 14, 2014 at 10:42am

Peace and love this Valentine's Day.

Comment by T.C. Goodwin on January 27, 2014 at 7:48am

 A friend of ours committed suicide (by gun shot). We also had a distant family member that was found in a pool. The odd thing about it was that it was no signs of a struggle and nothing was taken from his car. We strongly believe he committed suicide. Both suffered from depression. Depression is real and if we do not recognize the signs & symptoms it can lead to tragedy. I am a psychiatric nurse and my job is to help such ones. Unfortunately, I have not always won the battle but I try. The sad thing is ,we all suffer from some type of depression. This website is an excellent support system for those who need comfort. (Proverbs 12:25)

Comment by Margo powell on November 15, 2013 at 3:49pm
Kim, You maycome stay with us in Hawaii! My daughter and I have a nice lifestyle and live in a beautiful area in Honolulu. I can only imagine the craziness being caused by the disfunctional and erratic healthcare and insurance changes that are going on:(
Comment by Margo powell on November 15, 2013 at 3:41pm
Kim, first of all I meant the word alleviate to be the intended word where elevate occurred with my auto correct. Email me, I may have a really exciting opportunity for you. It's an exciting project I am working on with a good friend who is an RN.
My email address is hope to hear from you!
Comment by Margo powell on November 15, 2013 at 3:20pm
Hi Kim, You are certainly correct about the dark place your father must have found himself in. I won't go into my history of losses from suicide and murder/suicide at this time but because of the effect that many of these losses in my life and my daughters life, I spent 5 months putting together a program for school. It addresses bullying suicide, violence and substance abuse. Have had great results in as much as the students gleaned so much from it! Their evaluations and grades given for the program were excellent! I only tell you this because through my research the most common theme was that people are depressed and in pain. A research project out of UCLA found that the brain recognizes emotional pain in the same way it recognizes physical pain. It's estimated that 30% of our society are suffering from depression.
It's a difficult thing get a handle on:(.
I live in Hawaii and believe it or not, we experience one of the highest suicide rates in the nation. Your father probably needed to elevate the pain he was in but couldn't imagine inflicting the pain of his suicide on your mother. Many years ago, my young, beautiful piano teacher took her life with her husbands gun. Unimaginable in my mind how she could take such a drastic step. When I asked my mother if what she had done was a sin in God's eyes she responded with an answer that gives me peace. She said, the Lord knows all things and is merciful. He will judge according to the circumstances and understanding of the pain she was in". May the Lord
Provide you and your loved ones the peace and understanding to go forward. My daughter has lost 5 friends to suicide:( 3 within 2 months! As a mother I have grieved tremendously for each one of them and their families. Several murder/suicides have affected close friends and family members. Stay strong! If there is any thing I can do to support you through this, feel free to reach out:). Aloha, Margo

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