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Comment by SUE on December 4, 2010 at 12:30am

Sunday will be our christmas visit with Kays daughters and grandkids. The only day that resembles xmas for them is when we show up. Kays daughters havent celebrated x-mas since the day they lost their mom.

Comment by SUE on November 17, 2010 at 10:44pm

Manny,
Im so sorry you have lost your brother. You have been cheated as have we all including those who we lost. Your brother fought the disease of manic depressive for a long long time. Voluntarily subjected yourself to shock treatment speaks volumes about his determination to beat it. Very brave and he tried very hard. Depression is a disease much like cancer in my opinion. A healthy mind does not commit suicide a sick one does. He didnt make a healthy decision he couldnt...I hope that he had some happiness in his 30 years of marriage. I dont want to judge his wife because who really knows what goes on behind closed doors. I agree the timing was bad but we are all human and sounds like she reached her max. She will feel guilt too over his loss. None of us however have the divine power to stop or save someone from themselves surely if we did none of us would be here now. Your sadness is understandable but if it gets to the point of controlling your life see a profressional, your doctor or whoever. You need to take care of you. You will indeed find happiness in your life again and can live a full life its simply one day at a time. Baby steps..
Sue

Comment by manny zutnam on October 17, 2010 at 1:44am

I have a loss too. My older brother became manic depressed over 10 years ago. He attempted suicide and was put on drugs. When the drugs no longer had their effect he tried again. His lost his job and his wife of 30 years wanted a separation and announced it while he was in the hospital. This made him worse and very hopeless. He then was advised to take shock treatment and against my advise did it. He seemed to be coping day to day but after smashing two cars and losing that independence he succeed in his suicide. I think that we all failed him. The family members are busy and would not take him in as he child that he had become. He was a sweet sad sole who just wanted love. I have sadness especially when I'm tired but I can't tell if its related to my life or to my brother's suicide. He was a tough father figure in some ways for me and I don't know how to be happy now. Will I ever? I was told that by recognizing this as god's plan may help. I don't know. I have a hard time believing that he "made a decision" not to live and that "he could not live with the pain" as people have told me. I am left without a brother who I needed and was minimally there for me. I feel cheated.

Comment by Maria on October 10, 2010 at 2:38am

On August 20, my father murdered my mother while she was sleeping, wrote a brief note, locked their valuables in the safe, got back in bed next to her and killed himself. The motive was financial, at one time they were quite well off, in the end I had to borrow money to bury them. I have the grief, shock etc. complied with the lawyers, trustee, and I was the only child in a small family. I am numb, exahusted, confused...lonely. some days i'm ok, some days its just so very hard, and some days are a bit of both. My heart goes to any of you who ever spent even one day feeling the way I do. They say it gets better over time, but how am i gonna make it that long...i'm so very sad, and I have to get up and put my big girl pants on and deal with all the financial mess they left behind. And it is just so embarassing, people ask you what happened that both your parents are dead...my heart breaks again everytime i have to say it. Everyday since then is a blur, seeing a therapist once a week feels like it is just not enough. It is so hard to go to sleep, even though i am so tired.

Comment by Sabrina on August 14, 2010 at 10:38am

My parents died in May. They were both very sick, my mom with Alzheimer's and my dad with end stage lung disease. My dad shot my mom from behind, called 911, and then shot himself. My dad left a note for my siblings and I and it said that he was losing his strength and balance every day and barely had the strength to pull the trigger. He left everything we needed laid out carefully. It was an elaborate plan. It was very shocking to us obviously and we are now in the healing stage. I am reaching to out to find other adults that have lost their parents in this way. Thanks and I'm so sorry for all of your losses. I never imagined that my parents lives would end like this. Logically, it all makes sense, emotionally not so much.

Comment by SUE on February 19, 2010 at 12:30am

This is my ex loves story in the news. I read his poems in his eulogy. Everyone was stunned to learn that about him. His death remains a mystery.
http://www.torontopolice.on.ca/thebadge/2010.02.pdf

Comment by SUE on January 10, 2010 at 1:03am

Today was Mikes funeral.............

Comment by SUE on January 2, 2010 at 11:26pm

Im posting this here because frankly there is no where else to post this. I dont know if my ex love committed suicide or if he was murdered or nothing about his cause of death. Missing since June of 96 remains found 2003 but only identified 5 days ago as being him. Im at a loss I cant explain his passing, I just know he is gone. Theres more but in another post I just cant bring myself to continue right now...I feel drained.

Comment by SUE on December 20, 2009 at 10:42pm

Had a visit with Kays daughters yesterday. A real bittersweet kind of day. I really wish Kay was here to see her grandchildren, I know she'd be super proud of her girls. I look at them and I see their mom.

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