Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jessica on April 20, 2010 at 2:50pm

I am so sorry about your husband. I do not think I could live through that. I hope that you have a large pool of loved ones to lean on in your time of need.

Lots of Love,

Jessica

Permalink Reply by alaine dougherty on April 26, 2010 at 4:27pm

hi joann...
my husband died suddenly on july 24 2009. he was very healthy...one belt away from being a black belt...we did ballroom dancing for 10 years...he worked as a letter carrier for 28 years. we were on vacation with my cousins at a lake in missouri. he had been water skiing in the morning, played in the lake that afternoon and then went for a run. he was sitting with my aunt and uncle after the run talking with them and then it appeared that he was having a seizure. i was just coming up the hill from the lake when i saw that he was in distress. at first i wasn't worried because my younger son had seizures for 15 years. because my husband was unresponsive, several people started cpr on him. i called 911. they used the defibrillator on him twice and still no response. at this point i pretty much knew that he had died. the ambulance took him to the hospital (35 miles away). as soon as i signed him in they took me to the chapel. they never did work on him at the hospital because he had already died. because he was an organ donor i could not do an autopsy. that would not have changed anything anyway. my husband loved life and was almost never sick. most everyone will say that he was the last person they expected to die. it has been nine months and even though i was there i still have such a hard time believing it. losing your husband and mother in such a short time is such an awful thing. i have read so many grieving books, been to a grief group and join online grief groups whenever i can. our lives have changed forever. sudden loss is also much harder to deal with. i try to find comfort in many different places but at the end of the day i have to climb into that bed alone. i can hardly think of life without my husband. i have to do the one moment at a time thing to keep from going crazy. my mother died 13 years ago and sometimes it seems like yesterday and sometimes it feels like a different life. what i think i am learning in all this is that we will never get over it or through it, we will just adjust to it. our worlds were turned upside down and we have to put whatever pieces we can back together. one of the best terms i have heard is we have to create a "new normal" i would not have chosen this path but my husbands death just proves that we don't get to choose these things. i miss him each day and still wait for him to come through that door! i am always willing to listen or talk.

Permalink Reply by Janet Henderson on May 10, 2010 at 7:39am

Joann,
My soulmate and best friend Ralph died instantly in a car accident on Dec. 9, 2008. He was on his way to work and hit a tow truck. His death was caused by his aorta being ruptured. He worked with our oldest son, Mark. Mark called to see why his dad wasn't at work, and said his dad wasn't answering his cell phone. I tried calling him but he didn't answer my call either. I immediately knew something was terribly wrong. Within minutes I received a call from his cell, but it wasn't him, it was a police officer wanting to know why I had called this phone and who I was looking for. He told me Ralph had been in an accident but wouldn't tell me anything about his condition. At that point I think I knew he was gone. Within minutes I received a call from a social worker at the hospital telling me that he hadn't made it. My whole world fell apart and will never be the same again. He didn't feel anything, which gives me a little comfort. We were married almost 35 years after dating for almost 4. We met when I was 15 and he was 17. We have 4 children and 6 grandchildren. I miss him more than words can express. Yesterday, May 9 and Mother's day, marked 17 months since his death. I don't know if I will ever get over his death. We had a wonderful marriage, he was so good to me. Since his death, I have suffered from extreme anxiety and panic attacks as well as depression. I pray every day for the strength to go forward without him. I know he is happy and that one day we will be together again, but he has been my whole life since I was 15. Trying to find out who I am without him is so hard. People say we have to create a new life, a new me, but the truth is I don't want a new life or new me. I just want my old life back, being loved and cared for by my best friend and sweetheart. I am so grateful for wonderful memories and not having any regrets. I am also thankful for family and friends who love me and support me. My daughters are wonderful and I can always count on them for whatever I may need. Like you, there are times I think I am going crazy, I wait for him to come through the door or to call me. I wish I had answers to help you. I am trying to put my trust in the Lord. I recognize that I have been truly blessed, that our relationship,happy marriage and nearly 40 years together is a great deal more than most people get. I hope and pray that you will find peace and comfort. Take care, Janet Henderson

Permalink Reply by Cynthia Clements on February 26, 2012 at 8:14am

I am so sorry that we have to be here on this site but am so thankful that we all have found it.  I lost my husband on October 21, 2010.  He drove an 18 wheeler and had been gone all week, he was 1 1/2 miles from his last delivery of the week and then would be on his way home 90 miles away.  He was on a two lane highway. He came around a curve in the road and there was a 74 yr old woman completely in his lane.  He hit his brakes and jackknived and she hit him in his fuel tank.  The truck exploed, she hit a rock wall and was killed,  he then went off the road hitting two oak trees and the truck was covered with the lumber he was  hauling.  It burned for 3 1/2 hours before the could put out the fire and get my Gene out of the truck or what was left of the truck.  I didn't even get to see him or touch him, or tell him good by, I only had a casket to tell good by.  I still somedays think he will come home that he is only on the road and hasn't come home yet. It's the only way I get through some days.     We will have our second real anniversary on Feb. 29, 2012.  He picked out the date, he was so funny he said " this way I'll only be in trouble every four years. "  God I wish he was here , I miss him so much I hurt. We didn't have any children together, I have 3 from another marrage buit he never had any.  He loved kids so much.  My son's wife had 2 little girls  and he wouldn't even let me hold them when we went to the hospital he said these are my babies.  He was their Papa Gene.  We went to the cemetery and the oldest little girl left a little truck on his headstone for him to play with.  The younger on left him a duck.  He loved children so much he was always do charity work for kids.  We started a duck race and all the money rasied goes to  The Childrens Hospital of Alabama here in  Birmingham.  Last year I changed the name of the race to " The Gene Clements Memorial Lucky Ducky Derby"  we ( his family and mine) are about to get started raising money and selling ducks again this year for the 2nd annual duck race. I guess that I will go to the cemetery for my anniversary and spend it with Gene there.  I to had to go on meds. I have panic attacks. I try to keep myself busy so I don't think so much but he is always on my mind and will always be in my heart forever.  He lost his Father when Gene was 13 yrs. old he told me it never gets easier or better you just learn how to deal with it.  He was right, somedays I don't deal very well.  When I lost him I lost half of myself and don't think I will ever be whole again.  I pray for every one on this site to get some peace and comfort.  Hugs and prayers to you all.

 

Permalink Reply by Staci Smith on April 8, 2013 at 8:39pm

im so sorry about your my husband ,died 6 month ago in his sleep and the drs dont know why. he was only 29 we were only merred for 6 months. but we were together for 21 years. staci

Permalink Reply by Gail Gaines on April 18, 2013 at 3:21pm

Permalink Reply by T.C. Goodwin on March 29, 2014 at 8:24am

Joann,

 Thank you for your post. I recently had a close friend that died and I did not even know she had died until about a week later. She was healthy.   ( So ,I thought) However, that particular day I heard she started complaining about her  heart and then fell into a coma and never woke up.

I constantly think about it... The good thing is I know she is in God's memory..

Looking forward to the time when the pain will go away - Revelation 21:4

Permalink Reply by Gail Gaines on March 29, 2014 at 9:38am

Hello everyone. It's been a while since I have replied to the discussion. I have been working on not being angry for my best friend dying. I was so angry for her leaving me. I now realize that she is longer suffering and that I need to focus on seeing her again. Reading the scriptures concerning the resurrection and really imagining seeing her healthy really has helped. (John 5:28) do I miss her? Definitely!Daily I remember a thought or memory that is very dear to me. I long for the day when everyone who has lost someone in death will be brought back to life.