ITS BEEN 11 YRS SINCE I LOST MY 2 BABIES WHY HASNT IT GOTTEN ANY EASIER I STILL HURT,CRY AND MISS THEM LIKE CRAZY I DID START THERAPY YESTERDAY I HOPE THAT HELPS BECAUSE I NEVER DID IT B 4 NOW FOR THE SAKE OF MY JOB AND WHAT I FELT LIKE OTHER PEOPLE WOULD THINK BUT NOW I FEEL LIKE ITS MORE THAN I CAN HANDLE ALONE AND IM TIRED OF HURTING INSIDE YES I NO THEY WONT B BACK BUT I WOULD LIKE 2 LIVE A HAPPY SOMEWHAT NORMAL LIFE AGAIN ALL THESE YEARS IVE KEPT MY FEELING UNDER WRAP AND I CANT DO IT ANYMORE ITS TIME 4 ME 2 THINK OF ME AND MY CHILD THAT IS LIVING AND NOT WORRY WHAT OTHERS THINK R SAY CAUSE THEY DONT NO WHAT I DEAL WITH ON A DAILY BASIS IF U FEEL THE SAME AND WOULD LIKE 2 SHARE PLEASE DO SO CAUSE TALKING AND GETTING IT OUT HELPS DONT HOLD IT ALL IN LIKE I DID FOR YRS BECAUSE IF U DO U WILL COME 2 A BREAKING POINT AND THIS IS NOT GOOD GOD BLESS EACH AND EVERY 1 OF U AND I HOPE THIS MESSAGE HELPS AND UPLIFT SOME 1 ELSE WHO MAY B GOING THRU THIS AS WELL.

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I wish I could somehow reach through this screen and hug you!! I know how much it hurts.

My beautiful little 3 year old daughter died in a house fire 30 years ago!! Not one day has passed in the last 30 years that I havnt thought of her and missed her. I wouldnt have made it through if I hadnt had my 2 sons to still take care of,and the support of some loving friends. But it felt as if I had clawed my way right out of HELL!


3 weeks ago my oldest boy died on his motorcycle. We burried him next to his sister. But I live in another state now almost 2,000 miles away. I cant even go and visit their graves. I was suppose to go and live with my son,he wanted me to,but I had to stay here to look after my mother. I have my mother here ,but I cant talk about anything because it upsets her too bad. I dont have friends down here. I sit in this room all day and look at my boys pictures and cry. I dont think I am going to make --I dont even want to make it now. I just live in constant fear that any moment now the phone is going to ring and tell me that my last living child is dead now too. He lives in California,and i live in Texas.

pat
OMG MS RUSSELL THK U SO MUCH 4 YOUR RESPONSE AND NO I WISH I COULD HUG U RIGHT NOW BECAUSE HELPING YOU HELPS ME AND IM DEEPLY SORRY 4 BOTH LOSSES U HAVE ENDURED IT IS SO GREAT 2 NO IM NOT THE ONLY 1 WITH TIME PASSED THAT STILL FEEL THE WAY I DO I REALLY FELT LIKE I WAS LOOSEING GROUND THERE 4 A BIT I FELT GUILTY I FELT UNWORTHY OF ANYTHING NOTHING MADE OR MAKES ME TRUELY HAPPY I CANT THINK SOMETIMES AT 1 POINT I WANTED 2 KILL MYSELF I NO THIS ALL SOUND LIKE A WEAK PERSON BUT THIS IS HOW I FELT BUT THE BREAKING POINT 4 ME WAS WHEN I TRIED 2 O/D ON MEDS AND HAD 2 B RUSHED 2 THE ER AND GOT MY STOMACH PUMPED THEY ADMITTED ME 2 A WARD WHERE I SPENT 2WKS AND PAT WHEN I TELL U THAT WAS THE BEST THING 4 ME I MEAN IT FROM MY HEART THAT WAS 6YRS AGO THERE WAS A NURSE WHO WORKED WITH ME HER NAME WAS ANGELA I WILL NEVER 4GET I SAID SHE WAS SENT 2 ME BY MY BABIES IN HEAVEN ONCE SHE WAS ABLE 2 GET ME 2 OPEN UP THINGS CHANGED 4 THE BETTER I HAVE ANOTHER CHILD THAT MADE IT SHE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL 4 3WKS FIGHTING 4 HER LIFE DUE 2 THA SMOKE INHALATION I WAS VERY MEAN AND NASTY 2 ANGELA 4 REALLY NO REASON JUST DOWN AND SAD AND DIDNT WANT 2 TALK ABOUT IT THA MORE I RESIST THA MORE SHE REACHED OUT 2 ME SHE SAT ME DOWN AND SAID 2 ME POINT BLANK THA GIRLS R GONE AND AINT NO COMEING BACK U CAN LIVE IN DENIAL R U CAN FIGHT 4 THE CHILD U HAVE LEFT 2 SUPPORT HER BE THERE 4 HER AND TEACH HER THAT THERE IS LIFE AFTER DEATH SHE ALSO SAID YOUR BABIES DIDNT SUFFER BECAUSE THEY WERE ASLEEP SO THERE4 THEY WOULDNT WANT THIER MOTHER 2 SUFFER AND TRY 2 KILL HERSELF AND ALSO THE CHILD U HAVE LEFT NEEDS U WHAT DO U THINK IT WOULD DO 2 HER 2 LOOSE U ON TOP OF WHAT HAS ALREADY HAPPEN SHE SAID IT WOULD DESTROY HER 4 LIFE AND UP 2 THAT POINT I HAD NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT ANY OF THAT SHE PULLED 4 ME THE WHOLE TIME I WAS THERE NOW I NO EVERYONE ISSUES R DIFFERENT BUT HER TALKING 2 ME AND UPLIFTING ME 4 MY CHILD SAKE WHEN I LEFT THERE I FELT A HEAVY BURDAN HAD BEEN LIFTED OFF ME AND I FELT I HAD NEW CHANGES 2 MAKE IN MY LIFE I CALLED BACK A FEW WKS LATER 2 THK HER 2 FIND THAT SHE WASNT THERE ANYMORE AND THATS Y I SAY MY BABIES SENT HER JUST 4 ME AND 4 US 2 CROSS PASS MY WHOLE POINT 2 THIS STORY 4 U IS 2 SAY PAT YOUR TIME WILL COME AND U WILL NO WHEN IT HAPPEN CAUSE YOUR KIDS CAN HEAR AND SEE U AND THEY NO WHAT AND HOW U FEEL AND WHEN THA TIME IS RIGHT SOMETHING WILL TAKE PLACE AND GIVE U THA COMFORT AND PEACE U NEED 2 HELP U GET THRU IT DID WITH ME AND NOW I CAN SMILE AGAIN HAVE GREAT TIMES WITH MY CHILD AND FAMILY I BEEN BLESSED WITH A GREAT JOB A NICE HOME AND 2 CARS AND I FEEL JOY AGAIN IN MY LIFE 6YRS AGO NO 1 COULD HAVE TOLD ME THIS WAS IN MY FUTURE AT ALL CAUSE I DIDNT EVEN C IT BUT KNOWING MY BABY NEEDED ME MADE ME PUT UP A FIGHTING CHANCE 2 DO AND GET BETTER AND I NO THATS WHAT MY BABIES WOULD HAVE WANTED 4 ME AND HER AND I ALSO SAID THINGS HAPPEN 4 A REASON EVEN IN OUR DARKEST LOWEST MOMENTS IN LIFE AND WHEN WE R TRING 2 FIGURE IT OUT HE HAS ALREADY WORKED IT OUT 4 US SO REST MY SWEET LET THIS DAY B A NEW FRESH START 4 U CAUSE THEY LUV U STILL AND WOULDNT WANT U 2 KEEP GOING ON LIKE THIS DAY AFTER DAY AND DO DIFFERANT THINGS LIKE START A NEW HOBBY,GIVE YOUR TESTAMONY,HAVE A STRONG FAITH THAT U WILL GET BETTER GO 2 CHURCH AND PRAY AND PRAY HARD MAKE NEW FRIENDS DO ANYTHING U CAN 2 GET UP AND OUT SO YOUR MIND CAN ACCEPT GOOD POSITIVE THINGS THAT WILL HELP U COPE AND FOCUS IF I CAN GET BETTER ANYBODY CAN CAUSE I DIDNT FEEL ANY LIFE AFTER MY LOSS IF U NEED SOME 1 TO TALK 2 I WILL B THAT EAR IT DOESNT MATTER THA MILES BETWEEN US I ALWAYS SAID IF I COULD CHANGE R MAKE A DIFFERANT IN 1 PERSON LIFE I FEEL I DONE MY PART AS FAR AS GIVING BACK AND HELPING SOMEONE ELSE GOD BLESS U I WILL PRAY 4 U AND I NO IN MY HEART THINGS WILL AND CAN GET BETTER NO WE WONT EVER 4GET BUT THERE IS LIFE AGAIN AFTER A DEATH OF A LOVED ONE I ALSO GOT ME AND MY CHILD IN THERAPY MAYBE THATS AN OPTION 4 U BYE 4 NOW HOPE IVE HELPED IN SOME KIND OF WAY HOPE 2 HEAR FROM U AGAIN LET ME NO HOW U R FROM TIME 2 TIME GOODNITE MS.PAT

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