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suicide's survivors

talk to other survivors of loved ones that took their life and learn how to cope with everyday life, how to carry on,try to understand and know why you feel the way you do.

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Why Go On?

Started by Jason R yesterday. 0 Replies

Unbearable emotional pain!

Started by Shari Soklow. Last reply by Edward Casey Sep 19. 7 Replies

Dead brothers roomate!

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Comment by Jason R yesterday

Appreciate your thoughts LA-Greg.  I recently just learned this myself.  Better to express your feelings.

Here is a great resource that others might want to consider:

 

Why Go On?  Read

 

 

Comment by LA-Greg yesterday
ellen,

it has helped me and a friend of mine who also has had suicidal thoughts to try our best to focus on expressing to someone...who has been there...how we feel so bad, or how we feel like killing ourselves. it may seem like a little thing, but it is the expression of the feeling, versus the knee jerk blurting out that you want to do it that can make all the difference. the safer we are to express how we feel...even when it is feeling so despairing that we think suicidal thoughts...the more likely we are to make a real, emotional connection with another at those times, and that is often what yanks us out of the suicidal ideations.

so, please do your best to reach out...here or at a survivors group in town, ot with a friend who can understand...when you are feeling suicidal with those feelings. there are some people who will not be frightened of your despair and will have nothing but empathy for you. like i do.

it makes all the difference, those moments. and from there you can move on to better decisions and connections that support your process of grief and recovery. these connections give us tools to treat ourselves with compassion, too...which is the opposite of suicide. instead of suicidal, in time we learn to just allow our despair and grief...moments of which you will always feel as long as you dare to be alive. unfortunately it is the price we survivors pay for loving someone and for wanting to live. but it doesnt mean it has to be too big a price to bear. you can do it. just dont isolate yourself. find support, if you need to in therapy or groups that share their experiences...or here.

take care. i know how bad it can feel, too. and so does everyone here.


greg
Comment by Ellen Sheehan yesterday

Hi All

Just thought id check in and share my thoughts Yesterday was the four month anniversary of my husband burial.September was a hard month as it would have been our wedding anniversary and it was also my 50th birthday and a trip to New York was planned for that.I have made it through and thats a blessing .My thoughts of suicide are diminishing its not every day now Im still going to talk to someone every week which is helping me come to terms with where i am at this moment in time.Iknow i have a long journey ahead but now im getting stronger everyday to face it head on Each day is still a struggle and there are still days when i cant face the world outside my door but im feeling a bit more positive that i can survive without my husband it will never be the same without him but in time i will accept that he is gone and never coming back,im not there yet but hope i will be some day.Thanks for listening to me  Ellen

Comment by MJ on Monday

When someone is thinking of suicide, remember that it's hard for them to see all their options. If you know someone who has attempted suicide, remember that their is a high probability that they will attempt again, even if they appear to be ok. Don't just tell someone to stop thinking negative - Share positive up-building thoughts so they can have something to replace the negative thoughts that are there.

Comment by Julie Ann Reid on August 24, 2014 at 6:47pm

I am so sorry, Ellen.   I lost my son 3 years ago and have had the fantasies of joining him many times.  I think Janet

s advice is very sound, but in the depth of the moment, difficult to hear or comprehend.   I'm so sorry - for your loss, for being in so much pain.  Much Love,  Julie

Comment by Janet Garrett Nenzel on August 24, 2014 at 4:14pm

Ellen,

I am so very sorry for your pain, the loss of your husband and these agonizing suicidal thoughts.  You did not kill your husband, apparently he was quite ill with no chance to recover. I am sure you held out hope as long as you could.  I can relate to these feelings, all of them.  I lost my son Garrett was is now Forever 21 almost 18 months ago to suicide.  Out of the blue... I have felt where you are last on January 10,2014. Didn't expect to see tomorrow.  But I am here, stronger than ever day by day working to make Garrett's life count for something.  I work with mental health organizations.  I attend local grief support groups and these here online.  A book I Was Not Ready to Say Goodbye is a good read.  The Grief Recovery Handbook is also a good read and workbook.  Do you have groups, a therapist, a trusted friend.  If the urge to hurt yourself is too overwhelming, perhaps a short check in to the hospital on your own terms will get you past.  I don't know your situation but there are people that love and care for you.  As a mom having lost a son to this awful disease can't stand to hear of anyone else contemplating the same.  It is dark and gloomy right now but I promise it will get better ~ I know from my personal experience.  Hold on, reach out, be gentle with yourself. <3 Janet ~ Garrett's Mom

Comment by Ellen Sheehan on August 24, 2014 at 3:56pm

Hi

Havent been here for a while but just wanted a bit of support Feeling really low at the moment and having multiple thoughts of suicide every day these thoughts come into my head,i imagine myself hanging or driving into walls without a seatbelt on.I also am looking for places where i can end my life.I find myself looking for the perfect tree or bridge where i can jump off.I am seeing people who i talk to but i cannot tell them of these feelings as the last time i got locked into a secure unit.My life is over since my husband killed himself .well i actually ended his life by taking him off life support and i cant live with the feelings of guilt for doing that to him.Im so tired all the time and lack the energy to continue.I pretend to be ok infront of people but behind closed doors im slowly losing the will to live .Tomorrow will be 3 months since he passed and its getting harder every day.I want to stay in the house with the curtains closed and the doors locked and shut the world out.The feelings of dying are getting so intense not sure how long i will hold on.

Comment by Janet Garrett Nenzel on August 2, 2014 at 7:01pm

Greg you share wonderful insights to which I personally agree ~ Janet ~ Garrett's mom 17 months tomorrow

Comment by LA-Greg on August 2, 2014 at 6:10pm
ellen, it is normal for people who havent experience the loss of suicide to be uncomfortable talking about it. it is also normal, unfortunately, for many people to avoid the subject even if they have experienced it. it is too hard for many.

since u are talking about it and want to talk about it, you are more apt to not be depressed, because what you are doing tends to stimulate healthy expression of ur feelings. it is when we run away from feelings or bury them or are just too overwhelmed by them that we start having horrible psychological difficulties like anxiety, panic attacks, and depression.

you will have bouts of depression, but you sound like you arent depressed, for the most part. remember, depression is actually the absence of feeling. you, on the other hand, are simply grieving...though, of course, it is anything but simple to go through. you are sad, hurting, regretful at times, full of heartache, scared even of the painful feelings. but this means you are not depressed. you are normal. to lose a loved one to suicide is overwhelming for anyone. so, keep doing your best, keep reaching out to others, esp those who can understand and be supportive...

...and give yourself a break. you are doing well. trust yourself to do for yourself what you need to get through this. you are alive and you will survive if you keep this up, and you will start coming back to life more and more. i know it is hard, and sometimes it is too hard, and you will need breaks or escapes.

take care,

greg
Comment by Ellen Sheehan on August 2, 2014 at 2:49pm

Hello,well ive made it through another 2 weeks.It will be 10 weeks tomorrow since Kieran passed and this week has been really hard.Still crying and breaking down sometimes the day is just tears and screaming.Im sure it is just grief but now getting really worried it might be depression.How do you tell the difference perhaps its due to lack of sleep food and even exercise which was a big part of our lives.I am so lonely and the phone calls and texts are becoming fewer and fewer,when i do talk to somebody it seems like they are avoiding talking about Kieran.Is this the norm do people think you should be moving on or is it because they think talking about him is upsetting me.I would like some advise on this please.He was in my life for 22 years in fact he was my life,i need to talk about him.It is like to some people he didnt exsist.

Thanks for listening these are things no one else will be able to understand.

Ellen

 

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