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suicide's survivors

talk to other survivors of loved ones that took their life and learn how to cope with everyday life, how to carry on,try to understand and know why you feel the way you do.

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Dead brothers roomate!

Started by colleen murphy. Last reply by colleen murphy Aug 10. 3 Replies

Moving forward

Started by Julie Salnoske. Last reply by katie Feb 26. 4 Replies

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Comment by Julie Ann Reid on August 24, 2014 at 6:47pm

I am so sorry, Ellen.   I lost my son 3 years ago and have had the fantasies of joining him many times.  I think Janet

s advice is very sound, but in the depth of the moment, difficult to hear or comprehend.   I'm so sorry - for your loss, for being in so much pain.  Much Love,  Julie

Comment by Janet Garrett Nenzel on August 24, 2014 at 4:14pm

Ellen,

I am so very sorry for your pain, the loss of your husband and these agonizing suicidal thoughts.  You did not kill your husband, apparently he was quite ill with no chance to recover. I am sure you held out hope as long as you could.  I can relate to these feelings, all of them.  I lost my son Garrett was is now Forever 21 almost 18 months ago to suicide.  Out of the blue... I have felt where you are last on January 10,2014. Didn't expect to see tomorrow.  But I am here, stronger than ever day by day working to make Garrett's life count for something.  I work with mental health organizations.  I attend local grief support groups and these here online.  A book I Was Not Ready to Say Goodbye is a good read.  The Grief Recovery Handbook is also a good read and workbook.  Do you have groups, a therapist, a trusted friend.  If the urge to hurt yourself is too overwhelming, perhaps a short check in to the hospital on your own terms will get you past.  I don't know your situation but there are people that love and care for you.  As a mom having lost a son to this awful disease can't stand to hear of anyone else contemplating the same.  It is dark and gloomy right now but I promise it will get better ~ I know from my personal experience.  Hold on, reach out, be gentle with yourself. <3 Janet ~ Garrett's Mom

Comment by Ellen Sheehan on August 24, 2014 at 3:56pm

Hi

Havent been here for a while but just wanted a bit of support Feeling really low at the moment and having multiple thoughts of suicide every day these thoughts come into my head,i imagine myself hanging or driving into walls without a seatbelt on.I also am looking for places where i can end my life.I find myself looking for the perfect tree or bridge where i can jump off.I am seeing people who i talk to but i cannot tell them of these feelings as the last time i got locked into a secure unit.My life is over since my husband killed himself .well i actually ended his life by taking him off life support and i cant live with the feelings of guilt for doing that to him.Im so tired all the time and lack the energy to continue.I pretend to be ok infront of people but behind closed doors im slowly losing the will to live .Tomorrow will be 3 months since he passed and its getting harder every day.I want to stay in the house with the curtains closed and the doors locked and shut the world out.The feelings of dying are getting so intense not sure how long i will hold on.

Comment by Janet Garrett Nenzel on August 2, 2014 at 7:01pm

Greg you share wonderful insights to which I personally agree ~ Janet ~ Garrett's mom 17 months tomorrow

Comment by LA-Greg on August 2, 2014 at 6:10pm
ellen, it is normal for people who havent experience the loss of suicide to be uncomfortable talking about it. it is also normal, unfortunately, for many people to avoid the subject even if they have experienced it. it is too hard for many.

since u are talking about it and want to talk about it, you are more apt to not be depressed, because what you are doing tends to stimulate healthy expression of ur feelings. it is when we run away from feelings or bury them or are just too overwhelmed by them that we start having horrible psychological difficulties like anxiety, panic attacks, and depression.

you will have bouts of depression, but you sound like you arent depressed, for the most part. remember, depression is actually the absence of feeling. you, on the other hand, are simply grieving...though, of course, it is anything but simple to go through. you are sad, hurting, regretful at times, full of heartache, scared even of the painful feelings. but this means you are not depressed. you are normal. to lose a loved one to suicide is overwhelming for anyone. so, keep doing your best, keep reaching out to others, esp those who can understand and be supportive...

...and give yourself a break. you are doing well. trust yourself to do for yourself what you need to get through this. you are alive and you will survive if you keep this up, and you will start coming back to life more and more. i know it is hard, and sometimes it is too hard, and you will need breaks or escapes.

take care,

greg
Comment by Ellen Sheehan on August 2, 2014 at 2:49pm

Hello,well ive made it through another 2 weeks.It will be 10 weeks tomorrow since Kieran passed and this week has been really hard.Still crying and breaking down sometimes the day is just tears and screaming.Im sure it is just grief but now getting really worried it might be depression.How do you tell the difference perhaps its due to lack of sleep food and even exercise which was a big part of our lives.I am so lonely and the phone calls and texts are becoming fewer and fewer,when i do talk to somebody it seems like they are avoiding talking about Kieran.Is this the norm do people think you should be moving on or is it because they think talking about him is upsetting me.I would like some advise on this please.He was in my life for 22 years in fact he was my life,i need to talk about him.It is like to some people he didnt exsist.

Thanks for listening these are things no one else will be able to understand.

Ellen

Comment by LA-Greg on July 23, 2014 at 2:52pm
ellen,

celebrate his birthday by having whatever memories come, i would say. thats like celebrating yourself as a human being, for being human is full of pain as well as pleasure...and sometimes lots of pain. but, as you say, you also know the road through that suffering is in not hiding, in sharing your experience and expressing your feelings with people less apt to judge you or shame you for it. i feel this is something us survivors have learned and continue to learn every day, and its sadly something our family members and loved ones who left us so suddenly and often violently did not learn.

keep learning, keep writing, keep feeling...everything. the more you dont hold back your sorrow and misery, the more good memories will come, too. of course, that is what makes their loss so tragic...that there were many good moments, but they gave up.

have the courage to not give up...and you will continue to feel that life is good and worthwhile again, too.

g
Comment by Janet Garrett Nenzel on July 23, 2014 at 2:49pm

Ellen ~ I wish you a peaceful day of good memories tomorrow and every day.  You may be in Ireland (a favorite travel of my parent's O'Connor ;) ) but we all only a keystroke away <3  Janet

Comment by Ellen Sheehan on July 23, 2014 at 1:40pm

Thank you Greg and Janet for your comments they help me so much

i live in a small town in Ireland and help here is very limited so this site is a lifeline to me especially being able to talk to other people who are going through the same thing.

Tomorrow is my brothers birthady who passed last year so having a tough week but i will stay strong i will light a candle for him and others i have lost.

I dont know if i will be able to have happy memories of him but i will try.

Thanks again for your words of support

God Bless x

Comment by Janet Garrett Nenzel on July 22, 2014 at 5:01pm

Ellen, You need to keep reaching out, not isolate yourself.  I lost a loved one too to suicide, my son.  I find the in person, online support groups, books, therapy, GriefShare 13 week class and The Grief Recovery Handbook all very helpful.  You are still very raw in your loss.  Don't expect so much of yourself.  Another active group online you may want to take a look at is  GTU (Grief the Unspoken) for Loss by Suicide     https://www.facebook.com/groups/193304607475819/     

Take care and hugs, Janet

 

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