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suicide's survivors

talk to other survivors of loved ones that took their life and learn how to cope with everyday life, how to carry on,try to understand and know why you feel the way you do.

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Comment by LA-Greg on Wednesday
ellen,

celebrate his birthday by having whatever memories come, i would say. thats like celebrating yourself as a human being, for being human is full of pain as well as pleasure...and sometimes lots of pain. but, as you say, you also know the road through that suffering is in not hiding, in sharing your experience and expressing your feelings with people less apt to judge you or shame you for it. i feel this is something us survivors have learned and continue to learn every day, and its sadly something our family members and loved ones who left us so suddenly and often violently did not learn.

keep learning, keep writing, keep feeling...everything. the more you dont hold back your sorrow and misery, the more good memories will come, too. of course, that is what makes their loss so tragic...that there were many good moments, but they gave up.

have the courage to not give up...and you will continue to feel that life is good and worthwhile again, too.

g
Comment by Janet Garrett Nenzel on Wednesday

Ellen ~ I wish you a peaceful day of good memories tomorrow and every day.  You may be in Ireland (a favorite travel of my parent's O'Connor ;) ) but we all only a keystroke away <3  Janet

Comment by Ellen Sheehan on Wednesday

Thank you Greg and Janet for your comments they help me so much

i live in a small town in Ireland and help here is very limited so this site is a lifeline to me especially being able to talk to other people who are going through the same thing.

Tomorrow is my brothers birthady who passed last year so having a tough week but i will stay strong i will light a candle for him and others i have lost.

I dont know if i will be able to have happy memories of him but i will try.

Thanks again for your words of support

God Bless x

Comment by Janet Garrett Nenzel on July 22, 2014 at 5:01pm

Ellen, You need to keep reaching out, not isolate yourself.  I lost a loved one too to suicide, my son.  I find the in person, online support groups, books, therapy, GriefShare 13 week class and The Grief Recovery Handbook all very helpful.  You are still very raw in your loss.  Don't expect so much of yourself.  Another active group online you may want to take a look at is  GTU (Grief the Unspoken) for Loss by Suicide     https://www.facebook.com/groups/193304607475819/     

Take care and hugs, Janet

Comment by LA-Greg on July 21, 2014 at 9:06pm
ellen,

i hope it helps to hear i care, ive been that bad too, suicidal feelings.
i hope you dont give up and keep connecting here when you need to talk. i will try to reply asap. i connect with your sorrow, your pain, your feelings of craziness. all i can say is you are not crazy to feel crazy after such a horrible loss ...and it is horrible. it is normal to feel that way and hurt so much and have to cry a lot. it is the only way to heal...that and having people in your life who understand and support you and do not judge you.
take care and talk again soon.

love, greg
Comment by Ellen Sheehan on July 21, 2014 at 5:34pm

Can anyone help me my days and nights are getting worst how can i survive this nightmare I dont know how long i can keep going

Comment by Ellen Sheehan on July 19, 2014 at 9:10pm

It is now 8 weeks exactly at this time, today since my husband passed i am still not back working and every day is a struggle.I am seeing a counsellor now which im not sure if its helping as most of the time im just crying through the session.Im still not sleeping or eating that much and dont no how long this will go on for.I wonder how long i can cope on 2/3 hours sleep each night.This week on Tuesday i had to make a big decision and that was to put our beloved dog of 11.5 years to sleep she had cancer and was having seizures so now i have lost another part of my family which has putme be back a long way.The house is lonely enough without Kieran here but now its even lonelier.I have lots of support from my friends but still feel so alone and often lose my concentration when people are talking to me.Even the smallest task throws me into turmoile i seem to start things and im unable to finish them.Two weeks ago i was put into a mental health unit because i had a breakdown and felt my life wasnt worth living ( my life has gone when my husband died) i was on sucide watch myself my clothes were taken from me and i was put on medication i was kept there for seven days.Did they think 7 days was going get rid of my fears, panic attacks and breakdowns, no its going to take years .

Comment by Janet Garrett Nenzel on June 9, 2014 at 4:43pm

Hello Ellen and LA-Greg,

Ellen I am very sorry for your loss and understand your range of emotions- all so normal to us.  I wondered how my 21 year old son could take his life, didn't he THINK about what it would do to me, family and friends.???  No, they are only trying to find what seems reasonable to them a way to end the PAIN.  And LA-Greg, I agree with what you said below too.  I know you are new here, I have not been on too much recently ~ lots going on but I'm glad you've both found the support of wonderful folks here.  Hugs  Janet <3

Comment by LA-Greg on June 6, 2014 at 2:02am
ellen,

you are not alone.
there are many here who know your suffering and do care.
we care for each other in our empathy.
maybe your husband loved you as best he could, but that does not mean he did not have terrible problems all his own.
love makes you empathize, and it can be awfully hard sometimes to know where they end and you begin, especially with such a long standing bond between you.
it is normal to feel messed up from this, especially where you had such a bond.
and, remember, you still are feeling that bond, so you will be very confused sometimes, taking on his pain, even taking responsibility for it, too.
it is hard not to. give yourself a break for your suffering. try to let yourself enjoy any little thing, even a breath of fresh air after crying, because you need that as you move along, day to day, even hour to hour.
as i say, many of us know this horrible pain you are going through and all the crazy mixed emotions, so do yourself a favor and use this group. reach out to people here, trusting there are many who will hear you and listen to you and do their best to be there for you.
find a counselor or a grief group for support. at times like this all of us need someone to lean on at times.
you are not alone. take care.

love,

g
Comment by Ellen Sheehan on June 5, 2014 at 9:31am

My husband commited suicide on May 16th.He hung himself in the house after i went to bed,i woke up and still do not know why maybe i heard a noise but came downstairs to find him hanging from the bannisters,i couldnt lift him back up to support him I rang for an ambulance and the operator told me cut him down and start CPR which is what i did.

Within no time the paramedics were there and they took over he had had a heart attack so they shocked him and gave him adrenaline.

He was taken to A and E where he was worked on then transferred to ICU he was on life support for 9 days but died on the 25th May 2014.

I still cant come to terms with what he has done to me even though people are telling me it was himself he was thinking about at the time.

The feelings i have are so mixed towards him anger guilt (that i didnt see this coming) and pain that he was obviously hurting so much and i never realised.He hid it too good.

The day this happened had been a lovely normal day talking about our upcoming holiday which was to be next week walking our dogs nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

He had been to the pub that night and all his friends said he was no different.

I live in a small town and people are already avoiding me i really dont know how im going to cope without him for 19 years it has always been me and him.

I now feel so alone as well as doubting that he could have loved me to let me go through this terrible pain.

 

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