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suicide's survivors

talk to other survivors of loved ones that took their life and learn how to cope with everyday life, how to carry on,try to understand and know why you feel the way you do.

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Dead brothers roomate!

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Comment by Janet Garrett Nenzel on August 2, 2014 at 7:01pm

Greg you share wonderful insights to which I personally agree ~ Janet ~ Garrett's mom 17 months tomorrow

Comment by LA-Greg on August 2, 2014 at 6:10pm
ellen, it is normal for people who havent experience the loss of suicide to be uncomfortable talking about it. it is also normal, unfortunately, for many people to avoid the subject even if they have experienced it. it is too hard for many.

since u are talking about it and want to talk about it, you are more apt to not be depressed, because what you are doing tends to stimulate healthy expression of ur feelings. it is when we run away from feelings or bury them or are just too overwhelmed by them that we start having horrible psychological difficulties like anxiety, panic attacks, and depression.

you will have bouts of depression, but you sound like you arent depressed, for the most part. remember, depression is actually the absence of feeling. you, on the other hand, are simply grieving...though, of course, it is anything but simple to go through. you are sad, hurting, regretful at times, full of heartache, scared even of the painful feelings. but this means you are not depressed. you are normal. to lose a loved one to suicide is overwhelming for anyone. so, keep doing your best, keep reaching out to others, esp those who can understand and be supportive...

...and give yourself a break. you are doing well. trust yourself to do for yourself what you need to get through this. you are alive and you will survive if you keep this up, and you will start coming back to life more and more. i know it is hard, and sometimes it is too hard, and you will need breaks or escapes.

take care,

greg
Comment by Ellen Sheehan on August 2, 2014 at 2:49pm

Hello,well ive made it through another 2 weeks.It will be 10 weeks tomorrow since Kieran passed and this week has been really hard.Still crying and breaking down sometimes the day is just tears and screaming.Im sure it is just grief but now getting really worried it might be depression.How do you tell the difference perhaps its due to lack of sleep food and even exercise which was a big part of our lives.I am so lonely and the phone calls and texts are becoming fewer and fewer,when i do talk to somebody it seems like they are avoiding talking about Kieran.Is this the norm do people think you should be moving on or is it because they think talking about him is upsetting me.I would like some advise on this please.He was in my life for 22 years in fact he was my life,i need to talk about him.It is like to some people he didnt exsist.

Thanks for listening these are things no one else will be able to understand.

Ellen

Comment by LA-Greg on July 23, 2014 at 2:52pm
ellen,

celebrate his birthday by having whatever memories come, i would say. thats like celebrating yourself as a human being, for being human is full of pain as well as pleasure...and sometimes lots of pain. but, as you say, you also know the road through that suffering is in not hiding, in sharing your experience and expressing your feelings with people less apt to judge you or shame you for it. i feel this is something us survivors have learned and continue to learn every day, and its sadly something our family members and loved ones who left us so suddenly and often violently did not learn.

keep learning, keep writing, keep feeling...everything. the more you dont hold back your sorrow and misery, the more good memories will come, too. of course, that is what makes their loss so tragic...that there were many good moments, but they gave up.

have the courage to not give up...and you will continue to feel that life is good and worthwhile again, too.

g
Comment by Janet Garrett Nenzel on July 23, 2014 at 2:49pm

Ellen ~ I wish you a peaceful day of good memories tomorrow and every day.  You may be in Ireland (a favorite travel of my parent's O'Connor ;) ) but we all only a keystroke away <3  Janet

Comment by Ellen Sheehan on July 23, 2014 at 1:40pm

Thank you Greg and Janet for your comments they help me so much

i live in a small town in Ireland and help here is very limited so this site is a lifeline to me especially being able to talk to other people who are going through the same thing.

Tomorrow is my brothers birthady who passed last year so having a tough week but i will stay strong i will light a candle for him and others i have lost.

I dont know if i will be able to have happy memories of him but i will try.

Thanks again for your words of support

God Bless x

Comment by Janet Garrett Nenzel on July 22, 2014 at 5:01pm

Ellen, You need to keep reaching out, not isolate yourself.  I lost a loved one too to suicide, my son.  I find the in person, online support groups, books, therapy, GriefShare 13 week class and The Grief Recovery Handbook all very helpful.  You are still very raw in your loss.  Don't expect so much of yourself.  Another active group online you may want to take a look at is  GTU (Grief the Unspoken) for Loss by Suicide     https://www.facebook.com/groups/193304607475819/     

Take care and hugs, Janet

Comment by LA-Greg on July 21, 2014 at 9:06pm
ellen,

i hope it helps to hear i care, ive been that bad too, suicidal feelings.
i hope you dont give up and keep connecting here when you need to talk. i will try to reply asap. i connect with your sorrow, your pain, your feelings of craziness. all i can say is you are not crazy to feel crazy after such a horrible loss ...and it is horrible. it is normal to feel that way and hurt so much and have to cry a lot. it is the only way to heal...that and having people in your life who understand and support you and do not judge you.
take care and talk again soon.

love, greg
Comment by Ellen Sheehan on July 21, 2014 at 5:34pm

Can anyone help me my days and nights are getting worst how can i survive this nightmare I dont know how long i can keep going

Comment by Ellen Sheehan on July 19, 2014 at 9:10pm

It is now 8 weeks exactly at this time, today since my husband passed i am still not back working and every day is a struggle.I am seeing a counsellor now which im not sure if its helping as most of the time im just crying through the session.Im still not sleeping or eating that much and dont no how long this will go on for.I wonder how long i can cope on 2/3 hours sleep each night.This week on Tuesday i had to make a big decision and that was to put our beloved dog of 11.5 years to sleep she had cancer and was having seizures so now i have lost another part of my family which has putme be back a long way.The house is lonely enough without Kieran here but now its even lonelier.I have lots of support from my friends but still feel so alone and often lose my concentration when people are talking to me.Even the smallest task throws me into turmoile i seem to start things and im unable to finish them.Two weeks ago i was put into a mental health unit because i had a breakdown and felt my life wasnt worth living ( my life has gone when my husband died) i was on sucide watch myself my clothes were taken from me and i was put on medication i was kept there for seven days.Did they think 7 days was going get rid of my fears, panic attacks and breakdowns, no its going to take years .

 

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