suicide's survivors

talk to other survivors of loved ones that took their life and learn how to cope with everyday life, how to carry on,try to understand and know why you feel the way you do.

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I dont know how much longer i can hold on...

Started by Melissa Shuler. Last reply by Angel Jenkins-doyle Mar 11, 2016. 5 Replies

I wasn't ready to say good-bye

Started by Kristin miller. Last reply by T.C. Goodwin Feb 26, 2016. 4 Replies

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Comment by Fallon on June 3, 2017 at 10:04pm
It's been a month since the loss of my Mother, her life was hard and far to short.
I miss her terribly and find that nearly everything makes me think of her...and memories I hadn't thought of on years are arising...even still ...i find myself feeling numb most of the time
Comment by Linda Osmon on March 14, 2017 at 6:00pm

Well I haven't checked in in awhile, by the looks of my last post quite awhile, when i was talking about the first anniversary of my partner Randy's suicide. I have passed the 2nd anniversary date which was back in November, tomorrow is his or would have been his Birthday. That also seems to be a day of high anxiety for me. The 2nd anniversary was hard, didn't seem to be much different from the first. Maybe now not so much anger, well not at him anyway. Seems like I am still dealing with the aftermath of trying to get back on my feet...and at almost 61 this isn't how I imagined anything would be. But it is and we are all left to just try and pick up the shattered pieces and move forward...I won't say move on, because I know that for most that will never happen. I want to say life is getting better, but I'm not sure that's the right word. It's challenging and some days are fine and some days it's like nothing has changed at all and it feels like yesterday...But I think for the most part the yesterday Days aren't as common and the fine days are getting to be more the norm. I think we have a choice, which no one in this world besides someone else who is living it, we have a choice to live again. I made that choice and I struggle everyday to stay focused on that. For the new members I know where you are at this moment in this awful journey, but please know, that you will be ok...much love to you all.

Comment by Tad Williams on September 27, 2016 at 11:24am
It has been 6 years since my father committed suicide. I haven't talked about it much in all this time, but I now feel the need to. I had a complicated relationship with my dad, which is true of all of my siblings. It is said that tragedy is a time for families to pull together and support each other, but I had never felt lonelier in my life than I did then. I was reading something recently about survivors and it said that we need to focus on the welfare of the living, not just the what ifs of the past. The article quoted Ecclesiastes 9:10, "All that your hand finds to do, do with your very power." I know that my father's pains and struggles are over, but I need to take care of myself and those around me. That will help me keep my will to live.
Comment by T.C. Goodwin on February 14, 2016 at 3:05pm

Sometimes it hard to see the signs...I have learned  not to be afraid to say " Are you suicidal?" - Proverbs 17:17

Comment by Ruth Kendall on January 16, 2016 at 3:12pm

I'm so sorry about your loss Linda. I agree as coping with my sister Anne's suicide has been a mixture of so many emotions. We both had the challenge of battling mental illness. My sorrow is that I am still here while she is not. I try to rationalize out the reasons but that just gets me into a place of frustration. I cannot change the past. I must go on even though she is gone. We were sisters and I will always feel her with me. It's when I need her the most that I feel her near. And when I'm struggling to rise to the challenge of whether or not to react in anger or in kindness. Then I feel her with me. She was a kind person, compassionate to everyone she met. She poured out her caregiver talents in the role of nurse to me to the point of frustration at times. For both of us I think in retrospect. And yet, there were signs of anger when I look back on the times we spent together. I didn't realize at the time just how angry she was. That makes me sad. And then, I remember the good moments because there were good moments. I am accepting that my life is forever changed by her death. Changed. Different. Not the same. That is hard.

Comment by Linda Osmon on November 25, 2015 at 3:19am

Well November 3rd was the one year anniversary of my partner of 24 years Randy's suicide. Not quite sure why they call it an anniversary, I equate that with celebration and this wasn't. I tell everyone that so much has changed in the past year, yet nothing has changed. He's still gone. I wish I could say that things are better, but they are not. Still don't think the shock has worn off, it's always a whirlwind of emotions. Sadness,love,depression,anger, Oh yes the anger. Still grappling with external things that happened after he died. I hope someday that I can put something about this to rest, but i'm not sure that will ever happen. I feel like I wasted 24 years of my life, but thats the anger talking. There was so much of those years that were wonderful, thats the love talking. When I can finally reconcile the 2, I hope that all that will remain, are the parts that were wonderful, not the ending, because the ending happened over a short period of time. I don't i am still trying to figure out where i go from here, this is not where I thought my life would be at almost 60 years old. But here is where it is and i'm still trying

Comment by Blair Alexandria Gorham on September 10, 2015 at 1:57pm

Im so sorry Ellen. I cant even imagine what you went through. When you're in that kind of mindset you're not thinking rationally. I love my family more than anyone, but with having a mental illness I just believed that my life was more of a burden. It's hard to explain. All I can say is that this forum has really helped me see the other side of mental illness and how it affects those who are around people with it. 

Comment by Rosemary on September 8, 2015 at 9:23pm
Sandra, I cannot even begin to imagine that horror. I am very sorry for your loss. There are really no words to comfort you I know. My husband took his own life in May 2013. His was not a violent passing. Still, my heart is shattered beyond belief. I attend the survivors of suicide support group in my area. It has been helpful. I pray you have a good support system to hold you up until you can stand again. You are not alone on this journey. Best wishes, Rosemary
Comment by Sandra Gerencher on September 8, 2015 at 8:52pm

I lost my fiance to suicide on June 22nd of this year.  He shot himself in the heart in our bedroom with my gun, while I was folding laundry in the next room.

Comment by Ellen Sheehan on July 27, 2015 at 4:03pm

Blair I lost my husband to suicide last May the past 14 months has been the hardest  ive ever had to survive and get to where i am today and there were times i nearly didnt. I myself took an overdose 6 weeks after he died as i too didnt see a way out of the pain i was feeling luckily for me and believe me when i say i didnt feel that luckyat the time but a good friend of mine couldnt reach me on the phone that night and called to the house (my neighbour has a key ) so thay entered the house and got me to hospitaI was sectioned for my own safety Well as it is im still here but not a day goes past when i dont think to myself why why why and how could he and im sure every person who has lost someone through suicide asks themselves the same questions.I undertstand that at the time you are making the decision to end your life you feel everyone would be better off if you wasnt around anymore but the truth is we are not we live with that everyday.There is always a way out you just need to say the words I NEED HELP these three words are so important and once you have said them and actually except the help then you can begin to starttrying to live again It is not a easy road sometimes harder than you ever imagined It is not as easy as you think saying not to blame ourselves because we are the ones living with the fact that we didnt see it coming or we didnt do enough I know at the end of the day they made the choice but it doesnt make it any easier for us survivors


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