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suicide's survivors

talk to other survivors of loved ones that took their life and learn how to cope with everyday life, how to carry on,try to understand and know why you feel the way you do.

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Why Go On?

Started by Jason R Sep 30. 0 Replies

Unbearable emotional pain!

Started by Shari Soklow. Last reply by Edward Casey Sep 19. 7 Replies

Dead brothers roomate!

Started by colleen murphy. Last reply by colleen murphy Aug 10. 3 Replies

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Comment by MJ 5 hours ago
Comment by Jennifer Loretto on October 25, 2014 at 3:35pm

Lynda, don't feel guilty.  My son Ben had an abusive, absent, then present and manipulative, then absent again father who I cannot even find to tell him about our 30 year old son ending his life.  I'm doing my best to focus on the 30 good years we had (not realizing what he suffered since he kept it such a secret).  I'm having a bunch of people help me spread his ashes and I'm taking my time making a scrap book of his achievements and pictures, etc.  I hope my depression will be replaced with good memories and the love that I will always have for him.  There is some joy in my tears.  xoxoxox

Comment by Lynda on October 25, 2014 at 9:22am
I'm two years out from losing my 16 year old son. I still have problems sleeping, but thankfully the nightmares have stopped. It happened right in front of me, with a gun, in my driveway of my current home, and he passed away 4 days later. This year would have been his senior year. His brother is going to the same small school he went to. Last night was homecoming, and i cried all day, off and on, completely beyond my control. His friends miss him, they didn't understand. While he didn't leave a note, per se, he wrote his dad, who had refused to support him medically after a football injury that left him with knee reconstruction and major depression. That same man tried to use our son in court in a custody hearing to cost me custody of my youngest, and was temporarily successful. Then our son took masters into his own hands and ended his life and my ex husband's ability to ever use him as a weapon again.

I hear people talk about being angry with the one who died. I just can't. I feel nothing but sadness, guilt, regret that i didn't find a better way to protect him from the most effective bully he and i ever had to face. Our son called his dad or for what he had done, and the last words his dad typed back over Facebook? "Have a nice life."

At the visitation in the funeral home, that jerk stood behind my youngest and I one of the many times my youngest asked to go see his brother and actually uttered the words to both of us, "we did all we could".

I know, as a Christian, I am supposed to forgive him. I am still so angry, i shake as i type this message, and i just pray God gives me enough time on this earth to get that worked out. That was our child. His blood. And i think, to this day, he believes nobody outside him and our son knows about that conversation. I think he believes nobody outside the court room knows what he testified to, or that he refused to cover counseling for depression (should just snap out of it and act right), that he refused to pay child support and only showed up to the custody hearing to bully us all into doing what he said. I would love to player this on billboards so the world would know what a coward he is, what role he played in the destruction of our child, his only son.
Comment by Scott Hankins on October 25, 2014 at 1:05am
Hi everyone. Just wanted to share. Its been 3 years since I lost my Don. He was a pastor and worked many years as a social services director. When he committed suicide my world came to a complete end. All I wanted to do was follow him. I came close many times. Life seemed so good. We were planning our wedding and the rest of our lifes. I guess I never realized all of the darkness he had in his own head. I found a therapist who helped tremendously. I spent many lonely car rides just yelling at him asking him why!. I needed the answer to the why so bad. As he left no note. It seemed ao unfair as to why the rest of the world kept going. Three years later. They why never came. Not sure as it would have ever helped. I just kept moving through the motions of life like a soulless body. I was there but no one was home. Everyday I would wake with such pain and every night i would cry myself to sleep. But as the days went then the months and finally the years I began to heal. Now thats it has been 3 years my heart is still broken but the pain has lessened. He is still the first thing I think about when I go to sleep and the first one I think about when l wake. But life has become managable agian. You have to force yourself to get up and face the world. It will hurt a lot and you will find yourself crying at the drop of a hat but you have to do it. Do what ever helps. Yell, scream, be mad. You have the right. But just remember it had nothing to do with you. It was there own demons. You could not have changed the out come. At the end they loved you. I hope this helps someone to know there life does come back. It takes lots of time and dont try to skip over emotions feel all of them and seek help if you need it. Lots of Love.
Comment by Jason R on September 30, 2014 at 7:35pm

Appreciate your thoughts LA-Greg.  I recently just learned this myself.  Better to express your feelings.

Here is a great resource that others might want to consider:

 

Why Go On?  Read

 

 

Comment by LA-Greg on September 30, 2014 at 4:34pm
ellen,

it has helped me and a friend of mine who also has had suicidal thoughts to try our best to focus on expressing to someone...who has been there...how we feel so bad, or how we feel like killing ourselves. it may seem like a little thing, but it is the expression of the feeling, versus the knee jerk blurting out that you want to do it that can make all the difference. the safer we are to express how we feel...even when it is feeling so despairing that we think suicidal thoughts...the more likely we are to make a real, emotional connection with another at those times, and that is often what yanks us out of the suicidal ideations.

so, please do your best to reach out...here or at a survivors group in town, ot with a friend who can understand...when you are feeling suicidal with those feelings. there are some people who will not be frightened of your despair and will have nothing but empathy for you. like i do.

it makes all the difference, those moments. and from there you can move on to better decisions and connections that support your process of grief and recovery. these connections give us tools to treat ourselves with compassion, too...which is the opposite of suicide. instead of suicidal, in time we learn to just allow our despair and grief...moments of which you will always feel as long as you dare to be alive. unfortunately it is the price we survivors pay for loving someone and for wanting to live. but it doesnt mean it has to be too big a price to bear. you can do it. just dont isolate yourself. find support, if you need to in therapy or groups that share their experiences...or here.

take care. i know how bad it can feel, too. and so does everyone here.


greg
Comment by Ellen Sheehan on September 30, 2014 at 4:02pm

Hi All

Just thought id check in and share my thoughts Yesterday was the four month anniversary of my husband burial.September was a hard month as it would have been our wedding anniversary and it was also my 50th birthday and a trip to New York was planned for that.I have made it through and thats a blessing .My thoughts of suicide are diminishing its not every day now Im still going to talk to someone every week which is helping me come to terms with where i am at this moment in time.Iknow i have a long journey ahead but now im getting stronger everyday to face it head on Each day is still a struggle and there are still days when i cant face the world outside my door but im feeling a bit more positive that i can survive without my husband it will never be the same without him but in time i will accept that he is gone and never coming back,im not there yet but hope i will be some day.Thanks for listening to me  Ellen

Comment by MJ on September 29, 2014 at 4:22pm

When someone is thinking of suicide, remember that it's hard for them to see all their options. If you know someone who has attempted suicide, remember that their is a high probability that they will attempt again, even if they appear to be ok. Don't just tell someone to stop thinking negative - Share positive up-building thoughts so they can have something to replace the negative thoughts that are there.

Comment by Julie Ann Reid on August 24, 2014 at 6:47pm

I am so sorry, Ellen.   I lost my son 3 years ago and have had the fantasies of joining him many times.  I think Janet

s advice is very sound, but in the depth of the moment, difficult to hear or comprehend.   I'm so sorry - for your loss, for being in so much pain.  Much Love,  Julie

Comment by Janet Garrett Nenzel on August 24, 2014 at 4:14pm

Ellen,

I am so very sorry for your pain, the loss of your husband and these agonizing suicidal thoughts.  You did not kill your husband, apparently he was quite ill with no chance to recover. I am sure you held out hope as long as you could.  I can relate to these feelings, all of them.  I lost my son Garrett was is now Forever 21 almost 18 months ago to suicide.  Out of the blue... I have felt where you are last on January 10,2014. Didn't expect to see tomorrow.  But I am here, stronger than ever day by day working to make Garrett's life count for something.  I work with mental health organizations.  I attend local grief support groups and these here online.  A book I Was Not Ready to Say Goodbye is a good read.  The Grief Recovery Handbook is also a good read and workbook.  Do you have groups, a therapist, a trusted friend.  If the urge to hurt yourself is too overwhelming, perhaps a short check in to the hospital on your own terms will get you past.  I don't know your situation but there are people that love and care for you.  As a mom having lost a son to this awful disease can't stand to hear of anyone else contemplating the same.  It is dark and gloomy right now but I promise it will get better ~ I know from my personal experience.  Hold on, reach out, be gentle with yourself. <3 Janet ~ Garrett's Mom

 

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