Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by SUE on January 2, 2010 at 11:19pm

Trish,
What a beautiful person you are to feel this way about your loss. He was pretty fortunate to have had you in his life. I hope you continue moving forward with only good thoughts of those who remained behind. I was at a wake today and someone said this..please dont think of me and cry, and if you think of me and smile I hope you think of me often...
Sue

Permalink Reply by Trish on January 4, 2010 at 7:50pm

When my dad died I was so depressed at the wake. My boss who was a wonderful & very intellegent man came over. He said every one is so sad. He went on to say, when I grew up and there was a death no one cried. Everyone came and told storys of the deceased. Joyful times they had with him/her and they laughed and celebrated the fact that they were in there lives.

Well he went on to ask me of a specific time I could remember that put a smile on my face. I told him a couple of things and after a while all that pain had left my body and I was relaxed and so happy. I will never forget the look my mom gave me. I later had to explain to her and she was so upset and said, when one attends a wake /funeral one must not be happy but sad! I am so upset at you and will never forget you smiling instead of crying.

It made me feel so much better , I don't know why we are brought up to think that we must hurt and be in pain when a loved one dies. I felt so happy thinking of all the wonderful times I had with my dad and weights were lifted from my entire body. I must remember this when I feel down about any one I love passing.

Well I hope you and your family have a wonderful start to the New Year!!

Trish

SUE said:

Trish,
What a beautiful person you are to feel this way about your loss. He was pretty fortunate to have had you in his life. I hope you continue moving forward with only good thoughts of those who remained behind. I was at a wake today and someone said this..please dont think of me and cry, and if you think of me and smile I hope you think of me often...
Sue

Permalink Reply by SUE on January 5, 2010 at 1:33am

Trish,
Man thats really tough, I mean I respect that we all grieve differently but I think your mom was pretty harsh. Im glad you are doing what feels right for you. Thankyou for your well wishes. Not a great start really. 2 Wakes in a row. My nxt one coming up this Sat. My ex love, missing since 96, remains found 2003, only now identified as him. Tough another Ill never know how or why he died?
Im sorry for getting off track ,
I hope your new year is bright and full of better days ahead !!
Sue

Permalink Reply by Trish on January 5, 2010 at 3:26pm

Yes, my mom is a tough cookie. I to found it strange to hear that my friend & his family actually celebrated when there was a death of a family memeber or friend. But when I started talking about an incident when I was small I actually smiled then laughed. All that tension was gone and I felt wonderful. Just thinking about the deceased which was my dad whom I loved made me feel so much better thinking of all the wonderful times.

As for your start to the new year, I feel that things can only get better. I'm sure you thought from time to time about him and now you have closure and can begin to greive in your own way. I am getting better , I can't beleive it is going on to 3 years this March.

I went on to look at the members of the site and noticed you were in Canada. I am in Florida. I speak to consumers all day over the phone and get alot of canadians. They always mention the difference in temperture. Well this morning it was 25 here in Central Fl.... Cold : ) for this time of the year . Well I hope you have a great evening. Well I keep busy otherwise I would have all this time to think and then things get all depressed. I am goin to the gym which I started to go to last May.


Stay strong, I truly believe that once someone hits rockbottom the only way is up : ).


Trish

SUE said:

Trish,
Man thats really tough, I mean I respect that we all grieve differently but I think your mom was pretty harsh. Im glad you are doing what feels right for you. Thankyou for your well wishes. Not a great start really. 2 Wakes in a row. My nxt one coming up this Sat. My ex love, missing since 96, remains found 2003, only now identified as him. Tough another Ill never know how or why he died?
Im sorry for getting off track ,
I hope your new year is bright and full of better days ahead !!
Sue

Permalink Reply by SUE on January 5, 2010 at 5:39pm

Thankyou Trish,
Yep Canadian and sorry for the cold front ! lol As for my ex love ...
Im very disturbed by Mikes death. He was in my life for over a decade. I his first love. His family has asked me to speak at his funeral....Im struggling with the images of his remains..and more. I know he has been found, its been 13 years,and in the media.
Anyway, I hope I can come up with something good and happy and light on what is surely a dark time for his family and friends. Much thanks
Sue

Permalink Reply by Trish on January 7, 2010 at 6:08pm

Wow, that is wonderful to be asked to speak especially by his family. You will do just fine if you haven't done so yet. I missed Earl's wake/funeral. He took his life in March 07, and I found out about the death in July 07. Life has been tough for you but I honestly feel that one gets stronger with the situations life throws at us. We might not feel that way in the beginning but we do. We learn by lifes expirences good or bad. I will be praying that you get through this and remember to try and think of the good times.

Well have to go, I am in the sun rm.. That is were the computer , tv., etc. are in and it is sooo cold in here. It was an addition to the house and no heat : (. We get about 2 wks. of cold weather. I do remember living up north and dealing with 5 months of winter. That is why I moved down here , just have to tough it out another couple of days .

Have a great day or evening.

Trish

SUE said:

Thankyou Trish,
Yep Canadian and sorry for the cold front ! lol As for my ex love ...
Im very disturbed by Mikes death. He was in my life for over a decade. I his first love. His family has asked me to speak at his funeral....Im struggling with the images of his remains..and more. I know he has been found, its been 13 years,and in the media.
Anyway, I hope I can come up with something good and happy and light on what is surely a dark time for his family and friends. Much thanks
Sue

Permalink Reply by SUE on January 10, 2010 at 6:47pm

Trish,
Funeral was yesterday, I was a mess. Locked keys in car at funeral home. Called a tow truck to open it up b4 funeral procession started. Left my reading glasses behind, which I realized when i went to read the first word of eulogy and couldnt see. A whole list of issues that day. Omg it was tough.
Sue

Permalink Reply by Trish on January 15, 2010 at 5:46pm

Sue, I'm so sorry that the day was so difficult for you. We are victims also I have lead myself to believe but I refuse to fall apart . I have family that needs me and I'm sure you do also.

I feel that you and others in this type of situation must focus on the present. I have kept looking back instead of living in the present and I couldn't move forward that way. I like to read and read in a passage once do not live in the past or future But present. It makes sense but easier said than done. Every day I seem to get stronger. You will to, I will keep you in my prayers.

Monday was a mess but it will get better. Maybe by leaving the keys in car, forgetting your glasses etc. made you forget a little of the pain you were in you were stressed but could have been 100% in pain otherwise.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

Trish

SUE said:

Trish,
Funeral was yesterday, I was a mess. Locked keys in car at funeral home. Called a tow truck to open it up b4 funeral procession started. Left my reading glasses behind, which I realized when i went to read the first word of eulogy and couldnt see. A whole list of issues that day. Omg it was tough.
Sue