Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by SUE on March 21, 2010 at 3:39pm

Sarah,
I replied earlier to your post but for some reason it wouldnt accept it. Anyway, what I wanted to say was how sorry for your loss of your daughter I am. 16 is so so young and it has to be the hardest loss that I can possibly imagine. Many like my friends 15 year old son and my own brother never left behind a note either. I've always struggled with that one myself. It is very difficult to try to explain the unimaginable. I can only offer you this and that is that they were not themselves. They were not who we knew them to be, when they reached that breaking point. I never suspected that I would lose my brother that way, nor could I have ever imagined him even thinking about it. My friends recent loss came as a shock. She had summed up his "signs" to normal teenage angst. I dont think any of us here could stop the actions of others without knowing they were considering it and secondly even if aware some are so determined that nothing will stop them in the end. Im sorry about the rumor mill. Its crazy how so much can be so blown out of proportion. Its not fair to you or your daughters memory. Ask for help Sarah, accept the comfort from friends and family. See a professional. Keep talking and writing and only do as much as you can handle for the moment. Taking a shower and changing my clothes was my big accomplishment some days.
It is hard if not impossible for people who have never suffered this kind of loss to get it...but here we do. Suicide survivor groups saved my sanity. Im sorry to have to welcome you here Sarah, but Im really glad you've found us.
Big Hugs and please be gentle with yourself,
Sue
Sue

Permalink Reply by Ka'ai on March 24, 2010 at 12:43pm

Dear Sarah,
I'm so sorry for your loss! Can never imagine the pain you are feeling right now! It is never easy to lose a child, especially by suicide! The Bible tells us at Proverbs 14:10- The heart is aware of the bitterness of one's soul, and with it's rejoicing no stranger will intermeddle. Meaning, we can't always express our innermost emotions to others and share with them precisely what we are experiencing. And one cannot always fully understand how another person feels.
You may start to feel like you could've done something to prevent it. Just remember what the Bible stated and God alone is the only one that can help us endure our trials and tribulations. He understands our emotional makeup and gives us the strength we need if we rely on Him. Your daughter may have been pressured beyond what anyone can understand but her. My heart goes out to her. I know the feeling. I'm sure you did the best you could to provide for her and love her. Now, it's a time of healing. Trying to figure out the "coulda shoulda woulda's" is just more exhausting! But nothing wrong with throwing your burdens to heaven cause He is listening! I do hope that you can pull through this. Thank you for sharing your story and know that you and your daughter are in my thoughts and prayers. Aloha from Hawaii!!

Permalink Reply by lianne on March 28, 2010 at 4:59am

my son 22 did the same on the 21/2/10, and the rumours do start with in minutes just ignore them they just make it harder for you to deal with they those who start them are selfish and not worthy of this world and there is nothing you can stay that will stop them let karma take its course they will get thier's

Permalink Reply by TXMOM on March 30, 2010 at 10:47am

I personally have been through this. 6 months ago my son did the same thing, without a note and I had no idea WHY! I came home to find him and it has been very hard to deal with. We will never know for sure what they were thinking in their last moments, or if what people are saying is true because we cannot ask them and know for sure. I have tortured myself with questions that I have no answer for, I hope you do not do this to yourself because it will not help.
I thought I knew my son and if anyone had asked if he would do something like that my response would have been an adamant NO. He was a very loving and caring person, I don't understand what he was thinking and knowing that I would be the one to find him and it would destroy me. I get angry sometimes and the grief is so strong and always there, even when I am trying to keep busy. You have to take your time and grieve for your child, I always felt that I was having to be strong for everyone else and that just doesn't work , believe me you end up falling apart, holding it all in.
I wish you the best of luck, and hope you find peace in your heart and always remember your daughter as a young happy girl. If you need someone to talk to you can email me at srvh140@aol.com

Permalink Reply by Cozette on April 2, 2010 at 11:43am

Dear Sarah, So sorry for your loss. Most people do not leave notes. All the much harder for us to try to understand what happened. Try to ignore the rumors. Folks make things up when they dont know the true story. Unfortunately for survivors like us, we may never know the reasons why. Be gentle with yourself, take the time you need to grieve , walk through this. Reach out to loved ones, clergy, support groups, whatever you need.. Cozette

Permalink Reply by Carla on April 2, 2010 at 1:37pm

My heart breaks for you. A little over three months ago our youngest son took his life. I know the pain and sorrow and I hold you in thoughts and prayers. Listen to only those who give you comfort and support. Ignore the rest and igonore those who are ignorant of the pain and suffering you are experiencing. This is a good website because many of us know what you are feeling and going through and I have found words of comfort and encouragement. This will be daily journey for you, as it has been for all of us, but each day brings a little more light and understanding into my world. I know our son never intentionally chose to hurt us or cause this pain; he was just in a place where his pain was too much and he didn't know how to reach past it. I believe that God was right there with Michael, holding him when I couldn't, as I believe the same for your daughter. I read and post here, I found a wonderful grief counselor, and I have two other close friends who have been through the same - that is what keeps me going each day. And I only do each day - one at a time. I pray peace, comfort and assurance for you and your family.
Carla

Permalink Reply by Jody's Mom on April 5, 2010 at 10:26pm

On June 27,1993, I lost my 16 year old daughter, they told me she shot herself when I went to pick her up she wanted to go and be with friends. People can be so cruel about rumors about what they would have done, when you have lost your child there is no worst pain you can have nobody can say they know how you feel untill you have been there , it is not easy living life knowing they are gone.I have ask so many people "WHY" nobody has the an answer, We have a hurt that is so hard to explain , we cry ,we yell . People who spread rumors about the ones that are hurting so bad don't have any respect for anybody including themselves ,I was told ugly rumors when I lost my daughter too, I cried and cried and don't go around them anymore , It gets a little easier to live with and time goes on but the hurt is always there , and we will never forget them because they are still a part of our lives we remember the laughs , jokes , and the fun we had with them ,I thank god for giving 16 wonderful years with my little girl , I know shes up in heaven now I want to do whats right because I want to see her again oneday .

Permalink Reply by mav on April 6, 2010 at 4:31pm

Dear Sarah,
I would never had been on this web site if my daughter who is 15 hadn't attempted suicide. I knew that she was behaving differently, however, I never could figure out why, until March 16 that she attempted suicide by swallowing pills and slashing her wrist. Yes, she survived, however, the battle is now to survive everyday knowing that
she may choose to do it again or some other way. She is on medication to help regulate her emotions, and therapy is starting, however, she still is not telling anyone what made her behave in that way.
To be honest, on that day, I am the one who "died" and now, I struggle everyday with the fact that I can't make the choices she needs, I can only guide her and hope that I won't have to find that she will decide take her life again.
m

Permalink Reply by linda on April 19, 2010 at 8:25am

hi sarah, my name is linda, and i to lost a son to hanging, at age 17, in the woods one cold oct. night back in 1996. it,s a horrible nightmare is what is what it is, and learning to cope, took me many years. as i had many questions, and blamed myself for years. how to cope.... first all all your reaching out to those of us who have been right where you are now, a good first step, you have to feel to heal, and that could mean anything from crying oceans to sleeping alot to escape the pain. first your crying, than your angry, than your back to crying, it,s all part of the healing process. talking to us who know from experince what a nightmare your going through, is a big help, i wish they had this kind of support 13 years ago, but back than it was all hushed under the rug. this group of people here, have a lot of love, and alot of advice on how to cope. i,m so sorry for you, i can just invision what you went and are going through. when you think you cant take it anymore, remember baby steps is progress, one day, one hour, one min, one sec, at a time, you,ll eventually move forward. i know right now that doesnt seem possible, but you are hun, numb, and full of pain, your reaching out, and we're reaching back. we're all in this together, you need us, we're here for you. be kind to yourself, as time does heal all wounds. remember always she,s with god now, and it,s not goodbye forever, it,s just see ya round the bend. you,ll see her again luv, when it,s your time. make a memorial to her, write down your feelings, and dont be afraid to ask for help. this is a very difficult time for you, my heart goes out to you, because i do know exactly how you feel. and i wouldnt wish that on anyone. i,m here, people in this group are here, we do care!!! godbles, and know you are not alone

Permalink Reply by Jody's Mom on April 20, 2010 at 8:19am

ANN said:

On June 27,1993, I lost my 16 year old daughter, they told me she shot herself when I went to pick her up she wanted to go and be with friends. People can be so cruel about rumors about what they would have done, when you have lost your child there is no worst pain you can have nobody can say they know how you feel untill you have been there , it is not easy living life knowing they are gone.I have ask so many people "WHY" nobody has the an answer, We have a hurt that is so hard to explain , we cry ,we yell . People who spread rumors about the ones that are hurting so bad don't have any respect for anybody including themselves ,I was told ugly rumors when I lost my daughter too, I cried and cried and don't go around them anymore , It gets a little easier to live with and time goes on but the hurt is always there , and we will never forget them because they are still a part of our lives we remember the laughs , jokes , and the fun we had with them ,I thank god for giving 16 wonderful years with my little girl , I know shes up in heaven now I want to do whats right because I want to see her again oneday .

Permalink Reply by KHunk on April 20, 2010 at 10:30am

Dear Sarah,
I know nothing I can say will make it easier for you right now. My son took his life May 9, 2008 at 18. We had no signs either, he was drinking (too much) with friends. He got into an argument with his girlfriend, drove up the road and shot himself. I too have heard ugly rumors in the last 2 years. What I have come to realize is this - it doesn't matter what people say- I know my son. And when it comes right down to it, it doesn't even matter why, knowing isn't going to bring your daughter or my son back.
I can't tell you that the pain goes away, but hopefully you can find some comfort knowing that dealing with the pain does get easier as time goes by. We are all here for you and we understand your pain.

Light a Candle in Memory of a Loved One
CircleOfLifeOnline.com
Heartfelt Gifts in Memory of Our Loved Ones