On August 31,2009, I lost the most important person in my life. My dear friend and companion. He felt as though, he had no other recourse than to take his own life. I was blinded not to be able to see his cry for help. Now, I look back and I can somewhat see where I was blinded. I do however still carry the burden of feeling guilty. I thought that I could save him from this terrible thing called "GAMBLIG". If I had only had taken more time to talk,listen and comfort him, I'd still have him with me today. I ask myself and tell myself these things everyday. I wish that I could backup time and do so many things differently, but I can't. how do I go on with my everyday life and not hurt and feel guilty?

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all things have a time and a place it is not our choice when theses things will take place and sometimes we get angry guilty hurt its ok that just your heart letting you no its there that you have one take a breath and put one foot in front of the other and no its ok to feel you are human good luck and god bless
Hi, I am so sorry for your loss. I to have lost one of the most important persons in my life to suicide. It has been years now but I still at times, frequently feel guilty. I should have listened more closely etc. But, then I need to remind myself that had I known, I know I would have interveined. I remind myself everyday of the wonderful and fun times we had that will never be forgotten. I also have thought that if I would have listened closer and been there more, maybe he would still be here. I will never know that. I cannot change what has happened. I can hopefully remind others of how wonderful he was. My thoughts are with you. Can you think of all the times you were there for him? I try and remind myself of this also. Keep in touch .
thank you Becky for your kind and true words. I know that I'm suppose to go on and remember the good times, the happy times but, for me now it seems too early to begin anew. I'm having his memorial this weekend. i'm thinking that maybe it'll start to be a little more easy after this is over, like I can try to look more on the bright side. I know that my dear friend would'nt want me to cry forever. He always said"keep moving forward" and I'm going to do just that. Thanks again Becky

Becky said:
Hi, I am so sorry for your loss. I to have lost one of the most important persons in my life to suicide. It has been years now but I still at times, frequently feel guilty. I should have listened more closely etc. But, then I need to remind myself that had I known, I know I would have interveined. I remind myself everyday of the wonderful and fun times we had that will never be forgotten. I also have thought that if I would have listened closer and been there more, maybe he would still be here. I will never know that. I cannot change what has happened. I can hopefully remind others of how wonderful he was. My thoughts are with you. Can you think of all the times you were there for him? I try and remind myself of this also. Keep in touch .
Donna,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how extremely painfull it can be to go on with life. I have experienced the same pain recently, on September 11, 2009. I lost my best friend and love of my life to a gambling addiction. I thought I would always have those, what could I have done differently, questions. Ill always wonder why. After doing an extensive search as to why certain individuals commit suicide, gambling addiction and depression, I now have a better understanding as to why I couldn't help my loved one. My pain will always be there, but I feel comforted by knowing there was probably nothing I could do differenty.Time will be our source of healing.
Deanna
guilt is normal with ANY death...there's even a textbook name for it, called "survivor's guilt". It wouldn't matter how a person died you could come up with ways to have averted it in your own mind. But the truth is, we are not in control of another person's life and death. We cannot make their choices for them. I lost my son to suicide 6 yrs. ago. I have had tremendous guilt for "good" reasons I could list for you and you might even agree with me. But, I can't live with that guilt and the accusations in my head. I mean, I could sort of live but not really live! I want to go on in honor of my son because he was worth it. He put up a valiant fight against depression and he just had to go home. Getting back to the guilt though, I have had to accept the forgiveness offered to me in Christ. Christ came and lived a perfect life in our place and we are totally forgiven. It's not wise to pick up the guilt again after such a price was paid on our behalf. It's a gift that should be accepted gladly and once and for all. Don't let the accusations swim back into your head, listen to the TRUTH. Find a good Christian, Bible based church and pick up your Bible and start reading. That is where you will find what you are longing for, I promise.
Donna,
You have been very proactive with your grief, creating this site for all of us here to grieve to share. I understand the guilt, I get it. Wish I could get my heart 2 listen to my head, cause I know we dont deserve it. Could you or I or anyone else else truly change the outcomes of our loved ones lives...I dont think so, I think they were already gone. The depression far out weighed their natural instinct 2 survive, it was only a matter of time. Who knows how hard or long they tried, all we know for sure is they arent suffering anymore. I gotta believe that they are in a better place and that we will one day be together again. Big Hug ((Donna))
depression is a disease and you cant cure cancer and you cant make someone want to live. i know this because my mom tried to kill herself 22 times in two years befor succeding. i found her every time and got her treatment in and out of hospitals and therapy told her i loved her everyday and ment it from the bottom of my heart. she even would write in her diary that i found later i was the only thing that made her want to live, but in the end my love couldnt save her and i found her to late one day and she had taken her life. i felt tons of guilt for a long time because i had a feeling i should call in at work that day, but i realized their was nothing i could do. so i thank God 4 the time i got with her, and she was amazing she really was. im glad she could finally rest her body and mind!

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