My wife took her life on March 8th, 07. That was just one day before her 33rd birthday. It is almost 3 years later and I still have not completely let go. tthere are times i want to sit hold her picture and cry. for the first 6-8 months I drank morning till night. I became an alcoholic. I tried to take my own life I have never really had any kind of counseling other then A.A. I realised one day that I was not the person that crystal had married, due to the constant alcohol consumption. I decided to sober up and put myself in a residential treatment facility. I am clean and sober today but not really truelly happy. I want to move forward with my life. I want to make her proud, I just dont know how.

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Ron, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my brother 6 1/2 years ago to suicide and several friends (2 in the past 2 weeks). Unfortuantely drinking just covers up the pain as you probably know but I admire your honesty and courage to get help. My husband has 26 years sober and he has stood by me through all my pain. You are moving forward with your life, you are taking care of you. Im sure that she is proud of you. The twelve step program is an excellent way to have a relationship with a HP who can help you get through anything. You have to work the program and work it everyday. You dont have to let go, you can embrace the memories and embrace the love you had for her, that she was in your life and a special part of it. Hold her picture and cry, its healing and good to do. Its okay , you will stop crying and you will cry again. Easy does it, one day at a time. will keep you in my prayers. Lisa
I do not think we ever completely let go. You seem to be working on moving forward with your life. And I think you are making your wife proud. Have you talked with others in AA who have grief. Is anyone ever truly happy. I think it comes and goes. Have you accepted yourself at "where you are right now in your recovery" Sometimes we push ourselves way too much.
But hey- I still have much growing up to do myself !!!
Peace be with you,
ISA
Dear Ron,
On sept 28th my fiance commited suicide. He was 37 years old and had a smile that melted your heart. I finally met the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I am 46 years old. My world came crashing down, the pain I feel is unbearable some days. I can not be angry at him. I can not imagine the pain and turmoil he was in. That is what hurts me the most. It hurts me that he could not talk to me and tell me he was feeling this way. I think constantly only if he came to me. I do know to move on will take alot of willpower. I have good days and really bad days BUT we need to do what we need to do. I hope with support prayer and fortitude I will survive this. We all falter....we just have to be strong enough to reach out for help. Hope this finds you well
Ron,
my wife completed suicide April 4th 2008 I often feel numb, and deny that Denise committed suicide. Sometimes I go to great lengths to persuade myself that the death was accidental.. On top of this, I experience the emotion of guilt, fear, anger, and personal failure. When I reached that point, I knew I needed help. I joined SoS (SURVIVOR OF SUICIDE) YOU WILL move on but there is no timetable for going it . And you already made your wife proud of you for getting and staying Sober. Take Care
Dan
I am so sorry for the lost of your wife through suicide.

My fiance ended his life 8/15/02. That is the day that changed my life forever. We never get "over" this but we can have a "new normal."

Missing your wife is normal. It has been 7 years for me and I still miss Bob. I have his pictures in each room of my house. He is still a person of my life and memory. Now I am open to having a relationship if it comes along without feeling I would be "cheating" on our love. He wanted me to have someone in my life and not be alone. Bob left a long suicide letter to me. I don't think any of the people who left would want us alone unless it was by our choice.

I don't cry every day as I did in the beginning. I don't experience the "body slams" of thinking it just happened all over again. I can have happy memories of our time together. He was the love of my life. He showed me what true love could be and for that I will always be thankful.

If I had it all to do over again and knew what I do now I still would have Bob in my life for the joy and love he brought into my life.

It will be easier. It has only been 3 years for you. I can remember when it was only 3 years for me too and it still was difficult.

I would highly recommend a suicide group that has helped me tremendously. They remember the heaven date of Bob and his birthday and my birthday. It is ONLY for people who have lost a partner to suicide. SOLOS-partners@yahoogroups.com
We have had retreats too and I have attended one of them.

Know it will get better.
HUGS
Ann in Nashville
anntnwv@aol.com
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UWx-shGM0g
Suicide is not chosen....
It happens when pain exceeds resources
for coping with pain.

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