Im so sorry.I dont know if you could of changed the outcome or prolonged it. I know that if we could,of all of us here would of. Unfortunately its not like that.
What I do know is that with time and I mean alot of time, it will get easier,and the pain wont be as sharp as it is right now.
Today is the 7th year anniversary of my brothers death.I never imagined that I would still be on a forum talking about my loss, but here I am. Im not alone and you are not alone, and there will always be someone,somewhere, who knows exactly what you are going thru.
I hope you have the love and support of family and good friends,keep talking,and be gentle with yourself.
It is going on two months since i lost my only big brother who meant the world to me. I cry alot and it is so hard for me to believe that i have to live without him. My life is completely different now because he was my best friend. I am only twenty -two and we shared so many memories together that is now cut short. Throughout the pass two months i learned to heal myself by praising him. I praise my brother for being an educated African American male like your son and since they were both in the military i know they left heavy trademarks. My brother was only 23 years old and he was a veteran in the Army and he continued his military career in the Air Force reserve. The other day my brothers team in Iraq flew a flag on the airplane and presented it to my sister when they got back to base in Minnosota. The thought of someone else praising my brother shows how much influence he had in the world. I salute your son for being brave and i honor his accomplishments. I had to understand that my brother pass over at a very young age but he alway told me that he have done more in his twenty three years of living than most people do in their entire life. I survive everyday by preparing myself to know that his physical present will be absent. I make myself look forward to knowing that he will not be present when Thanksgiving arrive so the pain will not be as hard to bear. I am also learning to cope by sharing my brother's story to heal other people. When i inform people that my brother committed suicide i become a voice in the Black community. People began to lean on me and share their stories about their love ones that are suffering from depression or any other illness that can possibly lead to suicide. I now consider my brother not only a great big brother but he is a hero in my eyes. I was told by older adults to never admit that my brother committed suicide because it is rare it happens in the Black comminuty but i learned that suicide is not a weakness but a illness. The military have several numbers that you can contact for support. I pray that you stay strong mother and surround yourself with people that will embrace you with godly love and with tons of hugs and kisses.