Hello,
My name is Gretchen and I found my boyfriend of 5 years hanging from the trellis 3 months ago tonight. It was the worst nightmare of my life and I still think of it every waking hour. My heart still hurts like it was yesterday. The holidays and my everyday life will never be the same again:( I am 32 and I have to start all over again and I just hope I can:( RIP Kurt you will always be the love of my life :(

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Replies to This Discussion

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I know you are in a lot of pain especially during the holidays but he is with you in sprit. You will come to feel this more as time continues.

Yes you will be able to move on and you must. You will have days were you are angry, lonely, understand why. But this is all normal have begun to learn . You are greiving and it is so very normal. We are here to help each other when you need to share the pain. But when you get off the site, laugh, find a different hobby, join a gym meet different friends etc.. Fill up your time because if you have to much time this will not help.

I am here if you ever need me. I will pray for you.

Trish
Thank You Trish, I think I already feel that he is helping me and I hope he always watches over me and makes sure that the next person I meet is better and will treat me better than ever before cause I deserve that. I don't ever want him to stop being my angel that protects me from afar, because there is no way I would be so strong right now without his help. But, my heart still hurts like it was yesterday :(
It is so fresh in you heart and soul right now. It will get easier as every day goes by. It has been over 2 yrs. for me and I don't hurt as I did the first yr. etc...

We are all put on this earth so longer then others. When I begin to think of what could have been I think of what was. Not the end which was so tramatic for me and all of us on this site.

Life is so short but we have to remember that we were all but on this earth for a reason. You were in his life and you meant a lot to him as well. You enjoy the holidays because he is looking down at you and wanting you to be happy. Don't disappoint him : ).

Trish

Gretchen said:
Thank You Trish, I think I already feel that he is helping me and I hope he always watches over me and makes sure that the next person I meet is better and will treat me better than ever before cause I deserve that. I don't ever want him to stop being my angel that protects me from afar, because there is no way I would be so strong right now without his help. But, my heart still hurts like it was yesterday :(
Thanks it's gonna be really hard to enjoy the holidays, but I know he will be watching over me too. May I ask what happened to you if you don't mind ??
Gretchen do u write my story? only with different date, my fiancee took his life in July 4th but he didn't know that he took my life with him, everything is sadness, that is why I can feel your pain and I'm so sorry for your lost!
He was just 32 and I'm 30. I wish I can said something good for you, something that makes you happy.
Eva it is amazing that so many have similar experiences. And I agree that he took part of my life and love with him but not all of it. And although my heart still hurts and aches for him . I know that it is big enough to be able to love again one day, and I know my boyfriend will make sure I get treated better than ever next time. I am 32 and my boyfriend turned 30 on July 7th. If you would like to chat more I am also on aol, You can email me at midnight2200@aol.com . Please keep in touch I believe that we can learn so much from others that went through similar circumstances.
Hi Gretchen,
Im sorry for your loss of Kurt. I really feel for those who find them. Im so sorry. I can only imagine. I understand from other survivors that that horrible image somehow softens in time and gradually is replaced by nicer memories. This loss is so new, please be gentle with yourself. Yes you can start over and you can be happy with your life again at some point but as you already know this loss has changed you, it changes us all. I found strength and comfort among other survivors of suicide. You do whatever you feel is best for you right now ok. There is no right or wrong way to grieve nor time limits for "getting" over it. If you hear stuff like you should be over it by now, you are hearing that from people who have no idea what they are talking about..and lucky for them they dont. This is a safe place, Im glad you found it but sorry you have reason to.
Sue

Trish said:
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I know you are in a lot of pain especially during the holidays but he is with you in sprit. You will come to feel this more as time continues.

Yes you will be able to move on and you must. You will have days were you are angry, lonely, understand why. But this is all normal have begun to learn . You are greiving and it is so very normal. We are here to help each other when you need to share the pain. But when you get off the site, laugh, find a different hobby, join a gym meet different friends etc.. Fill up your time because if you have to much time this will not help.

I am here if you ever need me. I will pray for you.

Trish
Im so sorry for your loss, I lost my husband the same way 7 months and 17 days ago. We were going through a divorce, or at least talking about it. I have 2 children with him 8 and 2 yr old daughters. I know personally I dont have any advice to offer you at this point but I do feel that it gets easier. I look back on the last 7 months and ask myself where was I. I dont recall what I did or anything. Its like a bad dream and Im living outside of my body. Hard to explain but as time goes on I think you will understand what I mean. Its the worst thing anyone will have to go through, losing another. I try to keep hope but sometimes its so hard. I look at my daughters and they are honestly the only thing that keeps me going. Im 26 yrs old and I met him when I was 14yrs old we were together 11 yrs well wouldve been this past new years. He was the love on my life. This may be a little personal and if it is forgive me but did you guys have any issues or did he talk about ever doing it. We had issues and he talked about it but he was so outgoing you would never know that he was depressed, so his whole family blames me but his one aunt and mom. Lots of horrible things have been done and said to me. Just wondering if that is happening to you as well. I just wanted to tell you that I was sorry for your loss and you can email me anytime.
I'm so sorry to hear that Gretchen. I am going thru the same thing. My boyfriend Michael shot himself in the head this past Sunday.. 01/17/10. He was my life.

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