The cutting, the drinking, the depression, all the time he heiped ME. If only I could've helped HIM. Why couldn't I HELP him? I loved him so much! Still do. Now I'm losing my mind and doing self-harming things,not physical, but I'm screwing up bad.

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Lisa,

I know how you feel. I just lost someone I really loved, and I keep asking myself why I didn't reach out, why I didn't see what would happen. Why I didn't help.

People keep telling me it wasn't my fault, but I find little solace in this. My only solace is that maybe he has finally found peace.

You just have to try to move forward, one minute, one hour, one day at a time . . . that's what I'm trying to do.
Rachael, thanks for your heart-felt reply. I really appreciate you as a person and your good advice. I'm trying right now to pick up the pieces and get o but I'm pretty shaky. I suppose it will all come together eventually though it and I will never be the same.
Yeah, it's really, really hard. I go to the funeral on Monday. People keep telling me to keep my chin up, to calm down, etc. It's just not that easy.

I keep wondering "what if," but I know that's not healthy. That's why I joined this group--to reach out and speak to others. And I'm also seeking counseling through my insurance group.

Just surround yourself with good things.
Lisa; Please seek someone who can help you. Our son left us on Dec 13, 2009. It's only been five weeks and each day seems harder. Don't let anyone tell you - to keep your chin up or calm down. How dare anyone say that when they are not standing in our shoes. I am meeting with a grief counselor who has a lot of background with suicide. I need it badly. Michael was my world for 28 years for many reasons I won't write about now, but I am lost and in so much pain I don't know what to do. But I know I have to reach out and find someone some group to help me through this. My husband and other children are hurting and I don't know how to help them. One artilce someone sent me was life-saving (mine) at the time; it told me depression that ends in suicide is like any other serious illness - like a heart attack or cancer - sometimes it kills - not our fault and certainly not our loved ones fault - they were just too sick and in too much pain. I didn't know my son hurt so badly. I do know him well enough he did not do this in his right mind. Take comfort from thoses who know exactly how you feel. I prayer that comfort surrounds both of you, Lisa and Rachel. You come first; sleep, rest, whatever healthy thing gets you through the day, for me generally it's the hour or the moment. You are both in my thoughts.
Carla,Blessings out to you and your son. I will take your advice. And you are right. People don't know unless they've been in your shoes. I feel for you, losing a child. I don't have any. Long story. Anyway, thank you so much,peace and Angel guidance always be with you. Rachael, I am thinking of you. Today is the funeral. Oh, that's so hard! My prayers go out to you too. I tried to reply earlier but my computer went down as usual. I am looking for other people who wrote. Can't seem to find them. But I want to and I appreciate very much. I'll Keep trying but have to work today. Luke never had a service. No closure.
It was very hard today. But his parents were plain about everything that happened, and knowing everything (well, that we can know) helped a lot. I am seeing a therapist tomorrow and joined a local support group that will meet next week. I think talking to others helps so much.
I'm glad you are getting more support! Talking to others does help a lot hon. Keep talking. I'm sorry you're going through this. But you must have more strength than you know or you wouldn't have come through as well as you have. And I do think you're doing well though you don't feel well. Please hang on and keep your faith and hope.
DEAR LISA MARIE WAWRZYNSKI;I AM PRAYING FOR YOU TO FIND PEACE !! WE ALL FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT OUR LOST LOVED ONE - WE ALL HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS THAT WE MAY NEVER KNOW THE ANSWERS TO .WE ALL FEEL THERE WAS SURELY SOMETHING WE COULD HAVE DONE- OR WISH WE HAD DONE TO HELP OUR LOVED ONES,TO HELP PREVENT THEM FROM DOING SUCH A HORRIFYING ACT ! BUT THEY WERE A FREEWILL PERSON TO MAKE THEIR OWN CHOICES & WE COULD NOT CONTROL THEM .APPARENTLY THEIR WORLD TO THEM WAS SO DESPERATE THEY FELT THEY COULD NOT FACE IT ANYMORE .WE KNOW WHAT DEVASTATION LOSING THEM HAS DONE TO US SO WE MUST GET HOLD OF OURSELVES & TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME & ALLOW OURSELVES TO HEAL & KEEP ON GOING FOR OUR FAMILIES & FRIENDS WHO LOVE US ! WE MUST LEARN FROM THEIR DEATHS HOW PRECIOUS LIFE REALLY IS.I CARE ABT YOU & I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU - PLEASE DO NOT DO ANYTHING TO HARM YOURSELF PHYSICALLY OR EMOTIONALLY - I TOO HAVE FELT I'M LOSING MY MIND & I JUST CANNOT GO ON W/OUT MY SON RYAN - BUT I HAVE 4 OTHER CHILDREN TO LIVE FOR & GRANDCHILDREN & A LOVING HUSBAND THAT NEEDS ME TOO .PLEASE TALK TO SOMEONE & DON'T SPEND TIME ALONE . GOD BLESS YOU & KNOW YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS PAIN . SADLY THERE SEEMS TO BE MANY OF US GOING THRU THE SAME KIND OF SUFFERING .KEEP WRITING ON HERE & LET YOUR THOUGHTS OUT & IT WILL HELP YOU - IT HAS HELPED ME A LOT !!
Dear Del Rogers thank you for your heart-felt SO kind reply 17 hours ago. I saw it just now. I can't say I will ever get over losing Luke but I am starting to understand that life was just "too much" for him.The world is a tough place. That's why those of us left behind need to be kind to each other and we need to forgive and pray for those that left us also. Prayers all around! They come back to you. Everything you give comes back to you I believe. So I am Sending my Best to you and yours and everyone else in this kind of horrible distress of shock,grief, and depression. I am so SORRY! Please take care of yourselves or find someone to take care of you. I really care. God Bless,Angels guide and comfort.

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