My sister-in-law hung herself 4 years ago. I was and still am devastated over losing her. I am having a hard time right now because her daughter will be having her first baby soon without her mom. But you know what, she does live on in our hearts. Keep Jerry alive in your heart and you'll always be with him. If you take a
moment and close your eyes you'll see that he is
with you too. Sure, you can't see him but I'm sure you can feel him from time to time. You're right. I'm sure all of our loved ones want to see us happy. I remember feeling guilty for laughing. But someone told me it's okay to laugh. Laugh and cry at the same time if you need to. I had another family member that was going through a rough time and said we would all be okay if she chose to take her life that we had proved that through losing Teisha that we could make it. Like I told her. We haven't "made" it. We struggle every day dealing with our loss. I told her to remember how she felt losing Teisha and to look at how it has effected everyone. I asked her if she wanted to put everyone through that even more. She agreed that she did not and that day she called to get help. She's her bubbling little self today. Live your life. Live through your struggles. Make Jerry smile in heaven. Don't give up.
I am so sorry for your loss! There are no words that can be said to explain what we feel when we loose someone this way. My Dad took his life last January and I have struggled over the last year to just function every day. I know that for me turning to my friends and my faith have been crutial to my getting throught the last year. Let the people that love you be there for you. Also know that you will need patience with them because what they may not realize is how different this grief is. THis is not normal grief! It is mixed with pain, hurt, confussion and questions that will never be answered. Know that all of your feelings are normal!!! Don't carry this alone find someone to help you through this. This board is great but we cannot give you a hug when you need it and you will need it find someone who can. Trust me when I saw you will find strength you never knew you had. The day I found out my Dad was gone was the worst day of my life. I never thought i would make it through the dark but I did and you will too. Don't give up and if you find yourself sinking to fast and to deep reach out for help. If there was a lesson to learn from my Dad's actions it was to not keep my feelings buried and to let others help carry me on days I cannot carry myself. You will get through this, hang in there and know that Jerry is with you in your heart and he will be waiting for you when the time comes.
Sorry hun that you find yourself in this place, but know it is a place for healing. Surviving the unimaginable takes time and support and for some faith. I chose to journey with other survivors and leaned on close family and friends. I also sought help from my doctor for the things I could not control. Your Jerry, my brother all suffered from a disease. A break in the mind. I believe god is a way more forgiving and an understanding god than some people of religion profess regarding suicide. To each there own I guess, but I refuse to believe that my brother is anywhere else besides heaven. I am not a follower of any particular religion these are just my beliefs. We also do not know my brothers exact death day. Unlike CSI on tv there is no real way to know exactly the hour or day but rather its an educated guess. Anyway, didnt mean to go on, just know you are not alone and its a safe place here for all, keep talking it really does help.