Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by SUE on February 11, 2010 at 5:37pm

I say do it. Im sorry for your loss. Surviving suicide is akin to surviving a concentration camp someone once said. Reach out, be vocal. If the offers of support are there take it. This is not the time to try it alone. Aside from well meaning friends look for a support group or therapist. It really does help being with others who have travelled down the same road, and sadly there are alot of us. Its with a heavy heart that I welcome you here.
((Hugs))
Sue

Permalink Reply by G on February 14, 2010 at 11:18pm

Dear Terri,

I feel that you should be calling on people who offered their support. I'm sure that they really meant it when they said to call them. There are a lot of people out there that are sincere and wonderful who want to help you. I bet a lot of them have been in your shoes. It makes people feel good to help others.
I know that it helps me to call others when I am sad. I feel that you need to ask for as much help as you need. Let people be there for you. You deserve it. You have been through a difficult time. I am sure you must really miss your husband. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

G

Permalink Reply by Nan on March 9, 2010 at 9:02pm

Terri~
It has been over a year since my husbamd of 15 years took his own life and left me with three young boys to raise. I still call on my core support group. The first people I called after family. The people who would come homw ith me at night after being in the hospital all day, and stay until I couldn't hold my eyes open. They nag me and call me if they have not heard from me in a weeks time. Life may feel like it is so uncertain, but right now you live minute by minute and do what you have to. I can not sit here and tell you it gets easier, because I am still trying to figure that out. But use your support group and let them help you. Its hard to lean on people, but right now you need to lean on whomever you can. Take care of yourself!
Nan

Permalink Reply by Cozette on March 10, 2010 at 9:42am

Dear Terri, It is SO important to reach out to those who have offered help. Do reach out to your group. Take their offers at face value, they meant it. To be able to sit with a friend and talk , cry , express how you feel is so healing. Do you have a suicide survivors group to go to? THey are all over the country, you can find them at www.afsp.com. Go to the support group listings. The groups are all survivors, they will understand how you feel.

Permalink Reply by Yvonne Hess on March 10, 2010 at 12:32pm

Terri,
I'm sorry for your loss. You do need to talk so try them one by one. If it gets to be to much for them, then seek professional counseling. God bless and guide you, your not alone unless you want to be.

Permalink Reply by Katmagootoo on March 17, 2010 at 7:42am

Hi Terri,

So sorry about your husband's death.

Yes - call on your support friends who offer you their support. That's the reason people get together for support. It is healing. It is necessary. It is life saving. Sure they feel sorry for you...the KNOW your pain. I know your pain - keep going to the meetings.

Dr. Alan Wolfelt just released a book called Understanding Your Suicide Grief that many in my support group have found helpful. You can probably find it on line.

Don't be afraid to ask people for help...they want to help. Even if it's taking down the Christmas lights, or moving a box...they need to help. Sometimes, they're afraid to keep asking...thinking it will cause you pain. Sometimes, they think your doing ok because that's the face we put on around others...they won't know you're hurting, angry, confused, sad, overwhelmed if you don't share. Don't be afraid to say "My mind just can't wrap around paying these bills - I would love for you to sit down with me and help me for an hour." The suicide has already made you soooo very vulnerable, let those who offer you help you.

Have a peaceful day, Terri <3

Permalink Reply by Juanita on April 17, 2010 at 3:37pm

I lost my husband in 2008 , he shot himself in my arms and I can tell you it will get better but then all at once ;you will see something that reminds you of him and the tears will flow again. I was better until this past November we lost my daughter's husband of 2 years to sickness and it seems I have gotten lost again myself but I know I can make it. I pray a lot and had friends and a brother and sister that helped me a lot. They had their hands full for a while. Honey let me tell you that you have some hard lonely days ahead but there will be a sort of peace after a while. I will keep you in my prayers because I have been there. This I do promise and I am just not saying that. May God give you the comfort and peace he promises us. Juanita

Permalink Reply by Sue M on April 18, 2010 at 8:23am

Terri,
Call your support group. Even if you need them 5 or 10 times a day, call them. That is what they are there for, especially being this is so new and you are hurting so much. Remember many of those in the group have been right where you are now and can identify with what you are going through.
I am so sorry that you are going through this and maybe I am feeling sorry for your loss does not mean I am pitying you, big difference.
This was not your fault and when someone has decided that they want to end their life, and are determined, there isn't an intervention that will work.
Call your group, talk to them, cry with them. They are there for you.. Eventually, you will begin to feel better, you'll never forget your husband but you will work through this.. YOU are NOT a burden.
Sue M

Permalink Reply by gerry kukene on May 8, 2010 at 8:37pm

sorry for your loss it has been 3 and a half years since i lost my son i talked to anyone that would listen and it helped a lot. and if it were not for support groups i dont think i would be able to be writing about it now and now if anyone needs help i am there. give it some time see a grief counselor survivors of suicide group and get all you can get out of it .good luck this is the best that i can say for rite now

Permalink Reply by denise curry on May 8, 2010 at 10:01pm

Terri, please know there's nothing you should say or need to say. You will need
alot of support from well meaning friends/family. I know, I lost my husband two
years ago to this horrific way to die called "suicide". I wish you so much love
and peace too. I could say a ton more but just wanted you to know I'm thinking
of you at this most devastating time in your life.

Permalink Reply by Vicki on October 29, 2010 at 8:36pm

my husband ben killed himself just four days ago,by shooting himself,in the head.i know the pain,and greif,are great,i had just separated from him 2 days prior,so obviously,i feel great guilt,and sadness,he was a good man,didn't abuse me,but i just didn't love him the way a wife should love a husband,i thought he,and i both deserved happiness,well as life would have it,that's impossible for him,and i feel will never happen for me either.h
he was a good friend i will forever miss,and hold him dear,in my heart,may he rest in peace..... i hope you are doing better,and that everyday,it gets a little easier for you