Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by SUE on February 12, 2010 at 5:32pm

Liz,
Its understandable that you would be affected by the suicide of someone you barely knew, simply because it was someone you met and now they are gone. Its confusing and an unnatural and your first experience with a death. That said, putting momentos in a box to stop you from dwelling on his passing is a sign. I believe that you need to find some help to deal with these issues. Maby a grief councellor or doctor. Im not saying that there is anything wrong but just that this being the first loss in your life, you may need and could benefit from that added support.
Sue

Permalink Reply by Liz on February 12, 2010 at 9:55pm

Thanks for the advice, but seeing a grief councellor or doctor just isn't possible right now.

SUE said:

Liz,
Its understandable that you would be affected by the suicide of someone you barely knew, simply because it was someone you met and now they are gone. Its confusing and an unnatural and your first experience with a death. That said, putting momentos in a box to stop you from dwelling on his passing is a sign. I believe that you need to find some help to deal with these issues. Maby a grief councellor or doctor. Im not saying that there is anything wrong but just that this being the first loss in your life, you may need and could benefit from that added support.
Sue

Permalink Reply by SUE on February 13, 2010 at 12:03am

Ok Liz,
If not possible now perhaps later. Have you considered your school school councelor? Otherwise, my best advice to you would be to keep talking to fellow survivors, write down as much as you can about what you are feeling, about him, it can be very theraputic . By sending those items away to not think about him I believe only proplongs the process, you need to work thru it. I wrote a post here awhile bck Suicide Survivors I hope this helps. Try to search it out here. You may find it helpful and some things may feel familiar to you. You can and will move beyond this, it takes time. I hope you keep your family close and advise them of the situation, so they understand whats going on with you. Maby they can help too.
Sue

Permalink Reply by Joanne A. on February 13, 2010 at 5:47am

Yes Liz, I think you did the right thing. Its not easy to lose someone to suicide. If any of Eric's stuff made you sad and depressed its best to put it away untill you feel better and can handle looking at them.
God be with you.
Love, Joanne.

Permalink Reply by Liz on February 13, 2010 at 6:38am

No, I don't think you understand. I'm homeschooled, I don't have a school councelor. My parents don't know what's going on, I'm really good at hiding my emotions, and if I can't, then I'm also a good liar. My parents didn't even drive me to his funeral, I had to get a ride with my sister. I talked to my sister once about what's been going on. She moved out a few months before he died. My sister told me she didn't know what to say, and that she didn't know what advice to give. I used to write him letters all the time. She told me I shouldn't do that, unless it's helping. Since my sister was unable to help at all, I have no one to turn to. The friend I gave the box to is my best friend, and I talk to him all the time about Eric. But sometimes, even though he doesn't complain, I feel like I'm wasting his time. He'll listen to me talk about him for an hour and not say a word, just let me go on and on. And it helps to talk about it. But I don't know what to do next, and I don't have anyone who can help. I feel like I've made a huge mess out of my life by letting myself get this lost in grief. And I don't know how to clean it up.

SUE said:

Ok Liz,
If not possible now perhaps later. Have you considered your school school councelor? Otherwise, my best advice to you would be to keep talking to fellow survivors, write down as much as you can about what you are feeling, about him, it can be very theraputic . By sending those items away to not think about him I believe only proplongs the process, you need to work thru it. I wrote a post here awhile bck Suicide Survivors I hope this helps. Try to search it out here. You may find it helpful and some things may feel familiar to you. You can and will move beyond this, it takes time. I hope you keep your family close and advise them of the situation, so they understand whats going on with you. Maby they can help too.
Sue

Permalink Reply by SUE on February 13, 2010 at 7:03am

Wow, ok I understand a little better now. Joanne is right about the box. When you are ready you can sort thru it. When you are ready. Liz I know this feels like it is never going to get any easier, but it will. If the writing helps write. We all grieve differently, keep talking. Im sorry about the loss of your friend. Im going to find my old post and pull it up,in the hopes you get something useful from it.
((Hugs))

Liz said:

No, I don't think you understand. I'm homeschooled, I don't have a school councelor. My parents don't know what's going on, I'm really good at hiding my emotions, and if I can't, then I'm also a good liar. My parents didn't even drive me to his funeral, I had to get a ride with my sister. I talked to my sister once about what's been going on. She moved out a few months before he died. My sister told me she didn't know what to say, and that she didn't know what advice to give. I used to write him letters all the time. She told me I shouldn't do that, unless it's helping. Since my sister was unable to help at all, I have no one to turn to. The friend I gave the box to is my best friend, and I talk to him all the time about Eric. But sometimes, even though he doesn't complain, I feel like I'm wasting his time. He'll listen to me talk about him for an hour and not say a word, just let me go on and on. And it helps to talk about it. But I don't know what to do next, and I don't have anyone who can help. I feel like I've made a huge mess out of my life by letting myself get this lost in grief. And I don't know how to clean it up.

SUE said:

Ok Liz,
If not possible now perhaps later. Have you considered your school school councelor? Otherwise, my best advice to you would be to keep talking to fellow survivors, write down as much as you can about what you are feeling, about him, it can be very theraputic . By sending those items away to not think about him I believe only proplongs the process, you need to work thru it. I wrote a post here awhile bck Suicide Survivors I hope this helps. Try to search it out here. You may find it helpful and some things may feel familiar to you. You can and will move beyond this, it takes time. I hope you keep your family close and advise them of the situation, so they understand whats going on with you. Maby they can help too.
Sue

Permalink Reply by Liz on February 13, 2010 at 7:15am

I've always had suicide on my mind. Ever since I can remember, I've considered doing it, and have even attemped it several times but each time something stops me. I was going to try again, and I thought it out and planned it so that no one could stop me this time. And the night I was going to do it, on December 26th 2008, I found out Eric had shot himself on December 23rd. I still think about it all the time. I can't help myself. I want to do it so badly. But my friend who I gave the box to, he told me that if I killed myself, he wouldn't be able to stand it and would end up doing it too. I want him to be happy. And I think that without me, he could be. Idk why he still hangs with me. I'm always so depressed.

SUE said:

Wow, ok I understand a little better now. Joanne is right about the box. When you are ready you can sort thru it. When you are ready. Liz I know this feels like it is never going to get any easier, but it will. If the writing helps write. We all grieve differently, keep talking. Im sorry about the loss of your friend. Im going to find my old post and pull it up,in the hopes you get something useful from it.
((Hugs))

Liz said:

Permalink Reply by SUE on February 13, 2010 at 9:46am

Liz,
Big Hug
Listen love you need to really get some help. I mean that. Go to the hospital and find a support program or something through the mental health. I understand that you dont want anyone to know but seriously your life matters. I get it that your friends death has amped up those feelings of depression and suicidal thoughts. There is also a suicide hotline you can try. Google suicide prevention. Tell someone who loves you, what about mom? Liz I commend you on your fight, I want you to keep fighting but please please get active in finding that help. We all need it from time to time ok. Unfortunately this site isnt for suicide prevention. We all here have suffered unimaginable pain from suicide loss and are too fragile to deal with those who wish to attempt it. I hope you understand. Liz, my heart breaks thinking you could fall victim to this terrible disease please see a professional, talk to your mom or sister or dad or whomever you value. Dont just go it alone ok.
Wishing you much love and support during this very difficult time.
Sue

Liz said:

I've always had suicide on my mind. Ever since I can remember, I've considered doing it, and have even attemped it several times but each time something stops me. I was going to try again, and I thought it out and planned it so that no one could stop me this time. And the night I was going to do it, on December 26th 2008, I found out Eric had shot himself on December 23rd. I still think about it all the time. I can't help myself. I want to do it so badly. But my friend who I gave the box to, he told me that if I killed myself, he wouldn't be able to stand it and would end up doing it too. I want him to be happy. And I think that without me, he could be. Idk why he still hangs with me. I'm always so depressed.

SUE said:

Wow, ok I understand a little better now. Joanne is right about the box. When you are ready you can sort thru it. When you are ready. Liz I know this feels like it is never going to get any easier, but it will. If the writing helps write. We all grieve differently, keep talking. Im sorry about the loss of your friend. Im going to find my old post and pull it up,in the hopes you get something useful from it.
((Hugs))

Liz said:

Permalink Reply by SUE on February 13, 2010 at 10:33am

Liz I looked for some information that might help you. I didnt want to leave you with nothing so I hope if need be that this info might be of some value. One other thing, I mentioned seeing a doctor earlier. What if your depression could be lessened or controlled? You may only need antidepression pills. Obviously that and therapy would be best but its a start.
Crisis and Support Numbers
1-800-273-8255(Talk)
or 1-800-784-2433(suicide)
Sue

SUE said:

Liz,
Big Hug
Listen love you need to really get some help. I mean that. Go to the hospital and find a support program or something through the mental health. I understand that you dont want anyone to know but seriously your life matters. I get it that your friends death has amped up those feelings of depression and suicidal thoughts. There is also a suicide hotline you can try. Google suicide prevention. Tell someone who loves you, what about mom? Liz I commend you on your fight, I want you to keep fighting but please please get active in finding that help. We all need it from time to time ok. Unfortunately this site isnt for suicide prevention. We all here have suffered unimaginable pain from suicide loss and are too fragile to deal with those who wish to attempt it. I hope you understand. Liz, my heart breaks thinking you could fall victim to this terrible disease please see a professional, talk to your mom or sister or dad or whomever you value. Dont just go it alone ok.
Wishing you much love and support during this very difficult time.
Sue

Liz said:

I've always had suicide on my mind. Ever since I can remember, I've considered doing it, and have even attemped it several times but each time something stops me. I was going to try again, and I thought it out and planned it so that no one could stop me this time. And the night I was going to do it, on December 26th 2008, I found out Eric had shot himself on December 23rd. I still think about it all the time. I can't help myself. I want to do it so badly. But my friend who I gave the box to, he told me that if I killed myself, he wouldn't be able to stand it and would end up doing it too. I want him to be happy. And I think that without me, he could be. Idk why he still hangs with me. I'm always so depressed.

SUE said:

Wow, ok I understand a little better now. Joanne is right about the box. When you are ready you can sort thru it. When you are ready. Liz I know this feels like it is never going to get any easier, but it will. If the writing helps write. We all grieve differently, keep talking. Im sorry about the loss of your friend. Im going to find my old post and pull it up,in the hopes you get something useful from it.
((Hugs))

Liz said:

Permalink Reply by Liz on February 13, 2010 at 12:32pm

This is exactly why I can't talk to my parents or any family member about having suicidal thoughts. I have thoughts about suicide, but I would NEVER act on them. And when I try talking about that, people go crazy on me, saying I need help. I would get help, if it was possible. But it's not. Believe me, it's really not possible for me to get help at the momment. I can't talk to my parents about ANYTHING, literaly. My mom used to yell at me for acting depressed. And not in a caring way. She'd yell "Stop it with this attitude! Start acting like a HUMAN!" and that would be it. She'd other no help, just yelling. I don't even want to mention my DAD. I don't feel like I have a real family. The only "family" I have are a few really good friends. And only one friend who I can confide in with these thoguhts. I've told my best friend, Daniel, that I have these suicidal thoughts, and he got kind of freaked out, but after I told him I would never put him through the same pain I've felt from losing a friend, he calmed down. I don't think he realized that the feelings haven't stoped. I know this site isn't supposed to be for suicide prevention, and I'm not using it as a call for help or anything. I don't know why I'm using it, to be honest.

SUE said:

Liz I looked for some information that might help you. I didnt want to leave you with nothing so I hope if need be that this info might be of some value. One other thing, I mentioned seeing a doctor earlier. What if your depression could be lessened or controlled? You may only need antidepression pills. Obviously that and therapy would be best but its a start.
Crisis and Support Numbers
1-800-273-8255(Talk)
or 1-800-784-2433(suicide)
Sue

SUE said:

Permalink Reply by SUE on February 13, 2010 at 6:30pm

Liz,
I hope I didnt sound condescending. I for one welcome you here. I am not judging you,Im only responding to what sounded like a cry for help. Simply put I care. From a survivor of suicide stand point let me say again, Im sorry you have reason to be here but glad you found us. It truly is one day at a time. Deep breathes and do not try to do more than you can handle. There is lots of info on the net about surving suicide that might help as well. Sometimes just listening to others who have travelled the same road is helpful. I guess the misery loves company applies to that. I formed a memorial of sorts on line for my brother and found that helped, also being around others who were missing him as well. I went to my doctor for help with the things I couldnt control like costant crying. But mostly for me its been being apart of something bigger , its been being apart of a survivor group. Helping others has helped me more and getting help from them too.

Sue

Permalink Reply by G on February 13, 2010 at 9:33pm

Dear Liz,

I had my first experience with suicide yesterday. A friend of mine I have known for 5 years killed herself yesterday. My friends and I keep asking ourselves if there were some warning signs. I realize that she was deeply depressed and was able to hide it very well. I think the biggest mistake survivors can make is to play the " what if?" game. It is far more productive to help the family and friends of the person who choose to end their life.

G

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