I cant stop feeling guilty {long story}

Im 19 yrs old and I was the last one to see my 27 yr old brother before he died. It was about 8 in the morning on monday Aug.17,'09, I was sitting in my living room when I saw my brother walk by my living room window and head for my mom's garage. I really thought it was weird that he didnt come inside the house..but just went straight for the garage. A couple mins later he pasted the window heading for his car with a small black bag in his hand, I waited a couple mins to see if he was ever going to enter the house but he never did, I went out side and he drove off. A min later his 7 month pregnant wife called asking if I had seen him I told her had but she didnt seem to worried. Hours past and still no word from anyone about my brother so my family began searching.the next day , Tuesday my mother reported him missing to the police. wednesday afternoon my older sister found his car in canyon parking lot. After hours and days of seaching ,Friday night we found his body. after ward we found out ,The small black bag I saw him take on that monday was climbing rope which he used to end his life, I feel so guilty for not going outside and talking to him that day I feel that if I knew what was in the bag or the emotion in his voice I would have known what he was planning on doing. How can I stop feeling so guily?

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Permalink Reply by Kim on February 16, 2010 at 2:30pm

Please don't feel guilty. You are really just a child, and there was nothing you could have done. I did everything in my power to stop my sister from taking her life, and if I learned anything it is that it was out of my control.

His mind was ill, just the same as if he had cancer and you wouldn't be able to save him from that.

You are very young to have to deal with something so tragic. Just remember he wouldn't want you to feel guilty or suffer. I hope you have a strong support system and a full and active life.

Permalink Reply by Yvonne Hess on February 17, 2010 at 1:05pm

Talisa

You couldn't have known what was on your brother's mind that day. You are in no way at fault. The sad thing about suicide is we are not able to read peoples minds so we have no way of knowing when they've reached such a breaking point. I'm sorry for your loss.

Permalink Reply by sherre Yager on February 17, 2010 at 2:24pm

Talisa i lost both my mom in 1979 and my son 27 yrs old march 31 2009 guilt is a normal part of greif you would hardly be human if you had no feeling of guilt after such a tragic loss. people who die in car accidents survivors have guilt too. so dont beat yourself up. it has come and gone and vary in intensity for me. i can suggest you try to remind yourself that you were there and available to your brother he had the choice to make he also could have chosen to reach out to his wife did he get professional help.... he may not have even known what his choices were you may want to google afsp american foundation for susicide prevention it has been a great souce of healing and information for me im so sorry you lost your brother especially thhis way take care of yourself peace

Permalink Reply by SUE on February 17, 2010 at 8:47pm

Talisa,
As a sister I understand. The questions, the what ifs and most of all the why?? As has been said you had absolutley no way of knowing. We would of stopped all of our loved ones if we could, if we had known. Thats the nature of this disease its secretive. Your brother, my brother, were not of their right mind. Its taken me years to come to terms with him being gone and still I experience those days that cause me to shake inside out. Keep talking it helps, get help if you feel the need ok. For the long term, try to be the best sister-in-law and aunt you can possibly be. Your sister-in-law must also be a mess as your parents etc. Take comfort being with the ones who loved your brother, and who he loved. Big ((Hugs))
His pain his gone...
Sue

Permalink Reply by SUE on February 17, 2010 at 8:48pm

Sharre,
Its good to see you

Permalink Reply by Megan Reilly on February 17, 2010 at 8:55pm

Please don't blame yourself. Easier said than done I know. My boyfriend killed himself after a fight we had and I am sorry your family and other families go through this. It was not yours or anyone's fault but it will take time to sort all that out along with other emotions and be able to get to the point where you actually start to believe it. Take care of yourself. These other posts have much more helpful comments, but being on here for me let me know I was not alone in my feelings or grieving.

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