Dear Kim: Our youngest son took his life Dec 13, 2009. It's just been a little over two months ago, but it feels like yesterday. I've always had a strong faith and prayed every day for Michael's protection - 28 years. This has shattered my faith. I know God did not "do this" to Michael, and I don't understand why my prayer was answered with a "no". I feel God has betrayed me and abandoned Michael. Michael's only words to anyone was a text on his phone "I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever". I have to cling to his words that he knew where he was going even in the darkest deadliest part of his depression. And I know that God is big enough to take my anger and doubts right now. And He will be waiting for me when I can emerge from this horrendous grief and sorrow. I miss my son more than life. I go to church but I can't pray or join in - I guess I'm just standing and waiting for God to heal me. You asked how do we find faith when our hearts' are so broken - I guess that is when God comes and finds us.
One website I have found (from the best article anyone sent me) is www.ronrolheiser.com. He writes an article about suicide every year - from him I have found comfort. I hope it helps.
God is near to those broken at heart (Psalms 34:18) More than anything else, a relationship with God can help us cope. Do not underestimate the value of prayer.. Although expressing anger is ok, prolonged anger is dangerous (Proverbs 14: 29,30)