Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Lisa on March 3, 2010 at 1:14am

I lost my firstborn son, at age 17, almost 18 yrs. old. It was 6 yrs. ago. It still hurts quite a bit. I've decided I'm not going to know why it happened but I've also decided I've got to let the guilt go. There's nothing you can do with it constructively. It must be given to God. Your support group sounds good and its so nice that you have that. I went to a support group at Hospice for a little while but it was really hard for me to hear the new stories back then. Now...I'm just not sure. I certainly think of my son every day and feel ache in my heart. I miss him so much. He was suffering alot. It seems easier when I consider that he was diagnosed BiPolar and was on medicine because then I realize mental illness was the problem, but sometimes I think it could have been a spiritual issue underneath and he could have been delivered. Like I said before, I'll never know. I have 2 younger one who are now 18 and 21. Thankfully, they seem to do pretty well because of their strong faith in God. My husband suffers too much and we are drifting apart.

Permalink Reply by Tamara Daniels on April 20, 2010 at 3:01pm

Hi, Linda! My name is Tammy Daniels, and I too lost my son to suicide, June 21, 2008. He was 23 years old. Like you, I still have some very hard days, and I honestly believe that talking about it has helped more than anything. My mom couldn't even talk about my son, she had to put away his pictures, because she was so upset over losing her only grandson. I just could not put away his pictures. I really don't know if I will ever be ok from losing him. I did go through a very dark period after he died, and if it were not for the grace of God, I would probably still be in the dark spot. I was dangling on edge of losing myself, and I had to turn it over to God. And he is the one who pulled me out of that place. I was angry and today, I still get angry about it, and in the future I will probably get angry again. All we can do is pray for each other, and that with his merciful love, we will get past all of the hurt and anger. I don't know if it will get easier, but I will keep moving on and remember the good times I had with my son, and try my best to keep his memory alive. One thing I have to keep telling myself, is that he is watching down over me, and I think he is my guardian angel. I know I will see him again and all of the questions just will not matter anymore. To be able to wrap my arms around my son again will be the most wonderful thing. My heart goes out to you all that have lost a child or loved one to suicide. Will keep each and everyone of you in my prayers. May God bless you and guide you during the difficult times ahead.

Permalink Reply by Linda Phipps Harold on April 20, 2010 at 8:45pm

Thanks Tamara and Lisa for your letters. It means so much to me, when parents write back and tell
their story. It makes me feel like I am not alone. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one that has lost a child to suicide, but I know it is not true. My son is a yellow butterfly. He is with me always, Everyday I see a yellow butterfly and I know it is him watching over me. I miss him so much, but like you I know some day I will get to see him and wrap my arms around him. God knows when each of us will die and he knew that the day my son died was his time. He had his arms around him before I knew he was gone. I too try to turn it over to God, but sometimes it is hard to do. I still have anger issues with other people and I am trying hard to get through that. Please keep praying for me and I will you
Love and Prayers, Linda Mom of Travis Williams