I had a friend that killed himself on my birthday 4 years ago. I guess I am thinking more and more about him since his birthday would have been Feb. 28. Ours was a long and troubled past. We met when I was 14. I am now 42. Twelve years ago, he called me to say he was going to kill himself. He wanted to apologize for all the wrongs and hurt that he had caused me over the years. There was something in his voice. I TRULY believed that he was going to kill himself. I went running to him, knocked on his door only to be shot in the chest with a .357 magnum gun, and a hollow point bullet. The bullet splattered inside and out. I was in ICU for a week, the hospital a month. I almost died. He served less than 2 years. He was released but then a couple of years later, he killed himself. He blamed me for his sad life. So he took his life. Was it my fault. I think of him everyday. How can I not. I am in severe physical pain. But still, I didn't want him to hurt himself. Especially in such a violent way. I tried to help him. Even when he was in prision, I was able to talk to him, send him letters of support. It just wasn't enough. He still killed himself. Was is my fault? Why did he have to do it on my birthday? I have conflicting thoughts. I want to call him selfish. He knew about the pain I am in. He knew it was my birthday. It's been over 12 years now. Why can't I let go? Why do I feel like it's all my fault? He was living a lifestyle that I couldn't be a part of. I tried to help him so much, to the point I almost lost my life..... So why do I feel so guilty? Can anyone help?