The phone call came to me at 10am on February 10, it was my mom on the other end of the phone, She said " Gina I have very sad news" I ask what is it?, she said Stephen killed himself, I said Stephen who, never in my wildest dreams would I have thought it was my Stephen. My mom said Stephen, your Stephen. I said no I just talked to him on Sunday, everything seemed fine, nothing that would have given me any clue that he was thinking or wanting to end his life. Since that date my life has been turned upside down. First, I need to explain, we had a relationship that required us to be in seperate states, He lived in Jersey and I lived in Texas, however we were working on either Stephen moving to Texas or me moving back to Philly. How do I go on, I dream of him everynight, last night was one ofthe most vivid dreams that I have had since his death. He came to me to tell me everything was OK, that he did not really want to die, but no one was there for him, when he cried for help, and that his body was rising, he held me so tight and told me that he was ok, that was al he kept saying to me, I didn't wantthedream to end, it felt so real, I could feel his touch and the warmth of his body as he lye next too me. How could he be gone. I feel helpless, like I should have done more for him. I feel as though he is still alive and is going to walk through the door any minute, but I wait and nothing. I want close my eyes everynight and see him in my dreams and talk to him as I did last night. I don't concentrate or think of anything else but him day in and day out, what do I do?