It was December 2nd, 2009, I saw Kelly at 1.00pm that afternoon and then I had to hurry to work. She seemed a little distressed about personal issues going on between her husband and their life. Her husband was an abuser, mentally and physically. He pyschologically damaged her for the last 11 years and made her the person she was, scared, she had anxiety prolems and was afraid of her husband. In my eyes she was the most beautiful, stunning girl with the greatest heart in the world always caring about others. She never thought she could have a baby and then by God's grace she was pregnant and had a perfect baby boy named Cole. the happiest baby I had seen.
That day was the worst day of my LIFE. The call came while I was at work to go to my daughters house. I was kind of irritated thinking " Oh here we go again, they are fighting, they are always fighting " but my supervisor was insistant that I go. I tried to call Kelly but there was no answer, I tried to call Kellys sister Jacalyn but there was no answer, I didn't know what to think. So I am driving to Kellys house and I think to call her Dad, my ex. and see if he knows what is going on. He answered right away and I said what is the problem at Kellys. The news I was about to receive was the worst news ever. Kelly was dead at 27, leaving behind a beautiful baby boy at 6 months. She shot herself in the head with a gun her husband had purchased for her for protection. They had had an argument, he called the cops and she was dead. I think I screamed the rest of the way to her house. I am surprised I made it in one piece. I had never felt so stunned in all my life. I was in deep shock. I called her brother, and Jacalyn and my husband Vernon and they came along with my best friend Tracy. She looked like she was sleeping, at peace.
There was no suicide note , I know she didn't mean to do it. She had already bought presents for us for Christmas and a ton for the baby. She was a 100% not ready to die.
My life will never be the same again, I never realised how much she meant to me, I think about her every day, some days I hurt so bad, some days I cry and nobody knows my pain, some days I am full of anger, and I am mad at the everyone and I snap at my husband and Jacalyn. But the pain is not getting better, it gets worst. Losing your child is the worst pain of a lifetime, you will never forget, especially birthdays and holidays. Life is the pits, what do we have to live for when we lose a child, not much, in my case I am recently remarried so that is good. No one unless you have lost a child knows what the pain is like. It is forever........ I love my daughter and I miss her terribly. Life goes on unfortunately and I just have to make the most of it............

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Life goes on unfortunately and I just have to make the most of it............
Karen Im very sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. She has left behind your grandson Cole. In addition to the 11 years of abuse, I wonder if perhaps Kelly also suffered from post partum. Im glad you have the support of your new husband. I did not lose a child but I have experienced much of what you wrote. Yes life does go on, and with time and support the excrutiating pain does subside, but we are never the same. I hope you have lots of time and contact with Cole cause being with your grandchild matters more now than ever.
Keep talking Karen, it really does help.
Yes Karen! Life MUST go on as hard as it may seem. I agree with Sue about spending lots of time with Cole although, looking in his eyes everytime reminds you of Kelly. That might be hard at times but remembering her as a child at that age may also bring some smiles!
Domestic violence is never an easy thing to deal with! I, myself, have been there. The pain you feel inside doesn't stop. The voice of anger doesn't leave your head. It stays there, and, everytime you hear it for real, it just keeps getting louder. And yes, on top of all that abuse she was taking, she most likely was experiencing post partum. I am truly sorry for your loss!!
Fortunately for me, my husband has made a dramatic change after being married for nine years. I thought about ending the relationship so many times but kept hoping for a brighter tomorrow. And that tomorrow finally came and the endurance paid off. But not everyone has the strength to. Kelly may have been a strong person but having the baby could have subsided her emotionally. I will pray for her to be remembered. What helped my husband is that he started studying the Bible. And the transformation kept getting better. Till today he struggles with his anger, but mostly it's toward himself. I believe in the Bible and the power behind it! But, it also shares with us the wonderful hope of the resurrection. In John 5:28,29 Jesus promises us that he will call all those out in the memorial tombs and there will be a resurrection of the righteous and the unrighteous. When this occurs we're not told. But our faith in God and His word the Bible gives us the assurance that it will take place! I share this with you because some feel that it's not possible for those who have taken the gift of life God gave us, and have any kind of hope to be remembered by Him. We know that He is a loving God, and with that being said, He takes into account the surrounding circumstances. Kelly had been suffering, like you said for 11 years! That's a long time to carry all that weight! So, yes, I have faith that God will judge her justly! Thank you for sharing your story with us. And, I hope that you have found some comfort. From Honolulu, Hawaii, we are thinking of you and your family! Keep living!


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